Traumatic Experiences Community - Daily Check In - Monday February 26th 2018
Welcome to another Monday. And today is National Tell a Fairy Tale Day.
Have you ever wished your life was more like a fairy tale? Where youd exist in a world of princes and princesses, and live happily ever after? Well perhaps your life is more like a fairy tale than you first think. Because actually, lots of fairy tales have pretty grim plots - of wicked stepmothers, magical curses, fire breathing dragons, or being isolated in a locked castle, or trapped in never ending sleep. Its only after the subject of the fairy tale has fought back against these terrible circumstances they find themselves in, that they finally find their happy ending.
So what can we learn from fairy tales? Do they perhaps tell us that we can be in charge of our own destiny? That we can have terrible events happen in our lives, yet still overcome them and find happiness. How could you give your story that fairy tale ending?
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oooooooooooo.....Deb, Deb Deb, Deb Deb.......My life is like Snow White....if the 7 dwarfs were evil and each had an eviler twin....and if one of them had a triplet I guess. It's like Alice in Wonderland....because everyone I've dealt with has been absolutely MAD! It's like The Little Mermaid...because my father was overly controlling and my voice was stolen by evil people. It's like Sleeping Beauty...because one prick, and I'm down for what feels like forever. It's like so very many of those stories if we're breaking them down into the smaller details. BUT. I find that I am most like Te Fiti/Te Ka, with a little Moana thrown in. Because I hold the heart that can bring me back to life, and it's been slowly spreading over this last year or so to give me back my voice. My favorite part of Moana is when Moana gives Te Ka back her heart, and she turns back into Te Fiti. When Moana realizes that Te Ka is Te Fiti, she is no longer afraid, because she knows that Te Ka is only acting the way she is because she feels broken and afraid herself. So Moana gives her back her heart as she sings, "They have stolen the heart from inside you, but this does not define you.", and then Te Ka turns back into Te Fiti and everything is right with the world again. My heart is just about the only thing that wasn't stolen, actually, because I have a good heart, it just doesn't always come across. My sense of safety, my ability to trust, my self-worth, all those sorts of things, those are what was stolen from me. But it doesn't define me. I am working on it, and I will be okay. I got to walk through a street in Dresden, Germany where someone was playing an accordion, and with the buildings we were walking through it just...I took a short little clip as we were walking because it truly felt like we were walking through a fairy tale. I think my trips overseas have really helped me in overcoming a lot the last couple years. I did so many things that had previously terrified me. I got to see so many places I'd always wished I could, but never thought I would. I made Jameson at the distillery in Dublin. I went to Trinity College and saw the Book of Kells. I stood on the Eiffel Tower. I went to Disneyland Paris. I visited the Anne Frank house. I went to several concentration camps. I walked in the Swiss Alps (and was so very grateful my brother was driving, because it felt like Ice Road Truckers and I was so nervous just being the passenger but omg I would've died if I was driving!). I visited multiple castles and palaces, and I was like a child at each and every one of them (much to my brother's dismay lol). I took a train from Paris to London. I saw Big Ben. I went on the London Eye. I have done SO. MANY. THINGS. these past two summers that I truly never thought I would. That's part of my fairy tale. The dragons are gone. The evil monsters have disappeared. All that's left now is me, and I'm finally getting the life that I've been fighting for all these years. 😊💜
@BeeLeigh
Those are such inspiring words Bee. The dragons are gone, the monsters have disappeared, and youre getting the life youve been fighting for. That is indeed a fairy tale ending, and you wrote it.
Your travels sound amazing, and its wonderful youre gaining such strength from exploring these places you never thought youd see. Never say never eh?
@DeborahUK
I think mine is more of a
@BeeLeigh
Im so sorry you had to lose a loved one to enable this opportunity. But reading what youve written, how much those travels meant to you, and how youre finding your own path in part thanks to those experiences, how proud would Grampa be that he left that legacy? Youre a credit to his memory Bee.
@DeborahUK
Omg Deb, way to make me tear up while I
@BeeLeigh
Happy tears I hope. Be brave at therapy Bee. Seize the day :)
@DeborahUK
Yes ma
@DeborahUK
You know, when he was in and out of the hospital toward the end, every single time a nurse or doctor walked in after I got there (and magically it was *always* me who did his intake paperwork!), he would look at them with his eyes tearing up and say, This is my granddaughter, Bee, and I am so proud of her!. We didnt know he was dying, but I think he did. He made a point of telling us things about his life he never had before, reiterating his favorite stories, and he made a point of telling us how proud he was of us, and how much he loved our significant others, and how much he loved spending time with us, and on more than one occasion, he said, How did I get so lucky to have such great grandkids? Also while tearing up. He wanted to make sure we knew he loved us, and that just really makes me think he knew.
For one to believe in the hope of the good, one has to believe that the good exist in this world.
@humorousBeing8966
Hi there.. I believe we are the good in the world. We are the ones there offering kindness and hope to others.. Much much love 
and safe hugs if you would like them.. Here to offer support and kindness and love
@calmLake1999 Whats the point in living as the ones that people only use and step on? Living as anything else goes against our moral standards, but getting treated with such disrespect is also what we stand against. So why continue?
@humorousBeing8966
It can be really difficult to see the good at times cant it? Especially when you feel life has pretty much beaten you up from the start, or has hurt the people closest to you. But I think its sometimes in the most tragic of moments we can see the kindest of moments. Imagine an act of terrorism and the ensuing tragedy of that. And then picture the people who fearlessly race towards the heart of the event, intent on rescuing, comforting, and saving lives. Do you see goodness then?
@DeborahUK I see a selfless friend who asked for nothing other than for some respect in her place of living get raped, and then have those abusive roommates call her acting as a victim, only for her to need to get away like before by drinking, cutting, and then yet again getting raped when she wanted to hope again.
@humorousBeing8966
Given that experience, I can absolutely see why you would question where the good is in this world. Im assuming this is your experience and you are that selfless friend? Have you had any therapy or support I wonder?
@DeborahUK When she had the courage to finally get some counseling, that was when the second man happened, then the suicidal ideation began and stayed. Because of the negative associations with drinking, the escaping of the worse thoughts that had became stronger, was replaced with self harm. The counselor was more victim blaming. Otherwise, maybe they would be reported by now, or things wouldn't have gotten so bad. It's time action against all those involved are brought to the public eye and disciplinary actions taken.
@humorousBeing8966 That's true, sometimes it's really hard to believe. If you could make a percentage how much do you believe right now?
@Imaginativa2930 It is close to 0% right now
@DeborahUK
saw one the worst nightmares ever.. 😞😞😞😭😭😭
I need to stay safe..
@sensitiveShade5337
*big safe hugs* we are there with u in spirit. You are strong and you will overcome.. Much much love
@calmLake1999
thanks, I stayed home today but I will be going to have my nails done later
@sensitiveShade5337
I wonder what look you went for with the nails Shade? How about these?
@sensitiveShade5337 big hugs Shade! I also get really thrown off by nightmares when they happen. I hope you
@purpleWest8143
Thanks, I did forgot it but it was really scary
@sensitiveShade5337
I even forgot the English I know
@sensitiveShade5337 😜
I can give my story a fairy tale ending by just allowing myself to feel the things that are conflicting. By taking one step at a time. Fighting every fight while maintaining who I feel I really am which is compassionate even when things get tough. I am trying to regain my fight by just being me. I won't let anyone tell me how I should I feel at this moment because what I am feeling is valid to me. I found a little joy tonight in just dancing and playing with my puppy.. I will overcome these things that are tough because I owe it to the little me to keep thriving.
@calmLake1999
Absolutely calm, and be proud to be you! Were sometimes so busy internalising our feelings, or getting angry, or feeling upset with ourselves, or wanting to feel better sooner, or so on and so on. But as you recognise, little you is there, relying on you to nurture them. So yes, take control, go at your own pace, and do it for the little you.
survived all the talking and blah, curling up now.
I make up my own fairy tales as some are triggering
@LifeIsMyCanvas
Talking and blah? Sure sounds like something you need to relax after.
And Im well into the idea of making up those fairy stories. Without the evil, without the stereotypes, but with a good, strong, life affirming ending.
Where to start? Once upon a time......
@DeborahUK
My story is here: https://youtu.be/tGzFIIogocg
@DeborahUK
I guess being confident in myself for a start. My confidence is fleeting and Ill usually lose it again days after I gained it. On social media I send nice messages to my friends and people I like all the time. Its my way of making them happy and showing that I love them, a little gesture to boost their confidence. When I get messages back from them I get really happy too. My confidence is mostly based on what other people think of me, latching onto everyone I like is probably a side effect of my abuse. I know I shouldnt be like this but I cant seem to stop. Today was a good day though and I was productive with homework so Im glad for that.
@CartoonDarling
Self confidence is certainly a powerful thing to have, but Im not sure you should ever lose that desire to please people. I mean, there are levels to it, and for some people their whole self esteem is made up of how many likes a post gets, or how many friends they have on social media. Im not convinced that level of pleasing is so necessary, because you can lose who you are in trying to create a persona to appeal to everyone else. But of course its nice to think you can do something to make someones day a little better, and thats something you too can gain pleasure from. To have total disregard for how youre perceived by others would become supremely arrogant. Oh blimey, now I think about it its mind boggling isnt it?
Maybe what Im trying to get across is best summarised by the saying you cant please all of the people all of the time. So allow your actions to be driven by your beliefs, and what feels right to you as an individual. You may delight some people, yet leave others feeling nonplussed. But youll be authentic to who you are, and hopefully find your own sense of self, and learn to be proud of being you.
@DeborahUK
💛Thanks💛
@DeborahUK -
Great post. I have so many thoughts on this, but I'll try to be succinct. (Loads of rambling paragraphs follow, haha)
As a child, I hoped and willed and even prayed that my life was like a fairy tale, that someone was coming to save me, that my book was still being written. All I had to do was sit still and wait for my hero to whisk me away. I wanted someone to kidnap me away from where I was. I gave up on that after a few years of no one saving me. As a teen, I was fascinated with how brutal and dark the original fairy tales were from Brothers Grimm and folklore. Some of the original stories are horrific. I do not recommend that you look them up, as they are definitely triggering. As an adult, I am saddened to realize the sexist and cis-gendered roles that are [now obvious to me] in fairy tales, especially the classics. The woman is always helpless and hopeless until some stranger saves her. Modern day fairy tale movies are a little better on that aspect, but not by much in my opinion. For this reason, I do not correlate my life with fairy tales anymore, although I understand and appreciate what the original post is saying. It's not a fairy tale, but The Paper Bag Princess was always a favorite of mine.
Anyway - no one ever came to save child-me of course. In the end, I saved myself. Since then, it feels as though I'm slaying dragons every day, relying only on myself. It's exhausting. I wonder if anyone really experiences Happily Ever After, or if I ever will. Even a passing moment of Happily Ever After sounds nice.
Today, I am extremely anxious and hypervigilant. But I am doing my best to take care of myself, breathe, and stay focused. Thanks for this needed distraction.
@wontsleepwontwake
You're right, those traditional old fairy tales set a lousy example didnt they, with the poor defenceless woman just waiting to be saved. And even more right that in reality, the only person who can fully save you, is you. There may be help along the way, but you have to want it, accept it, and be brave enough to keep at it. So well done you for saving yourself.
As for your own fairy tale ending. Well, Id never even heard of the ‘paper bag princess, but I just got a summary of it from Wikipedia and I think thats a pretty good happy ending. The princess is empowered enough to see the prince for what he is, cast him aside, and go in search of something more fulfilling, with a new found bravery and self determination. She lived and learned, and it pointed her towards a potentially happier outcome. Maybe thats the lesson to be taken on board?
@DeborahUK
@DeborahUK If I could be in a fairy tale, I would be a mermaid, I think.
Today has been tiring, I'm feeling bad in all possible ways. I'm getting the idea of hurting myself again but my brain has been pushing it away as much as possible. Let's see how much I can take. I'm getting nightmares again, today I got a new type of nightmare, my nightmares can be very repetitive so it was weird to have a "new kind of nightmare" but I guess I'll get use to this kind in a couple of weeks. At least I've been eating at least two meals in a day (?)
Nice to see you again, Deb. I hope you had a good day.
@Imaginativa2930
Im sorry to hear youve been experiencing such a hard time recently. But its lovely to see you reaching out, and important too. I may be slow to respond, (sorry about that, work is hectic), but youre not alone. Keep venturing into other parts of the trauma sub community, and hopefully youll be able to receive prompt support and encouragement.
You must tell me more about this mermaid. Im intrigued. So why a mermaid?
@DeborahUK I understand you are busy with your job, I hope you have time for self-care too. I'm trying to participate more, I get really shy trying to write out of check-ins. Thank you.
So, in 2013 I saw this documentary about mermaids, it felt so real and I just felt in love with the idea of mermaids being real. In that time I spent a lot of time reading about magical characters and there are so many great ones but I just love mermaids. So I started to see a lot of videos about mermaids, reading books, articles, listening to songs, everything related to mermaids!
Then I found this awesome book about mermaids based on Greek mythology and it made me feel being a mermaid must be the most awesome thing ever, it sounded like being a mermaid I could get away from this world and be free in the sea. So I was shocked that the protagonist didn't want to be a mermaid! Why?! And someone gave me another book about mermaids as a gift, this one was more like a myth from a little town, it was lovely.
Someone told me that the documentary isn't real and I confirmed it which made me sad, it's like telling a kid Santa Claus isn't real! But I still love mermaids and dream about seeing one someday.
@Imaginativa2930
Now youve described it, it does sound fabulous! Being free, and the whole of the worlds oceans to explore. Nice idea :)
Heuly guys I feel like something really had happened to me but I repressed it. On top of all of the abuse that did happen (I know for a fact) how do I try to unrepress it?
