Please tell me what do you think I have cause I don't know anymore
Hi there, I'm Nicole, if you didn't know me (obviously you didn't). I just wanted to share with you these little problems I have and you tell me what I might have because I don't think this is normal.
Everyday I'm angry, and I easily get angry and when I do I get really furious. Like I always want to be right, sometimes I get angry for no reason or when I start thinking about the past (like bad memories and stuff that made me embarrassed or idk just bad memories, I feel like living them again and like I get a series of imaginary scenes where I punch/hurt people really hard and yell while letting go all of my anger).
And if I'm not angry, I'm frustrated or like dissatisfied with things that even I don't know, but that's how I feel.
And as always, I feel sad. Like literally everyday there's that little moment which I stop and I'm like...sad for no reason. And what's even funnier, is that if I stop thinking about bad memories, I get furious (I once even succeeded in giving myself a strong headache by doing so) but if I stop to think about how I truly feel, even on a "happy day" I start crying, sometimes for no reason or because I feel like there's something not right, but I just can't understand what's wrong.
Even my parents noticed my anger. Idk anymore what to do. My mom thought of take me to the psychologist but the point is that I can not talk to her. Not because I don't want to, I just can't. I can't open up and talk to a person I don't know about my feelings and I actually feel uncomfortable with my parents there and just the fact that I'm showing to people my weakness. It sucks. It really does. But I don't know what is my problem, and what to do...tell me what do you think I have :(
@NickyYayUwU
i do not know a name for it i have seen people who seem to do things like this.....
everyday even small inconveniences or items can make them angry ... on days when they have not been set off sometimes they re-live moments or interactions that did set them off ..... they would like to tell off a person or people etc... It is hard to let go that the moment has past .... holding on to anger just makes next item blow up far bigger then it really is.
IMO in my case it was misdirected frustration ... things that did not work out the way i expected or in the time frame i thought it should be........ i felt slighted and i wanted revenge....
even if my position was correct...... sooner or later i realized that i was letting small.......... in the big picture of things insignificant interactions ........were living rent free in my head ....
others who may have offended me in some way .......were not spending their evening rehashing a incident.
Maybe this is not what you are dealing with but your description reminded me of this item i am still working on.
Yeah it's more or less like this my situation.
Thanks for the support! :)
oh and I hope you get well soon from this, which will obviously happen to you and will not to me. ¯ \ _ ( ツ ) _ / ¯
@NickyYayUwU
It turns around when you learn to let the small things go ..... any way you can ....i find writing it down helps not talking about it because one can see small things and take it as something else...
it can be turned off and when you feel it coming on i take long walks and just find ways to defuse.
Yeah.. :(
I'll try to find a way out, thanks for the support!
@NickyYayUwU seeing a professional about anger management is something some people like to do.
Here are a couple self help activities that may be of interest. https://www.7cups.com/help-managing-emotions/
I have not seen this one but TED talks are usually good https://youtu.be/sbVBsrNnBy8
Hope you get the support you are looking for.
@soulsings @NickyYayUwU
Not understanding and not knowing can be most frustrating. I can empathize with you. It's ok to feel that way at the moment.
For me, the littlest and sometimes stupidest things will send me to the edge of screaming. And I logically will look back at it and be like, WHY???
Soul has some really great suggestions Nicky. And I would like to append with that.
What helped me a few times was to keep a small little notepad with me or use your phone 'Notes' and jot a few things down from time to time. And as time progressed, I was able to describe in more details my emotions so when I saw my Therapist, I just handed my little book. Didn't have to talk, I let my notes at those times speak for me.
You know Listeners are here if you need one without judgement.
@ProfessionalPuppy thank you! you know I once used to write down every single day what I felt during the day and how it was, but at a certain point I stopped and I can't remember why I did it.. I think I'll try to do it again like you said, and maybe I'll be fine I guess? Thanks for the suggestion!!!
Thank you!!
@NickyYayUwU Hey :) Do you think you could possibly be dealing with depression? It could cause anger and irritability. Only a professional would be able to tell you for certain of course. It can be really really hard to open up to people you don't know and face to face is super hard. You mentioned that your parent thought to take you to the psychologist? If your parents will take you you don't have to talk to the psychologist with your parents there. You can ask to speak with her alone. You don't even have to jump right into your feelings right away. Of course adults try to tell you otherwise lol but you could maybe try it and see how it goes? Give it a session or two? What do you think? What ever you're dealing with or going through it won't go away on it's own. Don't let it eat you alive. You know this right? Or you wouldn't have reached out :) You can do this!
Hi!! <3 Yeah, I actually do think I suffer from it, and stuff became rough from 2021 when I found out that my father cheated on my mother and considering that I found out all that so it was so stressing. Then there was the classic school stress because I had many exams to do, then stress because of my mental health... AAAAAAH. Total mess.
It's actually been 6 years that I go to this psychologist, but I believe that 6 years ago I did not need it. Right now I do need help even though I don't want to :(
I started going to psychologist from 2016/17 then stopped in 2019 and then in 2022 I came back with my mother (since I'm still a minor even though I'm almost 17, but at the time I was 15..) and literally the first time I met her after a long time was hella embarrassing. I didn't want to talk. My my wrist hurt from the fact that I had sprained it by hitting a person (again due to anger) and I remember that the psychologist asked me out of the blue if I was okay, I remember I said yes and after a few seconds I started crying in front of my mother and the psychologist. I didn't mean to cry for no reason.. And something I really DO HATE is CRYING in front of people. Idk it just makes me soo embarrassed, that's why I prefer letting stuff inside.. And that day I couldn't talk at all, she asked about school and I literally couldn't speak. The next time we went there I was "calm", she asked me why I had such reaction. I told her it was because in the morning I tend to be more upset (which is absolutely not true but I had to lie somehow Idek why..) I think I shouldn't have lied, but like what could I tell her? The truth that even I don't know? Cause I don't know why I started crying that day, so I decided to lie..
Uhh, I'm sorry if this message is too long and boring, I'm really sorry. By the way I think they'll probably send me again in therapy because my mom already knows my situation even though she "believes that who suffer from depression has a demon inside or close" since she's very religious. I mean I'm a very good christian as well and I'm very religious too, but I also believe that anybody can become depressed at some point in their lives. Mostly if they have such a disgusting life like mine at the moment. I once tried to give up on everything and just end everything if you know what I mean😓.. but something stopped me somehow, which also made me believe more in God. I started believing it was an angel, because what I was going to do was something which I wasn't afraid of and also I didn't care what would've happened after I died since I hated so much myself, but after that day I literally changed mind and set a goal in my life. From "nothing". I don't believe that this change came out of nowhere, but one thing's for sure. No matter how hard life is, I'll go on and reach my goals in life.
(Sorry again for the long message..)
@NickyYayUwU Those are definitely things that would cause depression. Finding out that your dad cheated must have come as a pretty big shock. Maybe there's anger towards him yet? Maybe there's a lot of different emotions towards him and what happened that are unresolved? Maybe even grieving how things changed or were lost. And with the stress from exams and school. Stress can end up feeding depression
Ok! Thank you dear!! ☺️☺️❤️
@NickyYayUwU I am sorry you feel upset about crying in front of people. It is okay. Maybe your mother does not let her sensitive side out. Maybe you felt the true concern and empathy of the therapist and you finally felt like someone gave you permission to express your emotions.
i think people that blame forces outside themselves for things happening, have not yet come to terms with their own inner mind. Depression is something that happens whether one is religious or not. It sounds like your parents have strongly influenced your thinking with their beliefs.
What do you think about the therapist gives you a place that you can be real? I wonder if you might have more productive sessions with your mom in the waiting room. It is hard to open up when someone is looking for demons instead of being empathic.
Hey.👋
She actually does let her sensitive side out sometimes but it's rare, she usually do this on phone calls at home with relatives and people like that.
As you said and as I did, anybody can be depressed, but I definitely wouldn't say that my parents have "influenced my thinking with their beliefs". As I said before I'm a believer and pay respect to those who believe or not, but I believe depression can born for both reasons.
The thing that I kind of misunderstand is the fact that my mom supports and believes that one of my older cousins, which two years ago lost her father, which was my uncle, is depressed (I believe as well she is since she's been going to therapy).
I'm feeling like my mother doesn't want ME to be depressed, like she can't ingest this fact, perhaps. Or she simply knows I'm depressed or that I risk depression but she doesn't want to tell me anything because she doesn't want to put weird stuff in my mind, like she would say.
Also, I don't know why, but I don't like the therapist I have. She makes me kinda uncomfortable and I feel like she's not helping me: sometimes she asked about how I've been soending my holidays, or how's school going, and stuff like that ... Only ONCE in six years she asked me how I felt. I don't know if it's just me that I'm weird or it's just the world that thinks I'm crazy, but anyway I'll find a way out. If not now, in the future I hope. Thanks for the support anyway
@NickyYayUwU there is a stigma about mental health issues with many people, possibly your mother. Parents may think what did I do wrong that I have a child with depression? What will people think of me if they find out?
This is the self centered view that afflicts some people.
It is hard to know if therapist has helped or not. If you want to be proactive, you may want to ask them if they think meds might help with the depression as many people do med treatment and not just talk therapy. If they are not a prescriber then maybe they could refer you to someone.
ANother way to go is to ask them what the treatment plan goals are for you and how are things progressing. If they do not have a treatment plan they may be just like someone you can chat with. Not sure if those are appropriate but think about them.
Also ask yourself, "How am I compared to how I was a year ago, 3 years ago?"
That would be very easy if I only had at least the courage to ask such things..
@NickyYayUwU
hey you are not alone in this. Since I was a kid I wasn’t have a normal childhood memories cuz for some reason I can’t even remember it. I grew up with a kid that love to not open up about my feelings. I am also always angry. When something didn’t happened as what I want to be work I will angry and then being sad like nothing can make me happy. I hate setbacks too I’m still working on it. I feel like I will never ever happy even people deserve to be happy. I left my ex he crossed my boundaries I felt very disappointed then my anger management take control myself. But I learn to not be too hard for myself. I learned to open up to someone that I trust. You opened up here so congratulations to you!! I have my own counselor she guide me so good. I’m so proud of you for opened up!! You did the right thing!! wrote down all of your thoughts also good for you but dont need to force yourself if you don’t want to, take at ur own pace. Be kind to yourself 🥰❤️ it takes a lot of courage yk to try get better!! I’m so happy for you❤️ keep going! you have nothing wrong but you can read self help book about anger management or another self help book. But it’s just suggestions cuz I know you know yourself better than everyone else❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️🎉🎉🎉🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰thank you for open up!!🎉🎉🎉❤️❤️❤️❤️
Aww thank you Melissa!! 🥰🥰❤️❤️
That's soo kind of you!! I'm sorry that you had to fight against these things when you were little and all the things which happened lately, like what your ex did to you and you know..
I hope you feel better as well as you made me feel right now by reading this beautiful message!! 😚😚
@NickyYayUwU
You are welcome Nicole💜🥰
Eventually you everything will be alright tho🥰❤️ I’m happy you feel that, I’m happy for you🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰
Thank you!! ☺️☺️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
@NickyYayUwU
It sounds like there are certain feelings in you that have been suppressed over time, that get especially poignant when you think about certain scenes- whether real or imaginary. These are classic signs of that having unprocessed trauma.
It sounds like your unprocessed trauma makes you feel frustrated with a general feeling of helplessness. This frustration may be what is leading to your fury, as a form of release. And when you are reminded of bad memories and events, you mentioned that you feel embarrassed. This is your form of being triggered. Embarrassment is a powerful emotion, that activates your nervous system and causes it to go into a strong sympathetic response (elevated heart rate, flushed cheeks, maybe some nausea)— just an overall feeling of being overwhelmed.
It sounds like your anger works as a temporary and explosive release for these big emotions while protecting you from having to sit with the sadness that results from sitting with the emotions as you think about how you truly feel. (The imaginary violence, yelling- it’s all a release and a buffer, which may work temporarily but isn’t a permanent fix) Your anger also prevents you from processing your true emotions (so it gets bottled and worse, even hurting you physically from the effort of suppressing true emotions through fury).
It sounds like a vicious cycle, and it must be so, so difficult. It’s very brave of you to share your feelings like this here, and it’s such a great step. I completely understand what you mean by not being able to talk to anyone about this. Your body has kept the score of what happened to you and it sounds like each time you are immersed in traumatic memories, your body has very physical responses, leading to anger, crying, and frustration. Trauma, by definition, is unbearable and intolerable. I have experienced similar severe, traumatic flashbacks, and it really does take tremendous amounts of energy to keep functioning as an adult while carrying those memories and the shame of weakness and vulnerability.
I will recommend a 3-step process, to calm your fight-or-flight response from the triggers and slowly work towards healing, through a trauma-based methodology, from literature+shaped with my own experiences with trauma.
Step 1: Calm your body
I will recommend that the next time you get flashbacks to bad memories, try using some different physical methods to soothe your nervous system. As soon as you're aware of yourself during or after the traumatic flashback itself, you need to calm your bodily reactions and your fight-or-flight response that goes off.
Learning to observe and tolerate physical reactions to feelings is a prerequisite to any further thought and trauma exploration. I personally find that applying pressure with my hands against my lower neck and chest region helps me calm down a little bit. Once I can be calm enough to voice my own thoughts, I move on to step 2.
Step 2: Have new, positive experiences that contradict the negative emotions you feel when you are having flashbacks, etc.
Although Step 2 is a more long-term step, I find that a similar calming effect can be achieved if I voice or write down affirmations that contradict how the trauma flashbacks are making me feel and acknowledge that the flashbacks/hallucinations are not real. I say “This isn’t real”, “You’re okay”, “I’m okay”, “I am strong”, or “I am safe”— any phrase that can help me break free from the mental aspect of it. Becoming aware of what traumatic thoughts trigger physical sensations and hallucinations can help you formulate what thoughts to repeat to yourself to calm down. Here, journaling really helps me. I write down exactly what I feel at the moment, write down the pros and cons of the situation, and then write affirmations if I need them.
In a long-term sense, building positive relationships with others has helped me to be more open and kind to myself. Calming myself just enough to have the courage to open up— and then seeing and experiencing things that directly contradict my trauma has been very helpful in a long-term sense. This helps to rebuild neural pathways, as mentioned in step 3.
Step 3: Rebuild new neural pathways through processing traumatic memories
I only recommend this step once you can successfully use steps 1 and 2 to calm your flashbacks without needing any more than 12 hours. In Step 3, you should process and put the trauma into words so that you can recognize what exactly it is that is causing these physical responses.
Even as I have completed all three steps, I still get triggered to this day and find myself pressing on my chest, breathing deeply, and whispering affirmations. I don't often vocalize the trauma once I'm already aware of it- no need to trigger the flashbacks. Trauma is something that isn’t easily healed, but I wanted to share with you the trauma-informed methodology that worked for me and what gave me further insight into myself.
You mentioned that you “always want to be right”. This sounds like your feelings of value and safety come from being in a position of power where you can’t be contested. Over time, the anger will subside as you process your emotions more and more.
I know this is a long response, but I hope this helps a bit.
Hi! Don't worry it doesn't really matter how long the message is, after all I'm the one ine who types too much😂
Anyway thank you first of all ❤️! Next time I'll have these certain moment I'll try all of the steps you suggested me to follow, and mostly the first one where you say that when you used to cope with bad feelings you would press your lower neck and the chest region, and also as you said in point two, writing down my feelings. To be honest I used to do that, in facts I told this also to a girl or guy who before sent here his response to this thread, but somehow I stopped... I'll try to start again and not let go any single detail. Thank you again for the big support!! ^^
- @NickyYayUwU it sounds like burnout to me!
Some not-self behaviors that trigger anger and frustration:
Trying to prove your worth (you have nothing to prove)
Thinking about things that don't matter
In a hurry to get away from the pressure
Avoiding truth and avoiding confrontation
Holding onto what isn't good for you
Not knowing when enough is enough
Acting outside of the design of your true-self
Source: Robert Krakower
--
A book is "The Body Keeps the Score" and according to the author, Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, the body is an emotional battery. Batteries can be discharged safely.
sorry it is not easy to ask things of your mother. If she is like mine was, she was always trying to be in control.
Can I talk to you frd ?
@saraezhil143 since offsite contact is against guidelines, the only option to chat with a teen as an adult member is to post what you want to talk about here. Does that work for you?
