Anger: the Wrecking Ball
Anger seems to erupt as fast as lightning. You can be having a good feeling talking to someone but they say something that hits a nerve or a button and ---WHAM--- angry words erupt and then all that good feeling is gone and you can't seem to get it back.
- How do you calm yourself down after anger strikes?
- How do you relax the situation and get back those good feelings after a burst of anger after an unresolved argument with someone?
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Thank you for the question!
When anger appears, I do my best to engage in a spiritual practice in which the anger is removed (literally) from my consciousness.
Of the countless times this has happened, one surfaces in my memory.
I was in the basement getting something, and suddenly I hear my 2 year old son, in the kitchen. He has put on his snowboots and is stomping around right above my head. I believe my wife was either taking a nap or busy on an important call … and I scrambled up the stairs ready to “throw him out the window” I was so mad!
I remembered what I had learned from my spiritual teachers and proceeded to “let go”. Within seconds he stopped. And when I opened the basement door, instead of scolding him I gave him a great big hug!
The moral of the story is—for whatever spiritual practice you engage in—jump in and put it into action right away.
@FaithfulScout that must have been a very special hug! You were freed from the grip of anger.
Cool prompt.
Anger does take the wind out of me most times I feel like exploding or imploding depending on the perceived control I seem to have over the situation.
I suppose I wish I could relax, reflect, take it easy and come up with quick and easy solutions to benefit everyone involved, but that's not always the case. In the fortunate instances where I can grasp the nature of my emotions on time, I usually get on the phone with one of my closet allies and vent it out and they usually have this amazing skill where they laugh or listen without judgement and diffuse the storm that would otherwise drive me nuts 🎈
I absolutely appreciate these people, I always feel validated and heard by them. I think it's a magical connection and I don't know what I would do without them.
Other times when I can't really call or talk about my feelings, I spend the rest of the day in a storm of emotions. There's a sharp pain in my chest, a thick, heavy cloud in my lungs and I can't really get enough air, my thoughts are always racing wondering why whatever happened happens to me. I blame myself a lot, I get irritable at the littlest thing, until I can finally get back home to my comfort zone, do something distracting like cooking or cleaning, a shower and a movie or journal and sing out loud.
I find that these activities take the edge off, if not completely then 60-70% of the pain. I feel better afterwards and it doesn't always go away... especially if the problem isn't solved, but after I somehow get some sleep I definitely wake up fresh faced and work actively to find a solution. Mostly through research, consultation and AI.
If I can't fix it, I distract myself until I can forget about it.
@bestSugar5181 I hear you. Anger is very challenging to deal with.
@soulsings
- How do you calm yourself down after anger strikes? i meditate and do yoga
- How do you relax the situation and get back those good feelings after a burst of anger after an unresolved argument with someone? by using my coping skills to relax and breathing exercises i calm myself down. Then I stay away for a bit from the person who made me angry
@pamharley003 those are good techniques to get back to the peaceful mind.
@soulsings
While it takes A LOT to get me upset or angry, when it does happen, I have to remove myself from the situation.
Sadly, I have my fathers anger but thankfully I was blessed with a much longer fuse. I am not a fan of that side of me. A man striking a woman or a child is a very fast way to see the wrong side of me.
@courageouspanda2006 it is hard to see inappropriate behavior that appalls us and not react.
@soulsings
How do you calm yourself down after anger strikes?
I talk myself through the consequences of my anger eruption. I focus on deep breathing.
How do you relax the situation and get back those good feelings after a burst of anger after an unresolved argument with someone?
Meditation.
@trueconfidant123 following the breath helps calm me down also.
@soulsings
Glad to know.
One thing that helps me is to try feel some compassion for someone who provokes me. If they are inconsiderate then they must not be happy themselves. Counting to ten before reacting and taking several deep breaths allows the parasympathetic nervous system to kick in and then we can react in a more conscious and deliberate way.
@azureAcres1605 having compassion for someone who is angry does not judge the person and does not condone the behavior either.
I just stop talking for few minutes and start doing my things and when I feel calm , I talk about it with soft tone
I like to tone down the volume. It helps
@soulsings
You could count on the fingers of ONE hand the number of times I've been really angry in my life and each time I was right.
Self-control....
@soulsings
I use supportive self-talk and keep myself busy (exercise, clean) to let negative energy out. Then I would reflect on the issue if needed, try to understand why a person is reacting like that or if it was something that does not need further attention just go on with my day.
Sounds like that works for you.
