Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Check In - Saturday July 29th 2017
A baby mosquito had been out for his first day flying.
When he got home his dad said to him, 'how did that go son'?
'Fantastic dad!' he replied. 'Everybody kept clapping at me'!
Do you get it? The power of positivity. How can you be more mosquito today?
Happy Saturday one and all. Or if it feels less than happy, what's one good thing you can take from today? Great to have you all here. Why not drop by and say hello 🙂
To add/remove your name from the daily checkin tag list, please click here
@Avaray @vriska44 @Shadeshack @BeeLeigh @Faeryschild @dancingRainbow45 @Lavendermoonlight @KLM3278 @sujaypai
@sweetMelody95 @jr50 @agreeableKite4304 @PhoenixPatronus @Morfo66 @themainjane @raycascotch
@KatieMoon1 @conscientiousPineapple1782 @Tamba @inventiveOrange1 @Jenna0903 @melliotm @PanamaBanana
@AutumnLeigh @DeborahUK @PuppyLove13 @HearingYourHeart @vriska @TreesandWine
@guyb @Sharkradio @MKjart @AnnaKateMillerLCSW @Tamba @Celestialvoid @WaterLily16 @TheAsh @MKJart @Asiam1971 @philosophicalship9444 @rumplesteeleskin @Survivetoalive @exuberantTriangle2562 @coraline23 @Lilyflower0817 @caterpillargirl @Survivetoalive @exuberantTriangle2562 @coraline23 @Ivorycat5573 @fearlessPear8268 @themainjane @SemicolonSurvivor @weare1 @weareall1 @Annaka1 @moonchild95 @summernight69 @warmheartedTurtle6662 @sheaintgotnoshoes @rationalWillow8882 @AMusicalSilence @ Racat
@DeborahUK
i have added my name 2 times and there's nowhere my name on the list
@sensitiveShade5337
I'll tag Rain into this, as she's the one who manages the lists (I think). @dancingRainbow45
I saw your post below about feeling ignored, and I'm sorry if you've had unfortunate experiences with listeners. But there are some wonderful listeners on this site (I also have a member account, and I've chatted to quite a few)! It is just the battle of finding them.
Dont give up, and know that you'll always get a warm welcome on the daily check ins. It's great to have you amongst us :)
@DeborahUK The list has been updated today. I have been sick all week and saw that shade has signed up to be tagged in and passed on the updated list to Bella whose posting tomorrow.
@dancingRainbow45
Sorry to hear you've been ill all week. Take care and I hope you are on the mend soon.
@dancingRainbow45 Hope you feel better soon, Raine -- thanks for all that you do here :)
@melliotm Thank you so much <3
It's somewhere around 5am for me. I can't believe it's Saturday already!! I feel like I just got home and I got home Thursday!! I slept on and off all day yesterday, but I was expecting that. So maybe I'll be a little better today? I need to stay awake so I can try to get back with my time zone! So, I guess, a shower and some clean clothes and coffee to start the day off! I woke up with a headache cuz it is actually hot here and with no air conditioning I have to run fans all day, so I should also start my day with some acetaminophen 🙃
@BeeLeigh
Aah, you see? Should have stayed in London.
1. No jet lag
2. No heat!
Glad you made it home safely though Bee. I hope you soon get back into the routine of your time zone :)
@DeborahUK
Ah but if it's cold with cold wind and cold misty rain in the summer...I think I'd die in that winter! Though, our wind chill can drop us to around -50 F at times. They've declared a State of Emergency before because it was so cold cars wouldn't start and being out for more then 5mins would cause frost bite. Kite told me to just stay too lol. But, you know, no home or job over there, an American passport, I don't think I'd get very far! 😜
@DeborahUK
Hi
everyone hates me.. I have no one to talk.. listeners don't even say hello I'm seriously so angry and so frustrated. That sucks and I'm tired of not getting an answer or getting blocked. I'm really sad and my emotions get worse and worse
@sensitiveShade5337
We don't hate you. ❤️
I realize you want a Listener but if you're comfortable please share here with us too.
@themainjane
idk if it's safe here to share more info
@sensitiveShade5337
I think it's safe. Maybe just tell a little of what's bothering you to start?
What makes it not feel safe?
@themainjane
bc idk all the people in here and well I'm not going to say my whole story in here
@sensitiveShade5337
Try posting in the diary section. You can make your own little diary area :)
@sensitiveShade5337
I understand. And you don't have to. Share what you are comfortable with. And you don't have to say anything if you don't want to.
Is there anything that has worked in the past to relieve some of your feelings?
@themainjane
talking to people and letting my anger out
@sensitiveShade5337
Talking to people is a good way to let anger and other emotions out. This is a very healthy way to handle difficult thoughts and emotions. You are wise to use this approach. : -)
@themainjane
but people hate me and I know it's true don't lie to me.
@sensitiveShade5337
We don't hate you here. We have no reason to hate you. Stick around for a little while and you'll see you can talk here. Just look at what I've said in this check in alone. Or go check out the forum discussions and see how much we all share. It's safe here. You don't have to share anything you don't want to but stick around and you'll see it's safe here ❤️
@BeeLeigh
don't trust you neither know if you say is true
i will get blocked in here for being rude and mean.. yeah I'm not a good person
@sensitiveShade5337
Just have a look around and see if you think we're trustworthy. We've all laid out a whole lot about ourselves in the discussions. You can hide out in the background or you can tell us what's bothering you, it's up to you :)
@BeeLeigh
I prefer to live pain cause that's what I deserve to
@sensitiveShade5337
You may feel that way for now, and that's fine, but maybe some day you'll believe you deserve better. It took a whole lot of other people breaking me down for me to finally get to that point, but it is possible.
@sensitiveShade5337
you Do Not deserve to live in pain.
@sensitiveShade5337
also for the diaries: I think you have to click subscribe then it will let you make your own thread.
Good idea, Bee!
@sensitiveShade5337
It's not fun to feel like everyone hates you but please try to remember that it's Not True.
What's going on? How can we help?
@sensitiveShade5337 Hey shade. Im really sorry you dont feel listeners say Hi and this is causing you to feel so angry and frustrated. I dont know what is causing you to feel this way but your very welcome here, and it would be nice if you could get to a point where you felt safe here, and as others have suggested perhaps start a diary link to write in, or check into the daily checkins, so we know whats happening for you and can be here, even if our limited ways. You matter as does everyone here. If there are listeners blocking you inappropriately you know you can make a report if you want to. Im sorry to hear that you feel things are getting worse for you and it can be so hard when your dealing with trauma, to feel that things are moving forward. I hope you feel able to reach out here as do others and to find some support your looking for. 
Shade your name is on the updated tag list for the daily checkins which I updated a few hours ago. You signed up a couple days ago to be included in the tag list but unfortunately I have been sick all week and havent had the chance to update this until today so tomorrow your name will be included on the tag list
I had first experience of trauma when my boyfriend dumped me just like that because he got bored of me and was no more into me. He was a year senior and texted me after his last day in college that he can't give me even 1% of what I want and sees no future of us. After that text, he never talked or met. I was numb after all of that. I felt nothing. That was a mental shock. Eventually over time, the effects of that shock started materialising. I had nightmares whenever I slept. I dreamt of him all the time. I was so traumatised that I was scared of even sleeping. I lost my appetite. I became emotionally numb. I used to get sudden bursts of uncontrolled crying in even public places. I had my semester exams going on at that time. Only I know how I forced myself to study. I used to cry and study at the same time. I was in a terrible mess to be very honest. I am glad that, that phase my life is over. I pray that nobody goes through that. I hope that nobody gets used and then thrown away like a trash like the way I was.
@Geminii5
If this was your first love it can be very devastating when it ends. You must have loved him very much. He could have been nicer about ending it.
I commend you for pushing through and I'm sorry it was so difficult. There will be great love for you again - if you haven't found it already. Stay true to yourself. ❤️
@melliotm
You had an appointment yesterday? Did it go well?
On Wednesday I had my antidepressant doubled and she added an anti anxiety. I'm hoping it takes the edge off and helps me establish some forward momentum.
How's your day?
@themainjane Hey Jane it went ok -- my GP kept my anti-anxiety meds at the same level (my psychiatrist handles mood stabilizer and anti-depressant -- see him on Monday). Was able to make it out shopping afterwards. Kind of feeling it today, both the lingering stress of pushing myself yesterday, as well as some anniversary-related issues that seem to be triggering major hyper-vigilance today. Sounds, thoughts, feelings, combining to put me into fight or flight overload. Have barely been able to leave my room (hooray for blanket forts). So it has been a real struggle to remain grounded since I woke up. Doing my best to manage. How has your day progressed since your sour coffee lol?
@melliotm
annivetsary related issues suck. Hang in there.
Days going well. Iron stomach but I tried lol. Or maybe slow metabolism either way it hasn't done me in yet.
I relate to the blanket fitting tho. Any excursion requires me to stay in and calm down the next day.
Were you happy with keeping it the same? That's progress, right?
And congrats on breaking the isolation cycle! Baby steps. <3
@themainjane Thanks Jane. Yes. Baby steps.
Need all the positive vibes I can get tonight.
Maybe her decision to keep me where I'm at was overly optimistic. Or maybe it's just been one of those days (from the get-go) and I'm being hasty (and unkind to myself -- been known to happen). Either way, it's sapping every ounce of mental energy just to hold it together ATM.
@inventiveOrange1
I don't have any words for you other than I'm glad you are here. Please accept help. I know how it is when you get someone get set in their mind and no one can tell them differently. I do this too. But please consider another way. Like Kite said - the world will continue if you have to stop for a moment.
its said a lot and become trite but it's very true in your situation: Self care is of the utmost importance right now.
Please Orange, accept help. We are all here for you, on your side. ❤️
@themainjane thanks jane. Im sorry to everyone ive let down. Im trying to do the right thing and not lose anything. Spoke a bit to hubby. Not everyrhing but he knows its bad now. We are going to try and change some stuff and make plans to help each other. Im def not drinking again and going ro get something to help sleep if its still bad next week.
I cant tell family just because all they would do is worry and that would be worse. Im rational enough i think to do the right thing. I cant stop working as no cover for me and dont want to mess that up too.
If i can sleep i know it will look better tomorrow. Thank you and the lovely people on here for all your kindness. It is touching.
@inventiveOrange1
I'm glad you told hubby. Yes, do whatever works for some sleep and rest.
And you haven't let anyone down. Just take care of YOU. That's truly what we all want for you right now.
@inventiveOrange1<3 just take care of yourself. Prioritize self care. Keep reaching out. Don't feel like you're letting anyone down for being in pain and not knowing how to process.
@melliotm thanks melli. I hope you manage to feel a bit more grounded too. Anniversaries suck. Big hugs.
@inventiveOrange1
Love you!!!!
@singercrystalspirit love you too sweetie. Take care of you. Hugs
Hmmm, I've been eating tons of food the past several days and it feels soooooooo good to not stress and eat whatever/whenever I want and to just feel blissed out.
I know it isn't healthy for my body even though it feels so good, so I wrote out a detox plan tonight. I'm ok with the fact that I indulged because it felt really good.
I don't tend to feel like I want to take care of myself via my diet. I truly want to eat pastries and chocolate and mac and cheese and pizza all day every day forever and ever amen.
@melliotm
and hey, you know we are not trying to overwhelm you, right?
I know this is overwhelming for you anyway - and it would be for me too.
I read again and it seems you have confirmed the shelters in your area if I'm reading that correctly.
Anyway, I think the ideas Bee listed are a great starting place. If those don't work we can work from there.
What are your thoughts? if/when you'd like to share.
There IS an answer somewhere just hang in there.