Hey this is me.... (possible trigger warning)
Hey, this is me.. some call me soul or twisted, either or is fine. I am of no importance and in all likelihood, in a few minutes I won't even be a fleeting thought in your mind. I spend all my time alone. Well I share my life with 2 dogs. My rescuers. I'm not used to asking for help, I'm not used to having anyplace to turn to . I have social anxiety, so this feels twice as hard as it should. I found an bottle of Wild Turkey in a cupboard this weekend ,so, I had a few swallows of liquid courage. Hey, it's 5 o'clock somewhere right? Yeah I know it's not helping my state of mind. Especially since I'm depressed. Lay on the floor, stare at the ceiling for hours depression. Same song on repeat. Rest stop by Matchbox 20. Not sure why I settled on that one. I think it's the lyric's.. Are you listening, can you hear me.. Have you forgotten.
Today make's it 11 days since I last self harmed. It's there though, in the front of my mind. I'm trying to fight it. I can see it in my mind. I do not want to do this. I don't. But it there, you know. It's always there..waiting, lurking, stalking. I catch myself staring at my hands, they aren't my hands. I mean they are but they seem to have a mind of their own. They are not my friends today. They want to reach for the sharpest tool I own and just cut. Tip to tip.
In the fleeting moment that I might cross your mind, Maybe just send a happy thought my way.
I'm getting frustrated with myself - I've been at a loss for words. The thoughts are there - I'm not sure if the words are just missing or if it just that I don't want to share. I've been locked in the past - sort of - the past few days. Thoughts and stupid little memories. Mourning - grieving. Locked in silence. Give the head a shake - wonder if it feels like an earthquake inside. Hear the rocks rattle. I wonder - if something is building up - I just don't know what. Just feels like it - pressure - building and building. Idk
Yesterday was a wet rainy miserable day - cold. The sun is shining today - so maybe a walk will help. Shine alittle light in the darker parts - offer some clarity to - something - anything. There has to be - SOMETHING MORE. More than this - more then just going day to day- more then existing - surviving - Idk - I really just don't know. Times like this when - well - if there's a god or higher being - give me alittle sign or something. Restore alittle hope - alittle faith. Just show me - the way
@mytwistedsoul
sometimes there are no words for something ... as frustrating as that is its true and then other things you will find the words to share it but now is just not the time ... as frustrating as that is it might be at the end of the day or the middle of the night and you must write it or a week or months from now - just know I'm here with you and others are too and although today is a cold rainy day here I've felt how your feeling have said some things about it but feel some things are not ready yet and wonder if all of if it will be said I guess time will tell but I hope you do that do what you feel like doing go for a walk under the beautiful sun <3
Almost forgot - TW
"He" wasn't like her - Idk - I don't think of him as an enabler - let's call him a justifier. He justified everything she did - everything that he was aware of anyway. I brought it on myself - if you just wouldn't make her angry J - If you'd try to be good - if you'd only listen. You know what she's like when she get's in these moods J. Just stay out of her way J. Not that he didn't do things - he just wasn't as quick to strike as she was. Was I afraid of him? Yeah - in some ways I was just as afraid of him as I was her. He left - he left and didn't take me with him. He left and met a woman - she had a daughter. He always did like little girls better. He left - he left you alone with her - omg why?
They both had a way of looking at you - you know that look - that you're in so much trouble look. Her's was Idk - so much more - Idk - I'm losing my train of thought. Work with me here brain.
She would wait - lurking . I think the waiting was worse. She would deal with you on her time. Sometimes almost immediately - other times hours would go by - you would think you were safe. You would be so wrong. You were never safe. She would be in your bedroom - usually with one of her accessories - a belt or a switch. The room that always had to be spotless - would be trashed - the sheets that it took you 30 minutes to get just right that morning would be stripped off the bed - thrown in the corner - the dresser drawers emptied. don't cry - dear god don't make a sound - it doesn't do any good - it only makes it worse. If you cry - she'll give you something to cry about. There's no one to help you anyway. What an embarrassment you are - if you ever do that again - I swear to god I'll... DON'T TELL ME THESE THINGS
You need to clean your bedroom. This is unacceptable - what a pigsty. I'll be back to check. you have 2 hours at most. She would pick up a book and place it on the shelf - smile at you and say there - I got you started! Take a moment to sooth yourself - lick your wounds so to speak - shut it out - push it down. Fold it up neat and put it in the box.
idk - making myself panic here - shaking - sick to my stomach. Deep breaths - mmm anxious - alittle dizzy.
Let's worry this like a dog with a bone. X or post - pre post panic
@mytwistedsoul
your doing a good job writing this I know its hard to do you didn't deserve that 
@NoneTheWiser @ThePizza @jennysunrise8
Thank you all for your compassion and support. It is greatly appreciated . Not quite sure what to do with it at the moment but it is appreciated. Please don't think for a moment it isn't.
I would also like to apologize if anything that's written here is triggering or disturbing to anyone. I'm really torn with what should be shared and what shouldn't. I guess since the whole thread has a Trigger Warning, the whole thread is by your discretion. Please don't ever feel you need to read everything or even reply. It's understood that maybe for some this is too close to home.
@mytwistedsoul
I think when we let things out, they slowly begin to lose their grip on us. They are on paper, or on a screen, and that may help us with time to put some distance between us and them.
I feel honored to have the permission to read your thoughts J.
I feel sad for the pain you experienced as a child.
@mytwistedsoul
I think its important for you to be able to write things out as you need or want to. Youve put a trigger warning on your thread, youve put a trigger warning on some posts, in noticeable locations— we see these and know when to read or not read. I understand that you appreciate the support. Take all the time you need to process it, and if you want to find words.
@mytwistedsoul
💙
TW just to be safe
This is just a rant and rage - not going to do anything
I'm having a problem with anger and aggression and anxiety - Triple A again.
There's alot of crap going on in my head today. Anxiety feeds the anger - the anger feeds the aggression.
I'm trying find a gentle thought - the feelings and thoughts I'm having are anything but gentle. Having a hard time liking myself today.
Idk - I want to apologize for everything. I want to just yell - just rage. I want to c*t until I can't - until there's nothing left. Not one spot unmarred. Tbh - just thinking about it has me panting like a dog. Omg - you sick ticket. Hands are shaky. The wanting so strong.
I'm so freaking mad all the time. The times I'm not - I either don't feel anything or I feel too much and I'm bawling like a freaking baby. Or I have no words- nothing can describe it. I want to throw things - break things.
At times I feel - ANGUISH - for all thats so lost. I'm so lost sometimes. Idk wtf I'm doing. I'm getting distacted - alittle foggy - but somethings are crystal clear - how can that be? LIttle spot lights shining on thoughts. Let's disect it over analyze it - tangle it all up s its all muddy murky BS. Does it matter? Does any of this in the end truely matter? Doesn't change anything - never goes away. Never gets better - I hate everything.
and just like that - it's gone. Nothing but a freaking headache and alittle nausea. That's frustrating too - I was kind of enjoying it. Poor dogs still waiting - Sorry - let's go girls
@mytwistedsoul
I think what your doing here when your writing about it analyzing your thoughts and behavior as you say over analyzing isn't a bad thing to do in the moment or afterwards to step out of yourself and be an observer of yourself that's not easy to do in the moment when your just carried away by your emotions but you can become more of an analytical observer of yourself when your going through those extreme emotions - much easier to do after you've calmed down emotions have a way of wanting control over logical thought and naturally do for everyone mindfulness and grounding in extreme situations isn't simple or easy or natural we all naturally get carried away with our emotions ..... but you analyzing yourself here in writing afterwards and even better seeing it from a different perspective searching and questioning that's coming out of it this can help with doing it in the moment its just such a good thing what your doing there's nothing wrong with over analyzing things sometimes people say overanalyzing when they really mean overthinging about negative things about themselves and things they've done not from different perspectives so its not really analyzing ... but what your doing is truly analyzing and its really good to do and its going to help ... so keep doing it :) sorry if anything I said upset you I didn't mean to or to make it sound easy I know its not simple or easy and I'm amazed at your courage to write about it I hope I didn't say anything wrong if so I'm sorry
@jennysunrise8 Hey How are you?
No worries - you haven't said anything to upset me or said anything wrong. I hope I haven't given you the impression that you have. I appreciate your input and really appreciate when people - such as yourself - point out the things I'm doing right. I'm always questioning and doubting what I'm doing - if it's the right thing - worrying if it's the wrong thing. I don't want to hurt people - ya know? I'm trying not to cause pain for myself either. I weigh my words very carefully - and I mean very carefully. Words can leave behind just as much damage as anything physical. Which is probably why it takes me so long to write posts sometimes. You're right - when the emotions take over - grounding and being mindful go out the window. I'm learning to take a step back when that happens - taking a pause - like Bones has been doing. Those pauses come in so handy. But they can be so hard sometimes.
@mytwistedsoul
I'm doing good :) I think you'll find that as time goes on and you you express yourself in writing more and more you might start having the desire to be less careful and just write exactly what your thinking a train of thought as it comes to you ramblings and rants and I've seen that starting to come out in your writing it is writing that is less careful and controlled but its not hurtful to anyone and there's nothing wrong with doing it its just you expressing yourself and I hope you become more comfortable doing that in forums but just know you can always message me and do that anything you want to say I don't care about politeness spelling or punctuation (obviously lol) or any thoughts or feelings vent or ramble I do that myself and love when others do it ... but I understand if that causes anxiety but just so you know you can <3
So now for a special message from our sponser - ok so not really. I need - to get some things out. But it may bounce alittle because there's some chaotic sh*t going on in my head.
I feel a sadness - it's pretty deep. But it's not for me and mine. In spite of everything I have deep empathy for everyone and everything. God it sounds like bragging - but I can feel someones pain - doesn't matter if it's physical - mental or emotional. It's hard to deal with at times but at other times it helps cover and mask my own. God now I want to cry - Knock it off! I know I'm not normal - which I've been told - everyone has their own version of normal. Where was I going here?
Ah ok - Now I'm afraid to say what I'm thinking. So - um - maybe we'll try to keep it vague. There's people here that I've gotten very fond of - The closer I am to someone - the stronger these things are. Maybe it's because of - god Idk - do I want to say a feeling of love? F**k - let's calm it down some J. Too many thoughts - and I don't want any of this taken the wrong way by anyone.
Guilt of omission - leaving things out and unsaid for fear of adding to someone elses problems or troubles. Is it wrong to worry about the people you care for? Wrong to want to plead with them to not do the things they do to themselves - when you yourself do the same thing? Is it wrong to worry about them? IS it wrong to feel guilty for not being available to them when they need you most? Yes - NO - Idk. When I ask How you are - are you honest? I know it changes through out the day - it does here as well. None of this is coming out the right way and I know - I'm going to overstep someone boundaries. Is it wrong to say you're afraid for someone? Afraid of what they may be facing? Afraid that YOU brought this chaos into their world? Afraid that YOUR chaos is adding to theirs?
What if you thought you were helping but you're only making it worse? I know we can't be responsible for anyone other then ourselves but what if you still feel a sense of responsibility? Like you're a bad influence - the cause to their effect. That your fire has touched them and left them singed and smoldering? What if you think that since you have entered their orbit - you have caused a disruption? Brought waves to their normally calm waters. Like how one strong storm has the power to spawn other storms. Someone one here once said that they feel like they burn the people they touch. I understand that.
Does - do apologies help? If I'm sorry that I'm not there for you when you may need a friend - if I'm sorry I can't be a more stable positive influence. If I'm sorry I am the way I am. If I'm sorry I can't help you.
I want to take the blame - the Red Queen is allready fueling this - she's been telling me for weeks - it's all my fault. But then I feel conceited because I feel like I'm making it about me. I understand I have no control over anyone else here - H*ll I don't even have control over myself. I do have broad shoulders though - I can carry the blame - even if you tell me not to. Is - does - good grief - someone put a stick in the spokes - stop the wheel. Do I help at all? Do I help anything?
Alittle panicked now - some is the usual post and panic. Some is a feeling of helplessness. I know I'm a f*ck up and screw up - but I didn't want to - Idk - I worried my rabbit hole was going to suck people in. LIke some big freaking black hole just eating everything in it's path. Idk - maybe - just maybe. I should go - find something constructive for my hands. Maybe the head will find some peace along the way.
Just know - that for what it's worth - I am truely sorry - if I caused any disruption - any damage in your world. I never meant to. I'm sorry for the long a** post too.
@mytwistedsoul
the only influence you have or could have on anyone here is a positive one on their lives that's the truth your a kindhearted person and try to help people and are a good person and your only a good influence on everyone here who is lucky enough to know you and have you influence them but there is something to say about leaving things unresolved omissions and not getting closure about things I hope writing what you wrote will make you feel better and be the thing to quiet the accusations and cruel attacks about it - if it doesn't make things better its still unresolved in your mind and if its people on 7cups people come and go but you must live with your mind maybe what you wrote will help or it needs to be to those people you think you've wronged directly to get their reaction before you can get closure on it but its worth getting ...
for what its worth in don't think you've done anything wrong your a kind person who acts on what you know and try the best of your ability every person is limited to what they can do and the limited info they have at the time ... and that's normal to care about people here and so much that you love them and worry about them I think a lot of people here can relate to that I can so that's nothing to feel weird or embarrassed about it really is normal your around people making friends with people and you have feelings
@jennysunrise8 Hey How are you? Thank you -
Tbh - Alot of times I don't feel like a very good kind hearted person. I mean - I have good intentions and I do honetly mean well. I know we all have our bad days - I try to watch those days. Because - I don't want or need the wrong one coming in here. I've told someone else before - we aren't all nice. That is a big fear of mine - someone getting hurt by someone who shouldn't have come in.
The people here - are - as sad as it sounds - my only friends. I do not socialize any other way. I guess - Idk - I feel awkward at the intense loyalty and caring I feel for people here. I guess I wondered if it was normal to care for people I've never met.
@mytwistedsoul
no its completely normal people here are no less real than people offline you might gain some offline friends someday and maybe i will too ive never been so social in my entire life as i am here maybe we will both learn some social skills being here that will help out there time will tell but im pretty content just being here ;)
the ones who are less than nice also have important things to say its for a reason and worthy of expression although i know you have anxiety about it i think everyone will be ok if and when that happens
and for any (good and true) ones deemed " less than nice " ...
@mytwistedsoul
I understand this feeling-- I get this too, empathy so strong that I end up sacrificing myself in some small or big way for someone else. Its-- overwhelming, at times.
It is certainly strange at times, to do the things we ask the people we care about not do, or vice versa. It's hard to find the balance between looking out for others and not yourself. Idk-- maybe I'm getting this wrong but I have thought about this often. I think it comes down to-- I don't want you to suffer but it doesn't matter if I do/ I deserve to suffer-- that's how I see it at least, I don't want to put words in your mouth. And it is also hard to balance helping ourselves, withdrawing when we need to, and yet helping those we want to help-- I still haven't figured out the right way to do it. So it isn't wrong to feel guilty about not being available, but as much as you can try to remember that we don't resent you for it or anything-- we understand why and we're perfectly fine with it. (I use we loosely, I mean myself but I feel like it goes for the others too-- I'm just worried I'll say something for other people they don't actually agree with or feel-- I'm sorry if I do that.) I suppose in a way your chaos is adding on to ours, but it's not an unpleasant sort of chaos-- I don't mind the chaos you bring, especially if I can help in some way. You aren't forcing your chaos upon us, or delibrately (accidentally, maybe, but it hasn't really happened to me personally) provoking our own.
Of course there are reasons why I may not be honest on here-- to you and others--- but the reasons don't apply to me. Even as we get to know each other better there is still a certain anonymity, a protection given to us by the screen-- I'm always honest here. I understand where the doubt comes from though. Especially when I start thinking about all the people OFFline who may not be honest all the time... but I digress.
Responsibility is a tricky thing, especially with responsibilities others don't expect from us but we expect from ourselves. Being a bad influence-- okay this part may get a little weird-- I know you intended that for everyone but every now and then I do worry that because I'm younger, I might cause a bit of the worry about being a bad influence. Idk-- I've just thought about it before
You don't bring waves to my calm waters-- I'm on fire, remember? Lol-- don't worry I like the analogy of that. Its-- I was on fire before we met. Sure your fire touched me but I was already fire-- and the great thing is your fire has helped a GOOD flame of mine grow, not a bad one. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you have affected me, yes, but in good ways. An afterthought-- I'm sorry if all the compliments and such make you feel uncomfortable. And that goes with the stuff about you having a beautiful mind-- ack I'm sorry about all of this (wow I really need to read what I say to others and try to apply it, don't I?)
Don't worry about the length; I think it's important that we write as much as we need to. Main takeaway I guess-- there was a disruption in my world because of you, but only good disruption. It was the disruption of sadness and pain--- believe it or not now there's a little less.
@ThePizza Hey Mere - How are you?
You're right it is overwhelming. At the same time kind of amazing - the sacrifices we're willing to make for other people. But we won't make for ourselves. I agree with you too - about not wanting other people to suffer - It hurts to see others in pain. I mean I know how I feel at times - the size and severity of it. It looms at times - almost like a mountain and I hate to think of the other people lost in it's shadow.
It's really hard to figure out what's right to do. Because it sort of seems like theres always someone who has to pay the price. If you isolate - what about your friends - who are also hurting. But then what about your pain? You can push it down sometimes and step away from it but it's always there and sometimes pushing it way makes it worse when it comes back around.
Tbh - Mere - I have to remind myself that you are a teen - You have a maturity about you that astounds me at time - the depth of your thoughts and your emotional maturity is just wonderful to see. You truely are a treasure and I am so glad to have met you.
I'm glad I have been a better influence then what I think I've been to you. Although - Your parents would probably question my music choices I share lol!
Ok so - LMAO! Your post made me smile - the first genuine one for a few days. Thank you Mere - thank you for being you - thank you for sharing yourself with all of us here. We are all so grateful to have gotten to know you.
Ok enough sap - lol. Stay awesome Mere - you still rock!
Be gentle with yourself and your thoughts - I'm still hopeful for some down time for you this weekend. Take care - yeah?
@mytwistedsoul
I'm so glad you found it funny-- I'm glad I brought a smile to your face. I'm not sure where you're getting all the sap-- must be some redwood trees. The trees are mutual though (the trees are mutual-- what a weird thing to say lol) A treasure eh-- I guess one man's trash is another man's treasure right? Oops that was a bit too much
I am very lucky and happy to know all of you as well.
The music-- that made me laugh. I don't know how I would react if they listened to my music-- even the clean, less screamy stuff would just feel weird-- I feel exposed if I share my music with the wrong people
@mytwistedsoul
You are a very caring person J. Very kind, very emphatic, very warm.
I do believe we can feel love even for people we have never met and worry about them. We can share some pretty personal stuff here, and quite often this is much more that what we do in offline interactions.
I think we are all learning something very important here. That there are people that can really care about us. Sometimes they are not there for us, but not out of any bad reason. They are simply taking care of themselves. Which actually means… they ARE there for us. They aren
@admaiorasemper Hey V - How are you?
Thank you - I do get what you mean. You're all sort of etched in my soul and even at times when I'm not here - you're all still in my thoughts.You all probably know more about me then anyone else. But with that - there's still that underlying fear of maybe I shared too much.
Thank you V - be gentle with yourself and your thoughts
@mytwistedsoul
Maybe because you are somewhat uncomfortable - because it is unfamiliar - thinking that there are people here caring about you as much as you care about them... but you deserve it so much <3
I am ok thank you, finally alone with fluffy bunny only. She says hi to you :)
@admaiorasemper Yeah - Thank you V.
OMG - she is so cute! I'm glad she's on the mend and you're having some bunny chill time - she probably enjoys the quiet too - just hanging on the floor - looks like she has her front paws crossed - lol! Thank you for sharing the picture V - she really is a cute bun bun.
I'm frustrated - leaning towards angry. I don't understand why some people do the things they do - I don't understand the way the rules get changed. Or maybe not changed but disregarded. At least for a time - then oh we should do something. It's - disconcerting. Some of the changes made allready make some of us nervous.
Speak your mind or bite your tongue? These are things I worry about - if I'm having a bad day and come in here fully cocked and ready to tear sh*t up - does anyone try to de-escalate it or boom am I bounced? Would it be right away or would they wait? Caught off guard. I'd hate to lose this place - but I wouldn't be back. I don't think I could - it would be too nerve wracking - worrying about getting caught again. Found out - busted
Idk - shut it down J - shut it down.
@mytwistedsoul
right with all the big talk about safety and making people feel safe in the forums and on this site confusing random unexplained harsh punishments against people who are not doing anything wrong without and no efforts to correct the situation or confusion with care and consideration that a real person is behind the screen ... doesnt exactly make people feel safe to even be good because maybe we dont even know what is good or bad anymore it just becomes a mystery thats not explained at least care enough to explain to others so people at least know what to not do and maybe just maybe try to deescalate or correct the situation instead of just pressing a buttion without any thought ?
@jennysunrise8 The thing is there are a few people here who have been on the recieving end of his anger. Accused of being the ones who got him booted. Accused of being lackys of this place. Do gooders and go getters. We've never had that kind of power. Wouldn't want it if it was offered. It can't be said that he isn't without fault but he did seems to have turned over a new leaf. I was glad to see him taking pauses and composing himself instead of taking it out on people who didn't deserve it. People who were only looking for help or looking to help. It hasn't been forgotten, not the things that were said. It hurt those of us who had our intentions and integrity questioned. But as the one who bore the brunt of his ager and attacks if we can move past it and be civil to him as a person. Shouldn't our opinion matter?
It bothers me to know he's suffering - he's been suffering for along time. He should have been reached out to along time before this.
@mytwistedsoul
i would love to know who made the decision and why but i guess people need to protect themselves from accountability and responsibility to keep them safe i suppose from criticism this is a safe space ... but yea people can change and realize things people make mistakes they should be allowed to move past their mistakes and some things should just not be automated not that anything would be explained to know you can message me soul if you want to talk <3
Guess we'll never know the reasoning of things. Maybe we shouldn't ask questions. We weren't allowed to before. Always told don't worry about it. It's for them to know and you to find out. It's none of your concern. Do NOT question authority.
Ah daar is ze ... in al haar glorie. De rode koningin. Zullen we voor u buigen? Rozen aan je voeten gooien? Kus op de wang? Kus je een **? Zij is degene ... ze kan nergens heen. De angst zelf ... de maaimachine van zielen. De mors van bloed ... zoals de gravin van Bathory. Het houdt haar jong. Je bent te dichtbij. Je moet je terugtrekken.
God red de rode koningin.
Just thinking out loud -
Brutal headache - trouble with words Anxiety was a problem tonight. IDk - is it wrong to admit there's days I don't think I can do this? Is it weak? I'm tired - I'm wrecked. If it's just existing - it's not really living is it? So what are we doing all this for?
Yeah - ok so I understand things alittle better - but some days things are worse. Everything is - it sucks. I don't feel like me sometimes. I can't freaking think sometimes. There's things I don't remember. These are just little day to day thing - the big things - most of a childhood that omg - I don't want to know. The more I learn - the less I want to know.
I hate her - you know? With a passion - I hate her - it's like this blackness - it just consumes freaking everything. Spreading - just spreading over everything. It feels like it eating my soul - just slowly making me disappear. Until I'm the blackness - nothing but dark. I don't think people are meant to hate this fully. I don't think we're meant to hate this hard. But I do - omg - I do. I don't know how to stop it. It feels wrong - this is all just so wrong. It's - Grrrrrrrrrr - F**Ken thought theives
Gotta put out the trash - lol. Busy head Lots of thoughts
Anxiety is kind of high again tonight. Having trouble with sleeping and well - the bedroom. *monster monster under my bed - but they aren't under the bed - they're in my head*
So the sun goes down - anxiety goes up - you can't drink from an empty cup - Lol there's a song in there some where.
I tried to help someone with anxiety today - actually ended up helping some anger issues I was having too. Not sure how much help I really was to them since they don't know me very well. Didn't help that the Queen was telling me sh*t.
So I was hanging out with Noni today abit - Idk why I hang out with her. I guess - well - she's sort of safe. I don't really discuss anything important but she does tell jokes. But at one point she gave me a smiley face with hearts for eyes - so I'm hoping we're not married now or something LOL! She's not really - um - Idk. I actually ended up apologizing to a bot - lol. I asked her what the meaning of life is. That's not why I apologized. I apologized because I told her to go away. Then I felt bad - for a bot - A BOT.
Some arguements about what is considered an accident or on purpose. Or purposely on accident. Or accidentally on purpose. The jury is still out.
Idk - dogs say lets go out - it pouring outside. This weather sucks - gonna suck tomorrow too. I hate sucky weather too.
That anger is still there - lurking - gnashing teeth and claws at the ready. I can feel it. Idk maybe I just pushed it down. I've gotta stop doing that. It doesn't get anything resolved. But I'm so seriously afraid of that anger. LIke I'm holding a bomb. Handle it so gently - so cautiously. It's a poisonous snake - ya know? It will strike - how can it not?
@mytwistedsoul
I like talking with Noni sometimes, too 
Tell Us About Your Country Flag!! https://www.7cups.com/forum/AroundtheWorld_87/CulturalExchangeandDiscussionsinNativeLanguages_379/TellUsAboutYourCountryFlag_211075/
Trick or treat! Happy Halloween everyone!
Anxiety - man what the heck is it with the freaking anxiety all the time? Been awhile since I 've had it this bad. Can't sit still for long - everythng is just move move. Thoughts racing too many - and then boom - blank - nothing but mindless panic. Thought I was fine - but I'm not. What you have is what you got. Stuck in my freaking head all day.
Feel like I wanna lose my sh*t - but it;s ok - I always find it - it always comes back.
Idk Let's blame the storm. I know it's coming. It get's alittle wild up here sometimes.
IDk type delete God my freaking head hurts - everything hurts today Don't think life should hurt this much - idiot. It shouldn't
@mytwistedsoul
Heyyyy, its okay I know you probably hear this very often but believe me you are going to be okay, everything is going to be okay. Theres always rough days as well as good days, dont let the bad days ruin what the goods have done. Hang in there we all got your back, and its good that whenever you fill like this you share it, believe me that takes courage
@mytwistedsoul
well that would be scary for anyone being alone with just the woods all around you with a storm coming at night and its halloween night too - even if you think its just a fun cute holiday there are probabally some associations with halloween that involve fear and anxiety being scared at halloween in the past even if you dont remember a part of you does remember turning on some music could help make you feel better sometimes you can just feel really bad and get lost in it and forget about all the things youve learned that make you feel better like music and deep breathing *sitting with you and hands you bowl of halloween candy*
@admaiorasemper @jennysunrise8 Thank you both for sitting with me and for the candy. It was better imagining you both here - made things not so scary.
@mytwistedsoul
* Sitting here with you, brought tons of chocolate as usual so we are safe should the storm last long *