The little things
Today is my birthday. To be exact my 19th birthday. I have always struggled with wanting to be alone and feeling lonely. They are both two different things, well for me atleast. I hardly have any one who I considered a friend and honestly the only time I have friends is when it comes to partying, other than that I basically have no one. My family, well my Intimate family like my two sisters and my mom, they are not perfect but I appreciate what I have.
to begin with, I like solitary. I like being independent , I like having silence. I like it. But I don’t like feeling lonely. And I feel like no matter how much I tell myself that it’s me who chooses to be that way, I often think that no one ever fights to be there. No one has ever crossed this imaginary line in my brain that confiscated every single feeling known that isn’t near happiness. No one has tried fighting to even get to know me. They have this idea of who I am or who I was but they don’t know me. They don’t know how much I struggle to fight with a damn chemical imbalance in my brain always questioning what I did wrong to feel the way I am feeling. I’m lonely, emotionally, mentally, and physically lonely. Today is my 19th birthday and I have never felt so lonely, this type of loneliness scares me, so much, because am I always going to feel this way?
(just a little birthday reflection)
@amicableSkies2762
Wanting to feel that others want or need us is a natural human desire to me no matter how much we are solitary and independent. People usually look at the outside, often because they are busy with themselves or have other things to do but there are also people who take the time and care and want to know you. I hope you will meet some of these people here and that participating in activities like discussions and open chats will also make you feel more connected with others. Dealing with chemical imbalances in the brain is rough and can make you feel like being on an emotional roller coaster and doubt yourself but it does not mean it has to be like this for the rest of your life! You can learn to deal with your challenges. Mindfulness practices can be very helpful to ground yourself and get out of the story in your head telling you that you did something wrong. This is a link to our self-help guides https://www.7cups.com/supportGuides/selfHelpGuides.php.
I'm very sorry that you feel so lonely on this special day in your life, hugs (if accepted).
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! ❤️
@amicableSkies2762 So first of all, happy birthday!!❤️ I know you may not be feeling well right now but the fact that you made it through another year is a victory in itself I guess, even if sometimes we can't see it. I'm a specialist in spending birthdays all by myself lol so I guess I just wanted to tell you that you just have to make it through the day, and know that there's nothing wrong with you. Someday you'll find good people, people that don't give up on you and that make you happy.
I think when you reach a determined age we all feel a little sad or nostalgic in our birthdays, so hang in there. In fact, I think it's actually normal to not be okay in birthdays. Just know the good people will come. At least that's what I tell myself. Hope you have a wonderful year ahead
@amicableSkies2762 I completely understand you. I like to have my alone time, but I hate the feeling of being alone. I also understand when you say that you want people to fight for you. I feel like I am always searching for someone who will fight for me. I honestly thought I was the only one who felt that way because I have still yet to find someone who I believe will truly fight for me. Anyways, happy birthday! And know that you are not alone.
@amicableSkies2762 Happy Birthday to you. 🎊🎊🎊🎉🎉🎉🎂🎂🎂🤗🤗🤗🤗
@amicableSkies2762 I relate to having that feeling of wanting to be independent but also wanting to be around people. Happy birthday btw try to make the most of the day
Happy birthday! I’m a bit younger than you at 18. Life can get lonely, but it doesn’t mean you’re alone. I myself and so many kids our age are having such a rough time. It’s so much change. But no storm lasts forever. Keep trudging! One day you’ll be smiling and things will be better. Trust that
Happy Birthday !
@amicableSkies2762 Happy birthday,this is a wonderful day to appreciate the ones around you and everything that is good in your life ,smile because it's an amazing day❤
Happy happy birthday to you, may you find reason to smile. I'm sorry to hear about AL that you're going through
@amicableSkies2762
What a very well written birthday reflection. It sounds like, at times you appreciate being alone as I do too. I don't feel lonely during these times, which is a good thing. People talk about having friends and there are lots of different kinds of friends one could have. What really is needed in our lives is a confidante and that is very hard to find as well as precious to have. A confidante has special qualities of understanding and honesty with an urge to protect; so these kind of people are very hard to find. We all feel lonely without a confidante in or peer range but don't let that dismiss the friends you could have in your circle because they allow for a wonderful relief. It sounds like you could have friends if you wish but you are really looking for a confidante. Use friendships to enjoy while giving time for a confidante relationship to get seeded. You towards someone and someone towards you, it's a two way selfless relationship. It takes time and it is a slow build but until then......
HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY! My birthday wish for you is if you are alone you do not feel lonely today.... or tomorrow... or for the next few days at least!😜 🍰 🎉
