Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Check In - Wednesday October 18th 2017
I've just watched the movie, 'The theory of everything', which is about Dr Stephen Hawking, his diagnosis of motor neurone disease, and his subsequent writing of the book 'a brief history of time'. Ten million copies sold apparently, so it seems there are lots of super intelligent people out there. I don't think I'd get past the first chapter! Space, the universe, and black holes don't particularly pique my interest. But Dr Hawkings does. Here's a guy who had huge potential and was then struck down in his prime by such a debilitating disease, which robbed him of his ability to move and to talk. But he's found ways to be heard, and is inspirational in how he's lived his life and influenced so much in the world of science and astronomy.
Obviously we weren't all made to be physicists, but we all have the ability to fight back against the odds, stay curious and positive, and live our lives to our full potential. But sometimes we lack that belief, other times we lack the desire. Trauma and PTSD can have such a profound effect on our sense of who we are and what we're capable of.
Dr Stephen Hawking says never, ever give up - and I'd like to invite you all to think of those words today. What could you achieve if you didn't give up, if you pushed yourself beyond what you believe your limitations are, if you surprised yourself with your confidence and determination? What support do you need to muster that belief, and to fulfil your potential? Or if that's all too much, (and I know I sometimes bang on), why not just drop by to say hello? You'll be made very welcome :)
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(@caterpillargirl fixed -- danke, @Hoxenos!)
Ah thanks @melliotm
Seems I needed you as my wingman today since Kite's away awhile. Thanks for being there :)
@DeborahUK Happy to help 😊
@DeborahUK
I'm breathing and settling after some mild uncertainty that got me anxious and scared, but i'm going to be ok, i'm going to be ok.
@Tenacity37
Tenacity, you are going to be okay.
You are safe, you are amongst your trauma family.
We're here if you need to talk more x
I believe I saw somewhere that even though Hawking was struck by this physical calamity, he continued to drag his body one step at a time up the stairs unassisted in his home as long as his body still allowed him. Just kinda says it all, that kind of strength and determination.
Theres a line to a Train song - and Altho the song as a whole is not my favorite, I love this line: I wont give up if you dont give up.
I wont give up so you dont give up. 💛
@themainjane
We can certainly help to push one another along Jane. Then there are other times when we have to do something for ourselves. I'm not sure your musical tastes are as mainstream as Demi Lovato, but she puts it better than I ever could:
Not feeling well. Wish I had someone to talk to.
To make me do what I have to do.
Not sure how Im gonna make it thru this bear hunt.
But I have few choices unless I decide to completely avoid and dissapoint others. I need a Listener- not just any Listener. Like someone Ive talked to before or that can handle b*tsh*t crazy. But that hasnt happened right now. Not sure I can face this. Avoidance is sounding better and better. I dont know...
Have to decide. I need help.
@themainjane
I'm not a listener on here.. but I would keep trying until you find someone you can talk to. Here or in 'real life'. If you need someone to talk to, go get someone and keep trying until you have them. When my crisis happened a few months ago I didn't have any friends. It took a while but now I have found places like this to go to talk at any time I need to and also two real friends who I can hang out with once or twice a week which is really awesome. It can get better. But people need people. You can't really avoid that if you know you need it. Just trust it will happen and don't give up :)
@themainjane
To make you do what you have to do Jane? What is it you have to do?
I read that in high school.. it is actually pretty simple to read if you are interested in physics at all. Everything is okay if you are interested. I was going to be an engineer .. and I was too ill to finish my university course, but I didn't understand why until about half my life later, now, when I finally know about CPTSD. If I had know those things then, maybe I would have had help and a career by now. Instead I am nearly 40 and can't work.
But good news! Today I heard I can have an appointment to see if I can get the therapy I need to get better. If that can happen then anything is possible in the future. I was thinking yesterday I would like to be a pilot. So I have to wait until next month for the appointment, but I am going to start dreaming again. Today I am feeling positive :)
@Kuma0187
You read 'a brief history of time'? Wow, you're the first of those ten million people I've ever met!
Fab news for you today then, and it's great to hear you're looking forward to what it may change for you in the future. It's so good to keep that dream alive. I have a friend who's a helicopter pilot. He always wanted to do it, and just went through his teens believing he would be a helicopter pilot. And sure enough, he happened to meet a guy with a helicopter, got some free flying practice in, and dream fulfilled! None of us will ever know what we're capable of unless we give it a go.
I think in my situation I expected myself to be able to do more than I could. Disabilities began to surface but I still looked at the world around me and expected to be able to do everything anyone else could do. Many walls I ran into. Many frustrations. Many heartbreaks. I got tired of the failures and eventually gave in to my disabilities...but in a destructive way. I just quit trying.
Things are getting better now and reading this post makes me want to share what got me back up. I realized one day what I had done to myself. In my high expectations I refused to accept the fact that there were things I could no longer do in the same way I used to do them. My disabilities were true disabilities and for me to do things I needed things adjusted to fit within my own abilities. Just like a person in a wheelchair needs a ramp instead of stairs, I needed to look for ways to change things here and there to enable me to be able to accomplish what I was trying to do.
In learning that I began to look at things differently. I began to look for options that would enable me to be able to succeed at things rather than just accepting failure. I was surprised at how many innovative ideas I could find. I have begun to live this way...and at the end of the day I don't feel like I have failed. I feel like I am making progress and overcoming the obstacles little by little. It feels great compared to where I was.
Yes, I have limitations on things that I can do, and some of those will always be there...but understanding my disabilities, accepting them, and learning how to make some changes to work with and around them allows me to see that my potential is limitless.
@TeenyTinyAppy
I'm with @wizeakre , that is such a positive post. There's a lot to be said for acceptance isn't there? Whether that's an acceptance of a physical disability in your case, or of something that's happened in life that's hampered us in some way with the profound effect it's had, such as that caused by trauma. Until we accept where we're at, our situation, I imagine it to be incredibly hard to move forward. How can you move forward when you don't know where you are? As you say Teeny, acceptance and adjustment has enabled you to see your potential is limitless. I think there's a message in there for all of us. Thanks so much for sharing x
@DeborahUK
I wanted to share with you something so that you see my situation better. My diagnosis is DID with bipolar symptoms. They are not sure if it is bipolar yet or if the symptoms are DID related. No matter the actual diagnosis I have had bipolar symptoms since adolescence.
The acceptance of my disabilities, in some areas, are such normal daily activities. I found that I had a problem just being able to brush my teeth twice a day, taking a shower, eating healthy foods, so on and so forth. Since I had never had treatment and didn't know there was a way to work through this, I just gave up and did things when I could. No matter how much I wanted to or how hard I tried, I couldn't do these things on a regular basis.
Now, instead of relying only on myself for these things, I have a friend that I have to report to everyday so she can make sure these needs are all met. If I haven't done them she will come to my apartment and make sure they get done. Let me tell you it was hard to accept that I couldn't do such little things for myself without help. It was hard to ask for help for various internal reasons. What I saw though amazed me. Once I asked for help and got started with doing the check ins...I didn't need her to come make me do anything. I could do them on my own. I still report to her everyday but everyday so far has been good report.
Another area I have had to adapt to fit me was my desire to go to school to be a therapist. I wanted to do this because where I live there weren't therapists that specialize in trauma. I started school to get my GED so I could go to college someday. Since I hadn't had therapy myself, my own disability kept me from being able to succeed in class. I found that, due to switching constantly, I couldn't retain the new things I would learn. That was heartbreaking to me because I really wanted to help people in this area.
Now, instead of trying to go college right now, I am working to begin a support group for people with various mental disabilities. Due to my own instability I won't be running this group full-time...I am just getting it off the ground. I can help host these groups on days that I am okay to...but I don't have to be there if I just can't. I will also be hosting social events and helping keep our area help lists updated so we can help people find the resources they need, like groceries, clothing, financial assistance, doctors, therapists and so on.
Is it the same as being a therapist? Not at all. It is genuinely needed though so I feel good about my efforts. Have I given up on going to college? Not yet. I believe that now that I am in a therapy program myself, it is possible that someday I will be able to. In the meantime, I don't feel like a failure...I feel like it is a positive step in the right direction.
I am not trying to go on about myself here...I just thought it might give a better idea of what I meant about how accepting and adapting has brought my happiness level up from a 0 (feeling like a total failure) to at least an 8 (I can do something and be successful at it)
I honestly hope it can help someone somehow. :)
I want someone I can connect even just as friends. However I keep getting guys into me but I'm not into them. I try yo give several chances, but they want one thing and it's not getting to know me.
I just want and need true friends.
@Rebekahwriter13, you can message me. I too am looking for friends.
@christine1980 I appreciate it.
@Rebekahwriter13
It's hard to get to know other members so well on this site, as there's no direct messaging between members, but there's always the chat rooms if you can keep up with the pace of them. Are there many opportunities to meet other people where you live Rebekah? I live in a pretty sleepy old town, but we get a directory sent out every year of clubs and meetings that are held locally, and there are a huge amount!
Or how about, if there aren't any in your area, setting your own up? Like a book group? Even if it's just an online exchange to start off with, or meeting in local cafes. All groups need someone to set them up initially, so why not you?
@DeborahUK I don't drive so it's hard to get out and meet people.
I am here, just recovering from a broken down vehicle incident this morning and then dealing with an intake appointment today to be able to attend group therapy at a local counseling center. Kinda of hard hashing up the all the trauma summaries, dealing with the reactions, and walking away all in under an hour, left me feeling anxious and overstimulated. I'm just taking the rest of the evening to try to be gentle to myself and unwind.
@christine1980
be kind to yourself. 💛
@christine1980
Ugh, that sounds Iike a pretty stressful day, but well done on going through with the therapy session. Hopefully future sessions may be a little less overwhelming now that initial contact has been made. I hope the unwinding is working well :)
@christine1980 that
Just stopping by to say hello.
I have been in the psy ward for a few days dealing with SH and DID and trauma stuff.
They did not help at all....but man, I am so glad to be back home - lol.
BUT - the good news is - i called the crisis trauma hotline every dang day I was there ( the only way I could talk about it or get some help) - and I was pushed up the waiting list foir couseling ( been waiting for 5 months already)....and should be getting an aoppointment this or next week <3
I will find out tomorrow when I get the cal back :)
So, yeah - sorry about disaperaing for a lil bit - had not forgotten about this awesome communit y- was just away TYRYING ( fruitlessly) to get help. But things seem to be on the up side now. And I am so happy to be back home and back on cups <3
@blissedNblessed
Welcome back :)
You sound like youve had a pretty tough few days there. But great to hear how, through your own determination, youve managed to fast track a way to get the support you need - fingers crossed!
@DeborahUK
Thanks. I hopefully find out today about when counseling starts.
But either way and no matter what happens - I shall not give up.
I do have a newfound inner strenghth :)
It's the end of the day and my reflection on it is that I had a very busy day. I didn't have too much of my trauma come up today, which was great. I was mainly distracted by work and other things. I had a bit of a breakdown midday, but was otherwise very happy. I also found myself hesitant and a little nervous in a similar (but safe) situation compared to my traumatic one, but the anxieties were conqured well with the help of a supportive person.
Healing is a weird process, and I'm thankful for the good day.
@amicableNorth4690
Healings certainly not linear is it? But you can even out the squiggly line by having ways of coping in place, and its good that you have a person to offer you support. But of course its you doing the hard work. They may be someone to lean on during difficult times, but ultimately it was you who managed your anxiety, so kudos for that :)
