Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Check In - Saturday September 2nd 2017
There have been some pretty great check in threads this week. It's said all the best ideas are other people's, so taking my lesson from that, rather than try to match the greatness of those who have posted before me, I wanted to reflect on what we've learnt so far!
On Monday Rain reminded us, hard as it may be, that we can learn to trust and open up to more than one person. In fact that's often beneficial as it ensures you still have someone to turn to if anyone within your support network is unavailable. There is a lot of love and care in the 7 cups community, so let's continue to support one another. You don't have to be alone.
On Tuesday Rozie very beautifully captured something so important, and well worth repeating:
One small change at a time with kindness and patience can add up to something more. So don't give up!
Rome wasn't built in a day people. But slowly and surely it was built, and it's majestic. Just as you are.
On Wednesday Kite tackled the difficult subject of online grooming, and we learnt from contributors to the thread that it happens on 7 cups at times as well. But we can fight back, we don't have to stay in conversations we're uncomfortable in, nor share information we don't wish to disclose. And the 7 cups management will respond quickly to concerns, so don't be afraid to call out any behaviour that's unacceptable to you.
Thursday bought us Rozie again, with a reminder that even paid professional therapists may not immediately be the right fit for you. So don't be afraid to look around, find a therapist that suits you and meets your needs. As humans we're all very different. There isn't a one size fits all.
It was great on Friday to meet a new check in contributor, and what a great check in Forest provided. She told us of 3 sensations we may experience due to our traumas. Depersonalization, Derealization and Dissociation. These are all ways our brain finds to cope with trauma. Don't be afraid of them. Our brains are simply seeking to protect us from the worst of our experiences.
And now to Saturday. I have no such wisdom. I'm just a simple soul. So from a simple soul, a simple reminder:
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@DeborahUK
Really like the way you have done this Deb... giving us time and an opportunity to pause and reflect. Thank you. x.
@DeborahUK ❤️
todays been harder than most. it's fathers day tomorrow and it hurts because i dont have an earthly father. but i continue. i am ambivalent about remembering my trauma, its a love hate relationship. even now.
@Tenacity37
These celebration days can feel really hard can't they, when we don't feel we're part of that celebration. In fact they can just become painful reminders of what we don't have, perhaps never had. However, other people may well have a father they love and want to honour and spend time with.
Can you see it as a time for them? Like if someone in your life achieves something special - it may create a pang, a feeling of 'if only that could happen to me'. But it doesn't stop you feeling happy for them and wanting to share their joy. Likewise with Father's Day. It's a time for some people to celebrate what they have, so good for them, may they enjoy it.
But I do hear you, it's not easy. Sending you love, wishing you strength ❤️
@Tenacity37 💖
I am posting because it's 3:45am, and I can't sleep. I've been doing poorly only these past several days, and not even the whole time. Because of who I am staying with. He is a friend, but acting like he doesn't want me here... the stress energy I feel is palpable. I also am having a hard time sleeping in general because of his loud snoring. I was only here a month, so I decided to put up with it.
But then today..... the person I was going to stay with when I move, who had been an emotional support to me too, said a couple of things that have me wanting to pull out of the entire relationship with him totally.... I'm struggling especially because I'm running on too little sleep, things are stressful.....
@singercrystalspirit
You sound like you're questioning whether these people want you with them, and in turn that can often lead to overthinking on everything else. Whilst there are times when we genuinely overstay our welcome, or upset people in some way, in my experience it's more common for us to wonder if we've done either of those things, rather than actually do it.
It's that voice in your head isn't it - 'I wonder if I'm in the way, my host seemed a bit quiet today, I bet he doesn't want me here'. But do you see how that's quite a leap? Someone being a bit quiet does not equal you being unwanted. However, I wonder if there are ways you could ingratiate yourself a little more? Maybe rustle up a meal, or clean the bathroom? Little acts that can show your gratitude and help your host out in some way.
You say you're not sleeping well, and that can further lead to us latching onto the odd comment and turning it into something it's not. Or someone may say something pretty innocent, and in your tired mind you view it as a personal sleight.
Do you feel able to simply ask? 'I really appreciate you having me to stay. Are you sure you're still okay with it?'
Then rather than overthinking and fretting you'll know where you stand, or sleep! Be prepared though, there's always a small chance it may lead to you having to find a new bed for the night.
@DeborahUK
Thank you. I didn't want to ask because I don't have anywhere else to stay. So I was letting it stew inside me because I was afraid of what would happen.
@singercrystalspirit hugs. I hope it gets resolved. Really hard to think straight on no sleep x
@inventiveOrange1
Thank you :) Hugs. You know.
Counting on sleeping tonight. Took Benadryl. Waiting for it to kick in.
Taking today very slowly. Extra compassion and care for myself still a must while I press on after a difficult week. ⛺
@melliotm
Have a hug from Buddy ❤️
@BeeLeigh 😊😁 aww buddy!! Hugs back, bear 🐻.
@melliotm
Buddy gives great hugs ❤️
@BeeLeigh they are appreciated, especially today. 🙃😬
@melliotm big hugs. You are doing great considering hun. Be kind to you.
@inventiveOrange1 Big hugs back Orange -- you be kind to you too ❤️
@melliotm thanks for this post... u have reminded me of the importance of self care and compassion. Hard to do at times.. but being connected here helps cause we all have little nuggets for each other. Thank you
Having so many feelings today and I just dont know what to do.. :(
I miss someone too :(
ugghh why i have to be like that? its so frustrating
@sensitiveShade5337
Try to identify the emotions you're feeling. Sometimes even just breaking it down is helpful in making it less overwhelming. Maybe watch something on Netflix as a distraction. Like Friends or 30 Rock or something.
@BeeLeigh
I dont have netflix but I will go out with my best friend in a bit!
I have let my emotions in a corner and I hope they will not disturb me while Im enjoying being with my best friend :/
@sensitiveShade5337
When I'm with other people, and I don't want them to see me struggling, I use breathing. It's so subtle people don't notice. So if I start to get that feeling in my chest that tells me I'm about to panic if I don't stop it, and then my stomach starts to go, I breathe in through my nose real slow, hold it for a few seconds, and then breathe out through my mouth real slow. Doing that a few times is usually enough to slow my heartbeat to the point that whatever feeling has got me there has faded.
@BeeLeigh
When Im with other people I usually pretend everything is great like nothing never happened.. sometimes when you keep stuff for a long time theres gonna be a time you will explode in the wrong time to the wrong person.. well thats me
@sensitiveShade5337
Keep talking on here. Let everything out. We're not here to judge you, we're here to support you. But you should also be trying different grounding techniques and seeing if you can find one that works well for you. And pay attention to yourself. Listen to your body. I learned that the first thing that happens for me when I'm about to explode or have a panic or anxiety attack is my heart rate will shoot up. So now I know that as soon as that happens, I have a very short window of time before my stomach goes and once that goes I have an even shorter window of time until I won't be able to control myself at all. So, I breathe. I focus really hard on literally anything in the room, and I breathe. Because if I can slow my heart down, I can stop the explosion or attack from happening. Of course, there's times when I'm triggered and the trigger stays, and then I have little to no control from the beginning, but I am getting better at it! So can you! It's hard work, but it's worth it! 😊
The drunken neighborhood guys got my brother plastered and today claimed he broke the TV. None of it happened the TV was working when I told him go home. The drunken idiots got in my face. My anxiety is through the roof, than I told what I knew I got threaten to be kicked for speaking my mind and doing the right thing. I'm sick of drama getting pushed toward our family. We strive to mind our business.
@Rebekahwriter13
That all sounds a pretty horrible situation. Like everyone covers for everyone else, and you get victimised for telling the truth. But hey, your conscience is clear right? It can be hard to be that person standing alone for what's right, but your integrity is intact. Maybe you could take some reassurance from that?
Hello all.. not been here for ages (think i had a different account back then)
I really need to commit to getting on with my life and today has been both good cause i made some good decisions to keep the one i love.. some bad decisions were made too. Like i cant allow myself to make the progress?
I know i should try and be kind to myself through the shame but its a struggle, and when im unkind ... well there is more shame piling on.
I got a letter through today to go for 8 weeks of cbt group therapy. But kinda feel im already sabotaging that with some bad choices.
I hope we can all find a way to be happy with time.
Much love
I pretty much stayed in bed all day on my phone/Netflix, and did a little homework. Even though I still have a lot of homework to do, I'm not worried about it. I'll get it all done. I'm doing really well lately, and I just hope it stays this way 🤞🏻
How are you @DeborahUK? Don't discount your contributions by saying you're just a simple soul. You're a beautiful soul who's always got the nicest things to say. You add in questions to make us think, and it's usually about ways we can be nicer to ourselves. Your contributions are just as needed as everyone you mentioned ❤️
@BeeLeigh happy for you. It sounds like you have a good positive outlook for your future right now. Getting that homework done.. knowing when to rest and watch netflix.. really glad you feel you are doing well right now
Keep going hunni ❤
Thank you, @yellowStrings2432 ☺️
I feel I've been a bit absent from this thread today, so apologies for that. But it's just lovely to see how people are there for one another, that no post goes unanswered, and that the care and support for one another is palpable. And I feel that too. Thanks to you for your kind and encouraging words to me - they really are touching.
Hey, we may have been a bit battered and bruised by life, but what beautiful people remain. If you ever doubt yourself, your worth, your beauty, read your messages of support to one another on this forum, and then try and tell me you have no worth. By the way, expect an argument!
@DeborahUK
and "@everyone"
love and miss my peeps!!
I feel like I don't even know what's going on. If you're sad, I pray that you be lifted. And if you're glad, I'm glad.
i saw an infomercial on "mercyships" and was moved to donate but the number I called isn't answered today. But the moral is: we don't have it as bad as we think. Rejoice and give something beautiful to the world. Thinking of you all.
@DeborahUK great post Deb and i agree with everyone on here definitely not juet a simple soul. Very insightful.
Im hoping by going away to find some peace. Its been a hard week trying to reconcile doing this as will be missing uncles funeral snd really feel bad for mum. Even though she has said she wanted us to go as she knows how hard the next few days are going to be for us too. Splitting apart with the thoughts, im bringing yet more pain to them by leaving but had to.
Had a mixed day as hubby hates flying and staying in hotels, even though this one is pretty fancy. He has had a restless night and i dont tend to sleep much now anyway. Highlight so far was walking on the beach where he proposed ten years ago. Im hoping we can do more stuff like that. At least will stop me thinking the cliffs near us are a good idea.
I cant stay online to answer posts but thinking of you all. Much love.