Question presubmitted by the community:
How do you get self confidence? How do you believe it when you tell yourself "you can do this"?
@Laura
Another great question. I am impressed with these questions so far. It is keeping me on my toes.
Ok, self confidence is something that you have to build - kind of like muscles. You can practice being couragous, standing up for yourself, not stuffing feelings down and expressing them, sharing your opinion even when it differs from someone else and experiencing that nothing bad happens except that you shared a different opinion.
You can also see what I wrote to someone else about Kristen Neff's website about self-compassion. Building self-compassion is the way forward.
I struggle with poor self esteem and social anxiety. I tell myself "You can do this" when I try to face my fears, but I always fail to face them and after years of this, "you can do this" sounds like a lie to me. I don't know how to believe it when I tell myself I can. Any suggestions?
@BrightWriter
Good question. Anxiety tends to be a symptoms of low confidence and fear of judgment from others. So, what you want to be focusing on is improving your self-esteem. Working with a therapist is probably one of the best ways to do that (I am biased about that though LOL). I highly recommend checking out Kristen Neff's website self_compassion.org. She reframes self-esteem to be more about learning to have compassion for yourself.
Thank you @HannahCaradonnnaMSW, I've read a lot about self compassion and tried a lot of strategies for improving my self esteem but have had no success there either. I appreciate you taking the time to anaswer. Again, thanks :)
@BrightWriter
It might be time for therapy then ;)
It could be a deeper issue that you can't solve easily on your own.
Not an option for me, due to my fear of opening up and being vulnerable in front of others (even those paid not to judge and to keep things confidential) But thanks anyway
@BrightWriter
Confronting the fear of opening up is part of the therapy though...The more you open up, the easier it gets.
I submitted my three questions earlier this week. Did you get them?
@cyanPlatypus6370
Yes, but can you share them in the thread here or PM me and ill make sure they get added. We have a bunch that are presumitted and cannot get to all.
Woohoo! So happy to be participating in my first live forum event!!! @laura
@Sarra
Yay welcome! Please feel free to ask our host.... ANYTHING
Yayyy! Thank you Laura! <3 @Laura
I don't see any new posts unless I refresh the page (page stays frozen unless I constantly refresh) Is that normal? Anyone else having that issue?
@BrightWriter
yes! to keep up with the life chat, you will have to refresh everyone once in a wihle!
@BrightWriter ... Bright, I'm not sure if that's "normal" but that is what I have to do over and over too. ~ Platy
Hello! I am ready....
welcome! <3 feel free to join in! @emotionalMaple9419
@emotionalMaple9419
welcome! ask away!
I do yoga and box, so that helps with my confidence. Usually, when I want to say "I can do this" I say "I will do this" instead. Perhaps it motivates me more.
Thanks @vriska44, but I wanted to get the therapist's answer on that :)
@BrightWriter lol apologies
sounds good! <3 @vriska44
Pre-submitted question from the community:
My spouse and I both have problematic behaviors concerning alcohol - him moreso. He has told me he is unwilling to stop drinking and that I must just live with it. How do I protect my sanity and not become discouraged - - do you have any tips on setting healthy interpersonal and personal boundaries?
@Laura
I've tried to write my response to your question a few times and erased it becasue I just don't know what direction to go in with it. OVerall, you could do some couples therapy or you could do some individual therapy to set those boundaries but the addiction needs to be worked on perhaps first and foremost.
Hi, recently, one of my newly made friends told me that his dad is abusive..it breaks my heart to hear that he has been going through such pain, but I don't know how to help. I hate hearing that he is in pain, but I don't want to potentially ruin his life by reporting it and then their family might split up and he won't be able to do waht he loves and foster care and stuff but I hate knowing that he is hurting. He acts different in person after having told me this because I think he is scared. I don't know waht to do :( @HannahCardonnaMSW
@Snr101
I'm really sorry to hear that you have found this out about your friend and it must have felt like an honor to be told. This is certainly a very difficult situation to be in. You need to tell an adult in your life (a parent or teacher) what is going on and they can help determine what action needs to be taken. Good luck!
It definitely did feel like an honor! Considering he has only told 2 of his other close guy friends, so it did make me feel special and trusted! My mom found out and has been encouraging me to tell a school teacher, but I know they are under the obligation to then report it further to police or CPS...it is a more complex issue that I can't deal with alone and the decision is a huge one for me to make, considering my friendship with him...thank you for taking the time to answer me though! @HannahCaradonnnaMSW
@Snr101
I'm wondering if there's other family members that might be able to assist like a grandparent or aunt that is trusted to not also be abusive they could maybe take him in if they knew more about his emotional state without having to know fully specifics right away necessarily. I'd also be worried about things getting worse...like is the father the sort of person who would escalate to causing serious physical harm or is it someone who's more reasonable and may eventually agree to getting anger management help or something like that.
Pre-submitted question from the community:
Regarding Personality Disorders: Can a person heal from a personality disorder? Is recovery possible? Is it probable? Please discuss. I was diagnosed with BPD; uh maybe 10 yrs ago, around there I suppose.
@Laura
Thank you for your question. You will get different responses about this. I have worked a lot specifically with people with Borderline Personality Disorder and in my experience some people do dramatically improve but I haven't seen anyone totally "heal" from it. So, what that looks like is the ability to recognize pretty immediately when being triggered and take a moment to self-soothe and then have a response rather than a reaction. It also means shorter bouts of mood swings that are either less intense or last for a shorter duration, the ability to sustain meaningful relationships and self-sooth when an issue arises in the relationship and the ability to use words rather than behaviors to deal with pain. (For example recognizing feeling abandoned and sad and talking abou tthat rather than self-harming or bingeing etc)
