Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Check In - Monday October 23rd 2017
Hey everyone!! Something that has come up recently for me is reminding myself to self-love. Early in my recovery I tried to downplay my achievements, I would always say things like "This wouldn't be difficult for a normal person." Like despite it being difficult for me and overcoming that pain and struggle, I still saw what I did as not good enough. I completed a task, but the mere fact that it was difficult would keep me from feeling pride in my work or getting any relief from ticking off the checkbox. Or I would see myself as not recovering fast enough or that things wouldn't take as long for other people.
It is so exhausting to put yourself down nonstop. That even when you do something good, you just HAVE to find the something bad about yourself. How I eventually learned to deal with these feelings, is practising the feeling of pride without guilt. Seperating out the threads of feeling and forcing myself to sit with the positive for a few seconds. It all comes down to what you LET yourself do. I also had to stop comparing myself against other people. The fact is that life will always be harder for me than the average person. I'm going to have to fight longer and harder because for me it's a struggle to get out of the bed most days, despite me considering myself to be in a healthy place currently. What I do instead of comparing against other people, is compare against myself at long increments. I compare to myself 6 months ago, a year ago, 5 years ago. The fact is that I HAVE improved. Despite how it feels and despite feeling like I'm still not where I want to be, I HAVE IMPROVED. I also have to keep in mind any environmental things outside my control that could lead me to be worse in some ways from 6 months ago. But at the same time, that although some bad things have happened, I have improved in other ways, or that I recovered quicker than I usually do.
I am doing the best possible with the cards I have been dealt today. I am not doing all the things in my dreams and fantasies, but I am functional and everyday I improve in some way and reach for those goals.
I made this little exercise to help you guys practise having pride in yourself.
I'd love to hear about your accomplishment this week. I'd love to hear you be proud and OWN that accomplishment. How do you feel after doing this exercise? Good? Uncomfortable? Is it forreign? Is this something you believe you could make a regular practise?
If you don't want to do the exercise, no biggie. Let me know how you're doing because I'd love to hear from you :)
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@Hoxenos
I really liked that you had this exercise for today!
I have been in the poor me pity pot for too long.
At first I was thinking, I have done NOTHING I am proud of at all - life has been hard and horrible and I can hardly survive each day tbh.
But then, I thought: wait, I did do something!
I emailed this therapy / cousneling teaching center a few states away from me ( okay, across the us from me). And I wrote them an email asking just perhaps they might know of a referal to a local ( or not even local ) therapist or program ( I will travel for program) that could offer sliding scale or " scholorship". Bc all I get are no, no, and no - everytime I look. So - I took all the nos, and I said, there Must be a yes somewhere. I did not give up.
I sat with this determination feeling for a while...and you know what? I am not the victim I feel I am. That took dang courage and self love and commitment to get better - otherwise I would have given up or said boo hoo - the world is against me. And yes, It is a big possibility that might be a no too,,,,but they can't ALL be nos...right?
SO, thanks for this exercise - it helped me see a good aspect of myself in a time of a lot of pain and self hating.
@blissedNblessed
Hey Blissed!!
Yay!! Reaching out for help is one of the hardest things to do in my opinion. It takes courage to put yourself out like that because it takes a level of vulnerability that can be super scary. Not only did you reach out, but you have done so REPEATEDLY and are not taking no for an answer!! If that's not self empowerment I don't know what is!
I'm really glad that you liked the exercise :)
@Hoxenos
Thanks.
yeah, smiles - that IS self empowerment !
Thank you for putting up this exercise so that I could actually take the time to see and feel the self empowerment <3
@blissedNblessed I just wanted to congratulate you on this. What amazing perseverance and courage. You have encouraged me that if I keep pushing I can get there one day too. I wanted you to know that not only did you help yourself but you helped someone else. Thank you for this.
@EMSFireChic1985
Thanks!
And I think all this determination Might have been for soemthing...
it seems like, but not getting hopes up bc all the other times I did - it was a no...but i think i found one that takes my insurance and as long as they accept me - im all for it - inpatenent, therapy 1-1, ioh php - whatever - i just need - help.
@blissedNblessed I will get just a little excited for you :D. Also hoping that they are exactly what you are looking for and need.
@EMSFireChic1985
Thank you so so so much.
@Hoxenos
i didn't accomplish anything cause my useless self can't do anything right.. I'm still the same b**** I'm always. And don't start lying to me cause I know the truth
@sensitiveShade5337 Hmmm well I think that getting on 7cups looking for support is an accomplishment. Other examples of accomplishments are things like getting out of bed, showering, brushing teeth, doing an errand, self care.
Literally anything that you've done this week that was hard but you did it anyway, that is an accomplishment. Showering is a thing that is especially tough for me, so literally every time I shower that is a victory, regardless of how mundane and easy it is for other people.
I believe that you have some accomplishments you can be proud of Shade :) But it's ok if you don't want to be proud of yourself right now. Do what you need to do and we are here for you all the same *hugs*
@Hoxenos
why would I wanna be proud of myself?
@sensitiveShade5337 That's a great question. I suppose because it is a way to reward yourself after a challenge. It's ok and healthy to be proud of yourself for accomplishing something. But it's also ok if you don't feel ready to do so.
@Hoxenos
i guess I will proud when I feel better.. cause I'm just on those big dark bad days so I can't see anything positive
@sensitiveShade5337 I'm really impressed that you can separate a bad day and bad feelings from who you are as a person. You are not your illness. Your illness is something happening to you. Perhaps this exercise could be something to come back to on another day. You did a good job analyzing your feelings and only do what you're up for today. Good work :)
@Hoxenos
The worst is thinking that I have to study.. I mean I can't do it but it's a must it needs to happen so I'm seeing myself at midnight sooo g exercises and stuff 😞 Give me your positivity plz
@sensitiveShade5337 You can do it!!! ~~`*`~~`*All the positivities being sent your way*`~~`*`~~
@Hoxenos
I never studied and I don't think I will :O
I am proud of myself for doing the right thing and surrendering the last of my three kitties to the shelter. He was the sole survivor (previously rehomed one and had to put down another who was terminally ill) and didnt want to let him go. But he's been unhappy for months (of late spending all his time hiding in the basement) with my roommate's friendly but rambunctious dog, and I am just not able to provide the care that he needs and deserves. The stress was getting to be too much for both of us (especially since having to put the one down, who was a bonded companion). So he will hopefully find a new home where he can get the peace and love and attention that he deserves. And I have to adjust to being in a cat-free household for the first time in nearly 20 years, all within the space of less than two months. Once again my heart is breaking and I'm sobbing and trying to stay grounded and try to grieve, which I am no good at doing. Pride doesn't feel so great at the moment. 😩😩
@melliotm It's ok if pride doesn't feel right, right now. I think it's very brave and compassionate of you to do what's right for your animals. Take some time for you now mellio, we are with you *Hugss*
@Hoxenos Thank you ❤️❤️⛺
@melliotm
agreed. You did right by them and that shows true love and strength. 💛
Hello . Iam just coming back to the community after a bit of hiatus. Things have been improving in my spiritual growth, and I am also working with a therapist for the first time in my life who actually understands that I have trauma. That alone is a blessing after years of being labelled by professionals who did not understand what was actually happening. I had a bit of a scary experience over the weekend aswell, so after my therapy session tommorrow, hopefully I will be able to interact better with everyone. This is a great supportive community here on 7 cups and I am greatful to recconect and be a part of it again.
@philosophicalShip9444 Welcome back!! I'm really glad that you've been able to connect with a therapist after so many letdowns. It takes a lot of perseverance to continue pushing on like that. Good luck in your session and we will be here *hugs*
@Hoxenos Thank you! I am just so thankful to be in this community . I have to spend a bit of time rereading the actual excercise you posted . Hope you are doing well too my friend :)
@philosophicalShip9444 Welcome back ⛺❤️
@melliotm Thank you my friend :)
Not that anyone wants to hear about my day or probably even for me to post so late in the day but I survived another Monday.
And I wanted to share what I am taking away from this exercise, some of you are very resilient and you give me courage that one day despite the fact that things are what they are, things could be different and still ok. Also that most of the time someone isn't just going to reach out to see if we are ok but rather we despite the trauma and everything we have been through need to find just a little bit more strength to reach out and seek our own help. To find that counselor or supper person to help guide us through.
Thank you for being strong and encouraging me to keep moving forward today.
@EMSFireChic1985 We always care and we want to hear from you :) I know that weekends are really tough for you, so I think it's awesome that you got through another one!! I'm glad that the conversations today have encouraged and inspired you and I hope this is an ongoing thing :D
@EMSFireChic1985 " "I survived another Monday."
Now THAT is something to be proud of. ☺️
@Hoxenos i dont think ive done anything this week like a task to complete..or i completed... idk :(
@Jesse9675 An accomplishment is really anythign that you did that was hard but you did it anyway. An example I used earlier for myself is showering. I find showering to be VERY difficult. No matter how healthy I am, showering is consistently a difficult thing for me. Every time I take care of my hygienics, that is an accomplishment for me. It may be a simple thing for other people, but it is difficult for ME.
If the only thing you have done is manage to get out of bed despite it being the hardest thing, then that is atill an accomplishment. This is about rewarding yourself for the effort you're putting into things, and not comparing yourself to other people :)
I'd love to hear about your accomplishment this week. I'd love to hear you be proud and OWN that accomplishment. I want to walk once this week, and write everyday.
How do you feel after doing this exercise? I hope good and no tired and cold.
Good? Hopefully
Uncomfortable? If it is cold.
Is it forreign? No
Is this something you believe you could make a regular practise? I hope so, but weather sucks.
@Rebekahwriter13 There are good goals :) I guess the fact that I wrote this on a Monday was a bit misleading. I meant the PAST week haha. But I'm glad this is going to inspire you to work on goal setting and reaching :) I believe in you!!