Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Check-In Sunday January 14th 2018

I'm doing better this weekend, I think. It was a difficult week but I'm just trying to keep going and let myself feel what I'm feeling. I'm making little efforts to try new things and it does help. Hope you all are doing ok

Oh my, Im not sure how to answer your question there Raven!! I can be pretty childish at times lol. The last time I wore a really long dress (some day last week, I dont remember) I spun around in it because it made me happy. But like, I also have a playlist I love on my phone that includes songs from some Disney movies lol. And every time Ive visited a castle/palace. The first time my brother was like omg, yes, its a castle, calm down! Hahaha. We dont have those here, its cool to me 🤷🏼‍♀️😜 When we climbed to the top of the Frauenkirche in Dresden, DE, and then to the top of the Köln Cathedral. Not gonna pretend I didnt complain the whole way up the one in Köln though. I was SO over steep spiral staircases by that point!! 😂 Looking out over Paris from the Eiffel Tower was pretty awesome too. Making our own whiskey at the Jameson Distillery in Dublin. Visiting concentration camps that my family survived, that Ive read and seen so much about and it was like omg Im actually here...omg... Theres this super cool museum in Zürich that we spent a whole day in without even realizing it had been that long! While Im on museums, theres also a super cool one in Dublin and a super cool one in Dresden. Every time I manage to accomplish anything I get really excited. So, also, when I cleaned my bathroom floor, and every time Ive gone in there since and looked at it. The bar is set pretty low for what makes me happy 😜😂

@Raveninthelabrynth

Thanks for the encouraging words, Raven. I feel a positive outlook could do me good. Last night after i tried to sleep again I felt the muse tickle my ear and strum my heart for a rhythm or two. So i guess you could say its something fun to do cuz i like poetry. I wrote this poem. it was inspired by my hair lol. but its more than that, and i guess not super dooper happy.

Auburn

By Chivalrous Nymph

Unique to the touch;

is the strength of lush,

gentle shades all unfurled.

The phrases one will speak

holds true to the feat

of the nature of their world

for after the wind dies

they see through our tears

that within our ribs, fires rise

despite our fears,

holding up our crinkly dry skies

and scorched tendrils lick our ears

sedated from beseeching our havens

denied, but crimson bonded and tethered

inside we are burning out the contagions

to collect this sacred heart all weathered

for if the tide thats churning

of my mind ever turning

could ignite this damn place.

Then I'd seek your comforting embrace

Because then, like my hair,

we may just all burn

Hello all,

I have finally found a functional medicine doctor.

I do not know how I am going to afford it, or how any of all of this is going to work out, but I am having faith. And hope.

I need a lot of money, and I need (in a few months) a job in Raleigh.

Heya everyone!

It's just another frustrating day ... having woken up late with a feeling of hopelessness and pressure clouds looming over my head as assignment deadlines are near.

I just don't understand why is it so hard to bounce back past regrets and have a positive change :(

@Raveninthelabrynth I like being childish too. It's nice and freeing. I do a lot of work on social media, so it's fun because I made a lot of music videos on Instagram. I mess around and get to be playful and silly on there. It's a really good stratagey to feeling better.

I've been really confused lately. My honey told me yesterday that he thinks my new habits are gross. He said I've been leaving the bathroom door open...but I don't do that! In the shower this morning, I noticed two bruises on my leg, and they are pretty recent. I'm starting to wonder if I'm sleeping walking, you guys. I already deal with really terrible, terrible dreams, and my honey says I have been talking in my sleep a lot more this past year.

I dunno. I just try to be happy and chill when I'm awake. That's the best I can do.

@Raveninthelabrynth

to LONG to read it...

Idk I just hate how much impolsive and overemotional I am

On one hand want to be independet but than feel alone and unhappy

I TOO MUCH feel burned out some of times

I miss mom lately a lot.Painfully a lot.And I'm feeling very low overall, don't want to pull myself together and pretend that all is ok, that I want to take care of myself, live like nothing has happened and so.I'm tired.Very tired.Sometimes I just don't get why it all had to happen and how I lost so much.I feel bad and sometimes I just need to allow myself to wallov in it all so I do.I also don't want any support because it just isn't helping in moments like this.Mourning the life lost finally, removed denial.Must hold on.

I had a PTSD episode for the past several hours.

It was awful. I was really convinced it was real. I snapped out of it, thank goodness. I am shaken. It was a very dark place that I went to.

I do not have a diagnosis of PTSD, but the doctor did tell me I had PTSD-like episodes.

It was particularly scary because I have gotten better about being able to identify them, so worries are spinning through my head such as "Am I doing something wrong? Do I have serious depression?" Whereas the calmer part of my brain is reassuring myself that "backtracking" is a normal part of any learning process with any new skill. (Feels like backtracking). My sister was really sweet. She said "Maybe not so much backtracking as you just missed this one-- but you're capable of identifying it!"

Can I have some support and some hugs please?

Hey everyone i have been doing much better recently, i reached out to some people and i feel lighthearted. I'm smilling and laughing more. However, i noticed that whenever i woke up at around 7AM, I would get panic attack/feeling of anxiety.Again, this is improving each day as it doesnt last as long as previous days. Before sleeping i would be fine, peaceful but waking up its like an automatic reaction. I have learned to expect it as a "morning routine". What is this reaction and how do i manage it? is this normal?