FAST Skill
The festive holiday season is not far away and many of us will meet with family or friends. The holidays are not always the most wonderful time of year for everyone though.
For some people, holiday dinner is served with a side of anxiety, anger, or even resentment. There might be difficult conversations and knowing how to communicate is essential to avoid getting into debates and arguments.
The FAST skill is a DBT interpersonal effectiveness skill and it's a good skill to have for anyone but especially for those who struggle with getting their own needs met during interactions with others in conversations.
FAST stands for
F - be fair
A - no apologies
S - stick to values
T - be truthful
During an argument you look at both sides and be fair. Maybe you’re asking too much or are asked for too much by someone else.
Do not over-apologize unless you’re in the wrong. If you ask to get your needs met, there is no need to apologize for it.
Stick to your values and be true to yourself and what you believe in.
Be truthful. Don’t lie. Don’t act helpless when you are not. Don’t exaggerate or make up excuses.
Participation question
- How do you handle difficult conversations?
- What helps you to do this better?
- What are you struggling with dealing with other people?
Helpful Resources:
What Makes a Good Conversation?
Helpful Video:
Empathy: The Heart of Difficult Conversations
Seeking Help
Mental stress can cause us not to be able to see the good things in life and lead to excessive rumination or worries which can result in serious health problems. If you have serious, long-term problems with negative thinking and feeling depressed, see your doctor or talk to a therapist if they are related to any mental challenges.
Are you looking for a therapist? 7 Cups has online, certified therapists with a paid option. For more information on what happens in online therapy at 7 Cups, Read Lisa’s (a therapist and director of therapy) explanation https://www.7cups.com/forum/therapy/TheLatestonTherapySubcom_2349/WhatHappensDuring7CupsOnlineTherapy_296347/
To apply for 7 Cups online therapy, click on this link https://www.7cups.com/online-therapy/?ob=1
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How do you handle difficult conversations? I try not to react. That only makes them wrose.
What helps you to do this better? I connect with my breathing and watch my thoughts as if I was editing a post on 7 Cups.
What are you struggling with dealing with other people? People rarely meet up with my expectations. Aha maybe I should change my expectations!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
@soulsings
Changing one's expectations can mean less stress and more calm.
@amiablePeace77
Difficult conversations...... that's on a spectrum. Some people find MOST conversations difficult and others don't find any conversation to be that difficult. It's really a personality and even upbringing issue. However....
- How do you handle difficult conversations?
There are things that can be done if you know ahead of time that you are facing one. You want to have bullet points, find your words and even rehearse what you want to say. You might talk it out first with a trusted friend. There has been times when, instead of having that conversation, I wrote a letter. That way, I was sure not to be sidetracked by the opponent's interruptions. Of course there are ways to write those letters so you stay diplomatic. You can also write this letter and NOT deliver it so at least you have a clearer idea of what you want to convey.
- What helps you to do this better?
Choose your battles well and think also of logistics (better time of the day, remember to stay calm, and observe/listen well to your opponent). If that person goes haywire, don't get pull in that reaction or tactic.
- What are you struggling with dealing with other people?
I normally don't. I sometimes refuse to struggle with difficult people, especially if I realize they expect certain reactions from me. I often see this as a social sport. Fun sometimes
@Fradiga
Thank you for sharing these informative points with us Fradiga. Choosing your battles well and thinking also of logistics makes great sense!
