Anger: the Wrecking Ball
Anger seems to erupt as fast as lightning. You can be having a good feeling talking to someone but they say something that hits a nerve or a button and ---WHAM--- angry words erupt and then all that good feeling is gone and you can't seem to get it back.
- How do you calm yourself down after anger strikes?
- How do you relax the situation and get back those good feelings after a burst of anger after an unresolved argument with someone?
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@soulsings
I remove myself from the presence of the arguer. Go on foot to a coffee shop and treat myself to a baked treat and tea/coffee. Get in a walk to walk off the stress.
@Swordpsalm I use walking off the stress that helps me or fdoing 5 miute Tai Chi.
It also helps me to look at my expectations and see if they are realistic.
I have to say I have been shocked at anger in my life several times. Being a pacifist at heart every uncontrolled blow of anger truly damages me inside and my self worth. Surfacing pain and abuse. Injustice. Betrayal. Fear and stress beyond belief. Suddenly.. I found myself acting in anger more in one year of my life than the entire rest added up. Yikes.
Breathe work. Guided meditation. Journaling. Acknowledge and release help me. For me it is vital to have some me time to practice and be reflective still and fortify myself. Healing time.
@SacredGarden IO also find my anger very disappointing . I find the NVC Non Violent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg has helped me avert anger. Youtube or in book form.
@soulsings
i really like how you worded that and glad you have found a source to manage anger in a healthy manner. <3 ty for the recommendation.
@SacredGarden I don’t like how the anger feels either. It makes me feel ashamed, especially if I snapped at one of my kids for something not that big of a deal. I’ve had to be careful with getting sensory overstimulated. I don’t want something small they do to be the “straw”.
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas
we really have a lot in common ive noticed. that is my biggest regret is my anger hurting my child. my snappy or mean replies or being there but not accessible as i should have been.
my husband has inspired anger in me that i have never experienced before at such a level but yes sadly my anger was justified but terrifying for me because ive never let it really ... be a motivation for me before. usually its sorrow rather than anger.
@SacredGarden The husband was where my anger really came in too. I felt like I had no power, respect, equality, care. I didn’t like how my children were being treated. I could never do anything right. I was scared of him. I’d drink to numb the anxiety and depression. Sometimes the alcohol would give me courage to say something. But sometimes I’d also end up saying a few choice words or raising my voice. I didn’t like how I was being. I can understand why it happened, but it wasn’t how I wanted to live.
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas
proud of your honesty and openness. it truly helps pave the way for others to feel safe to be open and honest. Gods people are kind and gentle to one another, praying fervently for each other in Love and grace as He has done for us.
i have struggled with something similar. trauma can really throw a person off course but God is so faithful and loyal and good He will never let us go. He finishes the good work He started in us until the day of completion.
i hope days are smoother now sis.
@soulsings
At 72, I can still count on the fingers of ONE hand the number of times I blew up at someone. Every time, it was for good reason and I even realized I spoke my mind better. I never regretted it and was treated with more respect afterwards.
The anger itself was what calmed me down.
I have lived with two or three people who could get angry at anything however, and that could be tiresome even if I loved them.
@Fradiga I do not like the feeling of being angry because I feel I lose my calm cool demeanor
@soulsings
I understand that. Some people feel anger way more often than I do. And it is not good feeling hen it happen too often
Sometimes i react with a louder voice or blatant opinions. Often I pause and breathe and commit it to God and apply mature reactions. Like walking away. Giving myself time to regroup pray regulate.
@SacredGarden I agree that avoiding confrontation is a better way to go.
- How do you calm yourself down after anger strikes?
I have to stop talking, leave the room, and take some breaths.
- How do you relax the situation and get back those good feelings after a burst of anger after an unresolved argument with someone?
I try to focus on how they’re feeling and apologize for my part.
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas when I apologize a part of me feels better. Even if I think the other person started I apologize anyway so we are both equal.
@soulsings I do the same. I think it’s rare that an argument is 100% on one person. Usually there’s something I can think of that I could have done differently to help the situation. My hope is that if I admit my part it will soften the other person a little and maybe they’ll see how I’m hurting too.
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas the blame game never leads to peace and none of us want to be stuck in arguing so why not apologize?
@soulsings I think sometimes egos get in the way. I’ve known people that, when they feel guilty realizing they did something mean, they don’t feel sad they get angry. They’ll then find a way to make it 100% my fault. It is what it is. I’m realizing after all this time that I can only change myself.
Yes I agree I can only change myself and how react