Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Check-in Friday 20th October 2017
Hello everyone! I'm back sorry for my absence I've been so ill recently it's been hell I'm very sorry for missing a few posts xx. Today I thought i would cover a subject which personally affects me and I have massive struggles with I'm going to cover on how to deal with flashbacks.
What is a flashback?
A flashback is when memories of a past trauma feel as if they are taking place in the current moment. That means its possible to feel like the experience of sexual violence is happening all over again. During a flashback it can be difficult to connect with reality. It may even feel like the perpetrator is physically present.
Flashbacks may seem random at first. They can be triggered by fairly ordinary experiences connected with the senses, like the smell of someones odor or a particular tone of voice. Its a normal response to this kind of trauma, and there are steps you can take to help manage the stress of a flashback.
What helps during a flashback?
If you realize that you are in the middle of a flashback, consider the following tips:
Tell yourself that you are having a flashback. Remind yourself that the actual event is over and that you survived.
Breathe. Take slow, deep breaths by placing your hand on your stomach and taking deep breaths. You should see your hand move out with the inhalations, and watch it fall in with the exhalations. When we panic, our body begins to take short, shallow breaths, and the decrease in oxygen can make you feel more panicked. Deep breathing is important because it increases the oxygen in your system and helps you move out of anxious state faster.
Return to the present by using the five senses.
Look around you. Make a list of the items in the room; count the colors or pieces of furniture around you. What do you see?
Breathe in a comforting scent, or focus on the smells around you. What do you smell?
Listen to the noises around you, or turn on music. What do you hear?
Eat or drink something you enjoy. Focus on the flavor. What do you taste?
Hold something cold, like a piece of ice, or hot, like a mug of tea. What does it feel like?
Recognize what would make you feel safer. Wrap yourself in a blanket, or go into a room by yourself and close the door. Do whatever it takes for you to feel secure.
How do I prevent flashbacks?
You may be able to take steps to prevent future flashbacks by identifying warning signs and triggers:
Be aware of the warning signs.
Flashbacks sometimes feel as though they come out of nowhere, but there are often early physical or emotional warning signs. These signs could include a change in mood, feeling pressure in your chest, or suddenly sweating. Becoming aware of the early signs of flashbacks may help you manage or prevent them.
Identify what experiences trigger your flashbacks.
Flashbacks can be triggered by a sensory feeling, an emotional memory, a reminder of the event, or even an unrelated stressful experience. Identify the experiences that trigger your flashbacks. If possible, make a plan on how to avoid these triggers or how to cope if you encounter the trigger.
I really hope this helped some way or another. Once again sorry for missing the last few weeks I'll try not to make it happen again I always try to be as active on here as I can. I love you all and I hope you all enjoy your weekend, Love you all xxxx *major hugs to everyone*
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@Softwhispers
Thanks for this post ( and welcome back and glad you are feeling better!).
This really helped me bc I am getting a lot of flashbacks and had NO idea that I could actually do things to prevent them!
<3
@blissedNblessed I'm really glad it's helpful to you hun xx
@Softwhispers thank you. Dont feel bad for needing time away. You are appreciated here.
I understand more about flashbacks now but is hard as my workplace is the hospital where had most recent trauma and loss. Am triggerred every day by nature of the environment and work. I cant get away and know its making things worse. Therapist is trying to help and have just started a trauma time line before doing emdr.
It is complicated by past issues and sh and borderline symptoms getting worse. When able to talk like today, i can see the escalation and danger from things ive made myself accessible to. Trying to keep safe is the only thing can do right now.
Flashbacks happen daily and lurking online to distract helps. Grounding doesnt help
Giving everything another week.
Hugs all who need them.
@inventiveOrange1 I'm sorry that the place you work is a trigger. Have you tried speaking to your boss telling him about this? hugs xx
@Softwhispers thanks. Hope you are better.
I cant say anything to them. Its complicated. They dont know my past history or anything and cant deal with the stigma after a bad experience at last hospital I worked at.
They at least have ao far not pushed me to cover wards which would be hard but with staff leaving, i can see pressure building.
Therapist is understanding of this but doesnt know how bad the thoughts are. Stuck wanting to tell her and not wanting to lose my licence to practice.
Hugs all.
@inventiveOrange1 Hugs Orange ❤️❤️⛺
This post very helpful , Thank you
@blindComfort81 I'm glad it helps
Theres been some big changes at work. Ive been taken off of bereavement, which was my favorite part of work. Ive also been moved (starting Monday) from a desk in the back where I am almost always by myself and I can listen to my music and actually function well enough to do my work most of the time...to the front desk. I dont do well there. I havent at other jobs and Im not hopeful about magically doing well there at this one. I am a background person. That is where I am able to function. Forcing me into the foreground never ends well because I am literally incapable of functioning. Im worried this will cause me to get worse, when Ive been doing so well lately. And Ive already been struggling a bit because Ive actually legitimately been doing trauma therapy instead of just constantly avoiding answering her questions. Ive been pushing myself in therapy because Ive been doing well and I felt like I was capable of pushing myself and not falling apart right away. But now with this added stress from work I dont know if I can do it. But work wont get any better if I dont. So now I feel like Im stuck where Im damned if I do and damned if I dont. It is also apparently obvious to everyone at work that Im wounded and because of that sometimes [I] bite. Which is very disheartening because I thought I was better at hiding it than that implies.
@BeeLeigh
omg! BeeLeigh!!
forgive me, I
@themainjane
Aw thanks Jane ❤️
I know I tell everyone else not to isolate, so I wanna be clear that I have not been isolating. I
@BeeLeigh
☺️ glad to see you doing you.
We were binging ‘Shameless
@BeeLeigh Hey Bee great to see you're still around ❤️⛺ Am sorry that work is placing you in an uncomfortable position (literally and figuratively). 😬
@BeeLeigh
finally settled down enough to read your post. I
Welcome back!
Thank you for your post. It was very helpful.
When they were more frequent and far more reactive, it helped me to work on traumatic experiences with a therapist as well, Trees. I felt safe and wasnt alone to process things.
It also helped me as I continued to find different coping skills that made things a little easier. Working with them over time really did give me hope.
Since they are difficult to predict, I still experience them. Some days or weeks are more challenging than others. I have noticed that even during those times the impact does not last as long as it used to.
It has been a difficult couple of days so I am hopeful that I will bounce back as I am using my emergency, magical coping kit this time. A little dose of everything to help me process from a distance. Far, far away with a lot of breaks.
I hope everyone has a good, safe weekend.
@Compassionatelistener108 Therapy is definitely always a really useful tool. I'd love to hear about the other items in this magical toolbox of yours :) Mine includes relaxation exercises, distraction activities (If it's bad), and grounding exercises (If it's not as bad). I personally really like the "safe space" exercise because I've always found myself to react best to visualization exercises. My safe place is the local library near where I grew up. I spent as much time as possible there because books were my distraction and I often read an entire book every day. I remember the way the sun would beat in making it so warm, stuffy, and cozy. The awkward couches that I'd often fall asleep in somehow. And of course... the books. I know the layout like the back of my hand and I can still imagine the smell :) When I was a teenager I'd often need to go to tha bathroom as soon as I walked in there because, well, it was the only place that my body really fully relaxed.
Another visualization exercise I like is called "containment". I love both leading it or doing it to myself. Basically you imagine a container. The container can be aaaaaaaaaaanything. My container has always been a mason jar for some reason. But other people have used a jewelry box, a garbage bun, tupperware. Pretty much anything with a lid. You take a few minutes to go from head to toe collecting all your negative feelings. All your sadness, anger, frustration, any aches and pains in your body. You take as long as it need to put it all in your container. I always visualize taking literal gunk out from inside my body... kind of like the seeds of a pumpkin I guess. It takes me the longest to gather the fuzzy feeling from my brain and the heavy feeling around my heart (which is generally how I feel sadness and fear). And after I'm done and it's all in my jar, I close it up nice and tight, and I put it in the storage area of my basement from growing up. You want to put it somewhere safe in your mind where you can go get it again if you need to.
Anyway these are my exercises, I'd love to hear yours to grow my toolbox.
Hadnt had a flashback in so long I dont even know what its like. Or maybe I never knew. I used to ‘flashback or disassociate during traumatic events. Seems it took that kind of impact to get me there after awhile.
I dont miss them. I know I dont have ptsd anymore. Sure, I startle sometimes. Just a residual. But a far cry from a flashback.
Dont even think I have cptsd (which was one of my more recent ‘diagnoses)
Dont think I care anymore. Im reactive and I just do what I do.
@themainjane I think I'm in a similar boat as you. I don't know the last time I had a "true" flashback. Probably the closest I've gotten is starting to dissociate on a bad night, or sometimes in sexual situations, feelings that don't coordinate with what is actually happening in reality sometimes come up out of nowhere. For me the easiest way to ground when that is happening is just feeling my surrroundings. Tactile grounding helps me by far the most in those situations.
I'm really glad that you don't get them anymore and that you're healing :)
I'm trying not to look back.
I'm trying to figure how a guy I've never seen in real life said "I love you."
@Rebekahwriter13
I feel in love in a Skype call before I met him in real life. I moved to another country for that guy and I still love him. (Our relationship is difficult because we are both ill, so we live apart right now. But we are hoping to get back together in the near future and we see a lot of each other.) The love is real so it is possble. The danger is someone falling in love with an idea of you instead of who you really are. But if you talk a lot and really know each other I think it can be totally real :)
Also one of my best friends I have never met, but we try to talk on Skype at least once a week and I really miss her if we don't. So relationships online can mean a lot.
@Kuma0187 my problem is when I try to talk to him,,it's like he doesn't understand me. We are intellectual on two very different levels. It's hard to find common ground.
@Rebekahwriter13
That does sound complicated. If you don't think he understands you then I is strange if I says he loves you. If you don't mind me asking, do you have feelings for him?
@Kuma0187 I didn't know him well enough. It doesn't matter he stood me up today
After a long week at work, now begins the worst part of my week... the weekend. While most people look forward to the weekend I do NOT. Maybe if like most other's I only worked during the week this would be easier. There was a time when I loved and looked forward to going to work. Now I am just plain exhausted from the thought of it. There are only two things that send me back there each weekend. That is the fact people need the skills I have been blessed with and two that I can really use the money. School won't pay for itself.
Here it goes, maybe if I keep repeating that I can do this then I will make it through another weekend.
@EMSFireChic1985 ever try to reward system. . . Like you get your favorite meal or coffee or favorite movie for getting through a harsh weekend.
@Rebekahwriter13 well I could except by the time I make it through the weekend it is time to go back to work at my m-f day job. I am usually so exhausted that the only thing I end up doing is making it home to bed. We work long hours generally. Last night wasn't so bad because I took today off for a friend's babyshower but generally I work 16 to 24 hour shifts.
@EMSFireChic1985
It could be taking a bath, favorite meal (your not cooking), making a list on day just for you. . .
@EMSFireChic1985 You can do this and we believe in you too!! We'll be here if you need to unload after as well :)
When was the last time you had a weekend off? Perhaps it may be time to ask for one, once in a while if it's stressing you out this much.
@Hoxenos I can ask for them, that doesn't mean I will get it. They kind of pick and choose whether they will give me time off or not based on how busy they are. And they have been short staffed for a very long time. I was off two days labor day weekend because I got Sunday and Monday off. My weekend job didn't realize that it was a federal holiday for me or they would have put me on. Sometimes I can sneak in days like that if they aren't paying attention. I will be ok, I always make it. Just tired and don't really enjoy my weekend job anymore. That is really what it boils down too.
Im not ok. Its not okay. If I had any sense I ‘d leave or blow my fucking brains out.
@themainjane
Has something happened?
This morning my anxiety levels and low mood are really very high. Not as bad as they can be, but some of the worst I have had. It reminds me of being in the hospital it is so bad.. I have no one to see this weekend, one person I can chat to on Skype. But nothing happening in my life here. That is probably contributing, but I also cannot stop thinking about Xmas and how I am not going to make it through those days. It has been a while since I have had a mood swing drop me this low and it scares me. I am trying acceptance. But I would rather have people in my life. I never ever wanted to live alone and I never will. I miss living with people. Especially him. But right now I don't care who might be sleeping in my spare room, I just wish there was someone there.
And I am in Holland and no one in the US is awake to post a Saturday check in so I am sticking this in the Friday update even though yesterday was a pretty good day for me. I did break down crying to a friend on Skype but otherwise yesterday was a success.
Flashbacks destroyed my relationship. They are horrible.
@Kuma0187 i feel u! Flash backs are ruining my life and relationship. I have a partner and kids but still feel so very lonely anxiety and depression are lonely illnesses no1 understands unless they have been thru it and finding survivers is hard to come by people who have come out the other side and can manage life and every day living!!
I wish i could help as lonely as u feel everyone on here has got something going on too but we are all here for u.
Sending massive hugs xx
@undefinedandundetermined01
Thanks, there can never be too many hugs! :)
Today got better, and then worse again, and then better again. Now I should really be trying to sleep but I am finding it hard to unwind so I just popped online again for a few minutes.
@Kuma0187 im glad it got a little better altho it got nad1 again its them few moments where its not so bad that we have to hold on too!
U must be something right please remember that when times are bad! I have found writing in a diary/journal seems to be helping my anxiety is still ctazy and the flash backs knock me on my butt but if i write them down i seem to be able to manage a little better.
Hope today is a good day for u and that u managed some sleep x
@undefinedandundetermined01
Thanks :)
