Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Checkin - Monday 21st August 2017
Good Morning Everyone!!!! 
Wherever you are in the world, I hope Monday brings you some peace, happiness, smiles and laughter Right now its the early hours of Monday morning in my part of the world, but in yours, it could be a sunny afternoon, a rainy morning or a misty evening. We have a great community here, even if we are all split across the globe, in different time zones, with different seasons.
As you know I love my quotes, so todays quote posted below is all about uniqueness and how we all bring something to the world that no one else can, because we are who we are, we are special, we are unique and very individual. So often Survivors of Trauma are full of self hatred for themselves, often caused by the very negative messages that they have learnt during their time of trauma and from those who perhaps did them wrong, did not protect them and set out to cause harm and hurts.
So my challenge today to each and every one of you, is to share what is unique about you? What special gifts or talents or even knowledge do you have, that makes you different to the person sitting next to you!!! Perhaps you have some useless facts stored away in your brain that you think no one else has, perhaps you have a party trick that only you can do, perhaps you have a hidden talent that you have yet to share with us!!! 
I dare say many of you will find this a huge challenge given you are so used to putting yourselves down, beating yourselves up, and not telling the inner critic to shut up for a wee bit!!!! So not only is my challenge for you to share what is unique about you but to also share what you inner critic says as soon as your asked to share something wonderful and unique about you, and once you have shared the negative thoughts and beliefs, to then take an opportunity to challenge it, even asking others here to help you do that if you need. The only way sometimes to retrain our brain, is to fill it will new positive beliefs to counteract the old. Healing from trauma often means we have to begin to challenge and replace the negative beliefs we have been made to hold about ourselves, so it would be good if each of us can take a small step towards that today
This space is yours to share whats happening in your world, to share the good the bad and the inbetween and to seek support from one another. Healing is tough and its always good to feel as if others are there for you, even if we are long distance supporters to one another.
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It's only 1:28am, but I got woken up by the really bad storm that's happening and then right after that my power surged soooo....Monday's not starting out great 🙈⛺️
@BeeLeigh I hope the storm may have passed for you now Bee. I hate storms though many people say they are beautiful but mother nature is a force to be reckoned with. I hope your monday improves for you and that the storm is just a little blip in the day
@dancingRainbow45
It finally passed around 2am. But being jolted awake full of anxiety isn't exactly a recipe for going back to sleep. It's nearly 4am now and I'm still awake, so it's not looking too good for today 😕
@dancingRainbow45 @TreesandWine
It's after 5am now. Today's gonna be a loooooooong day 🙃
@BeeLeigh Its sounding as if it may be, but then you have us for company to get your through that long day :)
@BeeLeigh ⛺❤️I feel you, Bee. That was so me a couple nights ago. We be here for you today as you welcome the working week with bleary eyes and frazzled nerves.
*hugs*
@melliotm @dancingRainbow45
@BeeLeigh 
How are you holding up?
@melliotm
Been at work for just over an hour and I'm on my second cup of coffee. I'm so fricken tired 😞
@BeeLeigh 
@melliotm
Yes!! I'm more like where she says she needs an IV lol. Also, State just got here to audit! Perfect fricken timing! 🙄😒🤦🏼♀️
@BeeLeigh 
'State audit' is not a phrase one needs to hear at work after zero sleep the night before. ❤️
@melliotm
Right???? Good LORD today's not going well!! 🤦🏼♀️ thanks for the IV drip 😜
@melliotm
My stomach hurts because I've had so much coffee and my leg decided today's a good day to start really hurting again and I need to eat but I'm behind on my Monday stuff because of the audit and I'm just already done 🤦🏼♀️⛺️
@BeeLeigh
@melliotm
Hahahahahaha and ohhhh hugs @BeeLeigh !! you will get through it!
@singercrystalspirit 😀😎
@singercrystalspirit
I did an assignment tonight, and wrote down what else is due in my planner, and there's at least 11 assignments due this weekend. One of my classes hasn't posted yet so idk if I have anything to do for that class. But after skimming through the class schedules that *are* posted....I'm already not looking forward to this semester 😞
@BeeLeigh
You can do it!!!! One bit at a time; one moment at a time
@singercrystalspirit
The only good thing is that, after this semester, I shouldn't need to take 6 classes anymore, only 5. Though, "only" is kinda pushing it as a descriptor, cuz 5 is a lot too 🙃
@BeeLeigh awww me likes....
I like all them cute lil bears haha
So heres one back from me, to you and anyone else who would like it :)
@dancingRainbow45
He's my favorite sticker in google hangouts :)
@dancingRainbow45
i just want to say hi is that bad?
@sensitiveShade5337 Hi Shade, nope just saying Hi is not bad at all, why would you like saying Hi would be bad? What positives do you think could come from someone being friendly and warm and saying Hi to people?
@dancingRainbow45
I don't know
it can maybe make someone's day
@sensitiveShade5337 It absolutely can indeed and it can make people feel good that someone has taken the time out of their day to say Hi back to them and it can make someone who feels really lonely and isolated feel someone cared enough to say Hi and those are just some of the good things, that saying Hi to someone can do
@dancingRainbow45
yay I always smile when people say Hi back to me :)
@sensitiveShade5337 Its a nice feeling isn't it, so perhaps you do the same for others when you say Hi too :)
@dancingRainbow45
maybe :)
@sensitiveShade5337 Hi Shade 🙂
@melliotm
Hi ☺️
@sensitiveShade5337
Hi Shade! Did you get some decent sleep?
@BeeLeigh
Hiii
Ah well I didnt sleep the whole night so I woke up at 9am and then slept at 10am and woke up at 2pm
But i feel a little bit better now
Good morning everyone,
It is nice to be able to join in again. I have missed the support and friends from afar. The past months have been healing in many ways. Forgiveness, compassion, maintaining consistent boundaries with my abuser reached a new level. It all sounds wonderful, right? The one thing that we were not counting on is the wave of emotions from the
opposite direction that deepened as well. The disparate perceptions between the reality of the abuse and the attempts to appear like a happy family or honestly a family seems more overwhelming. Knowledge is far different from working through the intricacies of the emotions in our experience. Things seem further complicated by differing perspectives and the inability to effectively communicate within. Perhaps it is not, it simply feels like it is at times. A bit like being adrift at sea among the waves. Granted the calm beneath the storm provides brief respite from the chaos. We are trying to find balance and some sense of stability during this process. How does a mind with so many perspectives and levels of healing learn to cope in a way that everyone who is present is able to benefit from without becoming overwhelmed from either a lack or inability to fully understand the kindness others are trying to offer. Even crucial points in my own therapy are lost by some. Does anyone else have ideas that may help care for those internal parts who are reaching out?
@Compassionatelistener108 Hey good morning to you compassioniate
Its nice to see you here again and please feel free to reach out for the support here, when you need. Healing is tough going sometimes and even though many steps can be taken, it doesn't necessarily mean that the process of having achieved the things you mentioned is an easy one nor one that is free from a whole wave of emotions that you may have experienced. Getting in touch with feelings, especially when you have been shut off from them or numb, is always quite an intense, sometimes painful process to go through, but reconnecting with feelings is part of the healing process, so try and be a little kinder to yourself during the times when things feel pretty rough.
What do you feel is preventing you from being able to communicate effectively within? Working with internal parts, perspectives can be difficult especially if those parts are at war with one another and hold many different perspectives. If you have parts within, part of learning to communicate and work with internal parts is about getting to know them, find out about them, and ask them what they need, what do they feel would make them feel safe, helping them to reframe their roles, identifying any concerns they have, what scares them, what keeps them holding onto some of the perspectives they may hold? What is the pay off, what is the disadvantages?. Some adapt quicker than others and a lot of healing can be done for Survivors with internal parts within the therapy process with a good therapist who can use techniques such as the conference table, or journalling. What level of communication would you say you have currently and would you say you fully embrace all of you, or would you say you struggle at times with this? Do you have a way that all parts can communicate, whether verbal or written or any other method? Are negative perspectives challenged or given new evidence to disprove their negative perceptions? Part of your job too when parts are reaching out, is to let them know you are there to help them. It can also help to get older parts to work with parts whose perspectives are perhaps affected by the past, and to gradually help them to become more aware of today, the present and the differences between then and now. Part of learning to communicate effectively is also about acceptance and willingness to hear, and that goes for all parts. If any part is being shunned or shut out, then that breaks down the effectiveness of the system. All parts need to feel heard and given a voice and helped to work alongside all of you.
I live up to my name every day of my life.
How I was tenacious today was that i had a doctor's appointment and requested to be tested for STI's today that i may have contracted during my abuse.
So yes i got my blood tests done and get a pap smear in 2 weeks.
@Tenacity37 Hi Tenacity. Being tenacious is such a good quality to have. And it can help to get you through many difficult situations, as it seems its doing with the medical things you mentioned in your post. Its good to see that your able to begin to take care of any health concerns you have, that is showing even if its at a sub conscious level, that you are beginning to value yourself and your health, to do the necessary steps to take care of yourself. That is such a good thing to be able to do following trauma and to value yourself enough to go through those difficult things, instead of running away as some may out of fear. Well done for looking after you
@Tenacity37
Yes well done
This time of the year is very triggering for me.I went emotionally numb and can't feel a thing today.I know it's not ok to not feel but it's very hard to be with all the emotions grief causes.I don't let anyone close to me in real life as well, even those to whom I trust very much.I feel like no one could understood or help me when it comes to this.
@Morfo66 Hi Morfo it sounds as if this time of year is really difficult for you from what you wrote in your post. Would you like to share or talk a little about what makes it so hard for you? Please reach out for support here if you need, try and not be alone when things feel so difficult for you. Is there ways that are healthier coping mechanisms such as distraction that you could try and put into place to help you cope, rather than you switching off and being numb? Sometimes if things feel so overwhelming, their creating distance for a while, from whatever it is thats hurting you so much, can be a good thing until such a time as you feel able to begin working through the distress you feel. It may be that you need to get support to work through whatever is causing you the grief you mentioned, so that you can process it, and come to a better place with it all. It wont be easy but sometimes doing that enables us to cope with something very painful where its not dominating or tearing us apart but where we can be with something and it hurt a lot less than it did initially. We are here for you if you need :)
@Morfo66
My heart goes out to you at this time of the year and in sympathy. Anniversaries, times of the year are often tough. Grief can be overwhelming and for today being numb may have been a way of being protected from all the emtions, as you were early on in your grieving.So try to be gentle with youself and take it easy.x
@dancingRainbow45 so hard to see anything but negatives. Hubby says improving but i dont see anything but this. Its difficult because have had this most of my life. Even before all the losses and grief and recent trauma. According to therapist had trauma in childhood too which is making me question my memories and perception of what i thought was normal. I dont think i can talk about it yet.
Im sorry i cant come up with anything good. I guess im still alive and trying to work and be there for everyone when i can. I used to be able to read alot. A book a day at times but had no focus for many months. Id like to restart when things are not so awful.
Today is hard. Last therapy session soon and then a break for some weeks again thoigh unsure if we are going away now. I dont think can bear to be around when they were due. I know i need to be here for mum when she has her surgery but it all hurts. It just hurts.
@inventiveOrange1 hugs, Orange. You're doing your best, and that's what counts. X
@inventiveOrange1
Hugs
what is unique about you? What special gifts or talents or even knowledge do you have, that makes you different to the person sitting next to you
also share what you inner critic says as soon as your asked to share something wonderful and unique about you, and once you have shared the negative thoughts and beliefs, to then take an opportunity to challenge it, even asking others here to help you do that if you need
OK.
I have a mischevious smile. [inner critic says: "that is a learned behavior. It is a false persona put on because you are being fake; you are not being real."] [inner critic says: "there is nothing unique about you."] [inner critic says: "you are not good at anything."] challenge: am I sure it's a learned behavior? and not just a way I naturally smile? am I sure there is not a single thing unique about me? my eyebrows are pretty unique. am I sure there is not a single thing, even a tiny thing that I am good at? I am pretty good at reading. I know a lot of words and I read pretty fast. I am also pretty good at writing. again, I know a lot of words and they seem to come together for me in a way that sounds rhythmic or pretty.
I am talented at wiggling my eyes. Haha. I can make my eyes move back and forth really fast.
I am a pretty good cook... I can experiment with things and make them taste really good, a lot of the time. [inner critic: "yeah but you are not as good as some people. and you probably can't repeat it if you try. you are not really as good as you think you are."] challenge: does it matter if I am as good as some people? does it matter if I compare? does it matter if I can repeat it, or is that a different skill altogether and thus an illogical crititicism? am I really less good than I think I am, or are those just words from somebody else who told me that one time because they wanted me to feel badly? wouldn't it make sense that I am exactly as good as I think I am?
I know a LOT about the canon christian bible and the history of it. [inner critic: "yeah but so what. that's not useful knowledge. and it's knowledge you don't even like using."] challenge: it's a blanket statement to say it's not useful... it could come in handy sometimes. and it's interesting to know it... it has applications I could use it for. just because I don't like knowing it or using it doesn't mean it isn't there. and is it true that I don't even like using it? or is that just me bullying myself and criticizing myself and shaming myself for knowing that knowledge in the first place?
@singercrystalspirit I am loving this lol You have made me smile and giggle especially when it comes to unique eyebrows and wiggly eyes lol Sorry but I could just picture this comical person doing all of that to try and make me laugh lol
I loved the way you really went with challenging things and yep you may not be the worlds best cook but your probably not the worst either and does it matter. I would tell the inner critic at least I can cook and leave it at that LOL
You made an interesting point that even when we know we are good at things, we sometimes kind of beat ourselves up about knowing stuff perhaps seeing it was egotistcal or bad in some way a bit like how self compassion or self love gets mixed up with people perceiving it as selfish or self centred. Is it wrong to think good things about ourselves absolutely not, otherwise that would be like saying if others say good things about us, then thats wrong or they are wrong too.
All the negative beliefs and the negative thoughts we carry with us have often come from others who have had their own agendas and its been in their best interests to make us feel bad about ourselves but who said they were right in the first place!!?
Great post :)
@dancingRainbow45
Thanks
@singercrystalspirit Your welcome :)
Hey, I'm here. My crazy life is chaos. Too much going On to explain. Just don't want anyone to forget me. Carry on... :)
@KatieMoon1 Glad you're still around -- thanks for checking in ❤️❤️
@melliotm Emerging from my box Fort. Haha. 📦😳
@KatieMoon1
We won't forget you Katie!
@BeeLeigh Koala hugs! The best! 💜💕
@KatieMoon1 ahhhh Hi Katie and nope your not forgotten, good to see you here :)
@dancingRainbow45
Thanks! I will probably dissapear for a week again and pop back in and say the same thing. FML.
🙃