Trauma Support Check-in February 4th - 6th

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hello,

My plans for the weekend are to complete some projects I started for Valentine day.

Grateful to wake up

Summer is my best-liked weather

🐟 Any plans for the weekend?

Already at the tail end of it here but I have a couple more cleaning tasks to do and then a half hour more work (been putting off a hard new task so going to just work on it for half an hour so it stops being this unstartable thing).
Might get takeout for dinner with my husband for dinner.

🐟 What is something you are grateful for?

I'm grateful for all the food in my apartment I can eat.

🐟 What's your favorite type of weather?

I love heavy rain, I love overcast with no rain, and I love snow. I'm glad I live somewhere with at least some of those.

I am new here and am not sure how to navigate around yet or really do much at all. One big issue that has began to occur the last two weeks and more so this week is that my youngest daughter is in an investigation due to some possible family involved abuse allegations. Mind you, I have c-ptsd and do not remember but maybe 5-10% of my childhood prior to age 11/12. This situation has brought up many triggers and feelings in which I’m unaware of… such as, I feel certain emotions very strongly and am unaware of why I feel these feelings since I have blocked out the actual situation(s) that are in relation to the feelings I feel. I just know this is a sensitive subject matter for me, have about zero support regarding the whole situation, and am now having past events which I dissociated during and have had them blocked from my memory for no less than two decades now, and having these triggers - although only the feelings and emotions are currently occurring, and I am not actually having flashbacks or memories (though I’m even more frightened by the idea that the longer the investigation goes on, the more likely these are to occur) - it has been a very difficult thing already. I want and know I need to stay strong for my daughter who is 4 years old and going through this, but also my 7 year old daughter, who, while uninvolved in this possible case, for she needs to be kept safe and unaware of the situation specifics for her own mental health, as she already struggles with intense anxiety and is very sensitive. The girls are very close and I need to protect them both,

in different ways, but they need their mother to be caring, nurturing, and stay strong for them, if nothing else. The fact that my past trauma is subtlety beginning to appear amidst this is making it that much more difficult. On top of the almost 14-day old (IE the beginning of this pretty new) investigation, I have been dealing with a legal child custody lawsuit with my ex regarding my

youngest, which the girls know somewhat of that situation but not exactly what it exactly is and what it means - but their emotions show they are fully aware something is and has been going on that they are not comfortable with) and now my ex has started to draw up divorce papers as well, and it is all happening at once. Children may not know what is happening exactly, but they know when there are situations going on and they can tell based on your (IE my own, the parents, etc) moods, emotions, reactions, etc, when something is going on and it disrupts them and their lives and emotional regulation and much more. A huge emotion and reaction that they both are showing is extreme attachment and separation anxiety. This can be between each other or between myself and one of them. It has caused extra tension and stress for me also, as I end up sleeping with one or both of them every night, they won’t leave my sight, sometimes the youngest will even grab onto my leg and not let go to the point that I can hardly walk around our apartment at all because she just will not let go of me and both need my constant attention and it’s the most difficult thing I have ever had to deal with.

has anyone else dealt with even a somewhat similar situation as this? What did you do? How did you handle it? What do you do when /if former traumatizing memories become flashbacks and you become more aware of the specifics from your past? How can I be there for my children like I want to be, while also caring for myself?

any help or advice would be appreciated for this is possibly the most difficult thing I have had to deal with before and it is only the beginning of it all…

@WriteToHeal42

1. Any plans for the weekend?

2. What is something you are grateful for?

3. What's your favorite type of weather?

I'm late to the party but things were hectic sorry.

I don't have plans but I had work on the weekend (for that specific) week.

I was okay otherwise, and try to pace myself accordingly.

I am grateful that I found a job recently so part of my stress is gone, but some lingering depression.

My favourite type of weather is when it is lukewarm and lightly windy like during the spring. Like, good enough weather to sit outside and breathe the fresh air.

I like seeing the cherry blossoms during the spring hehe.