Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Checkin - Sunday 6th August 2017
Hey Everyone!! 
Well it's not quite Sunday in my part of the world, but in yours it may be, so here is today's checkin which is all about the dreaded words "Self-Compassion"!!
Developing self compassion as Trauma Survivors is often something, many of you have difficulty with, and you struggle with being able to show self compassion to yourselves. Having compassion for yourself, is really no different than when you show compassion to others. How does it feel for you when you are able to practise compassion towards others, what does it actually feel like for you? What emotions and feelings do you get?
Trauma Survivors have an uncanny knack at being able to sense other peoples suffering because they recognise it, feel it and know it. If you ignore a child whose being bullied, you cant really feel compassion, for they're situation or what theyre going through. What stops you being able to look at the situations you experienced and feel compassion for yourselves?
Compassion is also about, being moved, having feelings of empathy, offering your heart to another persons suffering. Survivors often have the biggest hearts when it comes to being there for others.. But again, struggle to find a strand of compassion for themselves. The word compassion literally means to suffer with. With compassion comes kindness and understanding to others, a desire to help, to support and to be accepting of them without judgement accepting that suffering, failure, and imperfection is part of the shared human experience.
Self-compassion as Survivors entails acting the same way towards yourself when you are struggling, when you are suffering, when youre having a difficult time, when you make mistakes and when you notice something you dont like about yourself. Instead of just ignoring your pain, ignoring the needs within, with a stiff upper lip mentality, you stop to tell yourself this is really difficult right now, how can I comfort and care for myself in this moment?
Instead of mercilessly judging and criticizing yourself for various inadequacies or shortcomings, instead of holding onto blame, shame and guilt, instead of pointing out everything you dislike about yourselves, what your not good at, how you are only made up of perceived negative traits, how can you today, acknowledge your needs, how can you care and comfort yourselves today? What one thing could you do, to show yourselves some self compassion?
This checkin today is your safe space, just to be, to share whatever's happening in your world, the good, the bad, the inbetween. Healing from traumatic experiences is tough. We are here for you!! Stay strong, keep reaching out and remind yourselves of how strong you really are to have got to where you are today!!
Don't forget that the Trauma Community is running its video event and we would love all you guys to take part. We are looking for submissions from you all with regards raising awarenesss of trauma, its impact, what helps you as Survivors, what doesn't help you, what you wish others to know about Trauma and its impact, what this community means to you!!! Please see this link for further information and details about submissions - these could be videos, slides, images etc. This is your chance to help educate others, to spread awareness and ensure Survivors are heard!!!
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@dancingRainbow45
It feels... Amazing. Helping someone who is going through what I did/am and actually connecting with them.. Its priceless. I feel proud and elated and special and useful for a few, precious minutes. Its my favorite feeling. It is very very true that we have an uncanny sense to pick up the sufferings of others around us, and I can usually draw the issues out of them. For me, I don't give myself self compassion because I don't feel like I deserve it. We as people mainly see our flaws, especially Survivors. I see how disgusting I am and others see beauty and strength. I don't see how they see that in me but idk. I don't know how I can acknowledge my needs. Maybe eat a little bit more and excercise a little less? I work myself to exhaustion every day and don't eat nearly enough to recover the healthy amount of nutrients. Maybe let myself heal a little from being mercilessly beaten yesterday? Its painful to move and stuff so maybe giving myself a break and stop being so hard on myself.
@SemicolonSurvivor Hey Semi, Helping another person, being there, showing kindness, sensitivity, respect for where a person is at, is priceless as you said and it is special. Sometimes being there for others, can help us to feel better about ourselves. And by being there for others, it proves, despite all the negative messages, that you are a kind person, capable of connecting with another person and doing what you can to be there for them
I think given how survivors are often on superalert, looking out for signs or hidden dangers, that this can make them very attuned with others, and especially in noticing vulnerabilities in others, sensing even that they too have been hurt in life.
The reality in life, as you mentioned is that everyone has flaws, even me!!! Yes you may laugh there but is so true LOL Others can see all the things we have such a hard time seeing, but I think trauma prevents us from seeing those good things, because trauma by its very nature makes us feel bad, guilty, and unworthy.
I think if you're able to begin to take care of your needs as you mentioned, it all goes towards being kinder and more compassionate towards yourself, so if eating a little more keeps your body nutritionally in balance, that also helps you emotionally because lack of food, can play havoc with our abillity to think logically and clearly. If getting out of the house to take a walk rather than sit indoors not moving helps you to feel better physically, you may even feel less socially isolated. See even all the small things we can do for ourselves has a knock on effect. And yes taking care of any injuries your body may have, resting when needed to recouperate your energies and your strength
@dancingRainbow45
hi *hides*
@sensitiveShade5337 Hi Shade :)
@sensitiveShade5337 Hi shade, and nope no hiding, as Ive found all the hiding places LOL
@dancingRainbow45
not the one I'm hiding at :P *still hides*
@dancingRainbow45 I shared the following two images on my feed yesterday:
And:
For some of us, self compassion has a steep learning curve. Which requires kindness and patience in and of itself. Still waking up, so we shall see what kind of self compassion measures that I can come up with. 🙃
@melliotm These images are great and I must remember to repost them in a while on my feed lol So thank you for sharing and the second quote is so true, and is something I mentioned above in one of my posts. These are great, thank you Mellio 
@melliotm
Thank you for this.
@dancingRainbow45
Good morning Deb,
I'm having a wonderful day teaching the children and that always gives me a boost of feel good compassion. I'm doing OK. My sleeping has been broken again due to a few things coming up, but no nightmares. Mostly enjoying my days though.
Take care everyone and have a great Sunday.
Mary
@MKJart Hey Mary and I am assuming, the good morning Deb was for our fantastic @DeborahUK but I will say good morning to you too Mary although where I am its the afternoon now lol
Its nice to hear how your having a wonderful day teaching the children, enjoying their company and perhaps even having some fun and laughter thrown into the mix. Teaching children and being there for them certainly does help to give us a good dose of compassion. Im sorry your sleep has been broken...is there anything you feel you could do is improve this for you currently and are you able to address and deal with whats coming up for you?
Have a lovely day, whatever you get up too
How can you today, acknowledge your needs, how can you care and comfort yourselves today? What one thing could you do, to show yourselves some self compassion?
I'm going to stay in bed again today, and just continue watching stuff on Netflix like I did yesterday. Sleep was...weird. And not just because I slept for most of yesterday and still slept all night too. I woke up a lot throughout the night, but it wasn't like legitimately waking up, I was kinda just in and out of sleep at times. But that in between place when you're kind of asleep but also kind of awake is where I tend to have the weirdest dreams. And every time I closed my eyes again, that stupid dream continued. I haven't been stuck there in a while though. That's where I either have really weird dreams, or really awful nightmares, or I go into flashbacks I can't come out of. I don't like being stuck there. I don't want to go back to being stuck there all the time again. I'm just gonna rest again today. Idk how to come out of this low I'm stuck in, but I really need to. 😞
@BeeLeigh Hey Bee hope you manage at some point to get out of bed today lol But while your having a lazy Sunday enjoy it and find a great movie to watch. Sometimes just vegging out and doing what we want is a good thing to do, as long as its not about hiding away from the world lol
Sounds like dreams can be uncomfortable for you, and there is a particularly pattern we fall into where we are more likely to dream. It sounded from your post, that there is one dream in particular that is reoccuring for you? Have you ever written this dream out or shared it with a therapist? Somtimes it can help to get our dreams out on paper and if we have the resource to take this to a therapist to discuss and work through. They often say that dreams are often representations of currently anxieties and issues. Would you say there is any truth in this? It sounds as though the restless night has unsettled you? I hope your able to come out of the low you feel stuck in too and maybe you may need to dig deep to get yourself out of it. Hope you have a better night tonight
Thanks, @dancingRainbow45 :)
I wouldn't necessarily say that I have one specific recurring dream. I mean, there are some general styles/themes that are kind of recurring just with different people or story lines. I was 7 when Titanic came out, and for the longest time after that I had a nightmare where I died on the Titanic and I'd wake up crying. I've died in many nightmares. But what I meant before (and I wasn't very clear, forgive me, I'm barely awake lol), is that when I get stuck in that inbetween place, whatever is happening tends to stop if I can just wake up and stay awake. But if I go in and out, like I did today, then whatever was happening will just continue from where it left off every time I close my eyes. Today it was just weird. There were cows and goats on a highway and traffic was stopped because we were trying to get the animals off the road, but people were getting angry, and then we made it to some shop or whatever and by this point I was holding a dog and...I think this was the result of falling asleep watching YouTube videos. I've had some even weirder ones where I died. Sleep is not generally a refuge for me, but it's also something I desire when reality is too much so 🤷🏼♀️
@BeeLeigh Sleep is not generally a refuge for me, but it's also something I desire when reality is too much
💟💟💟⛺⛺⛺ Story of my life.
@BeeLeigh Hey Bee, its not uncommon for their to be reoccuring themes and sometimes it can help to keep a paper and pen near your bed or wherever you sleep and upon waking try and write down what you can remember and share this with a therapist. I get you too on that awful place that you get stuck in, when you kind of awake but not and still stuck in the dream but not completely asleep and upon waking it can feel almost like your still stuck in the dream, as if reality hasnt kicked in, sometimes it can be as frightening as even questionning or not fully realising whether what you have dreamt has happened, is real, has happened. I rfemember a dream a long time ago like that and upon waking, I was stuck, woke up crying my eyes out through the pain of what I had experienced in my dream and then had to go and check my cat was still there, in the here and now, because in the dream she had either gone or died or been taken away and I was kind of not believing what I had dreamt hadnt actually happened, it was so real. And animals in dreams apparently can represent people in there here and now or from the past so I was told. That make sense about still feeling trapped in the dream?
It sounds as if the Titanic film kind of led to all kinds of fears around dying and loss which is perhaps why it featured so heavily in your dreams following watching it? Dreams can be confusing for sure, and can be really terrifying and very upsetting.
Sleep for many trauma survivors is hard, and many suffer with sleep problems even long after the traumatic event has passed. Perhaps one day sleep could be a refuge rather than something distressing and which you struggle with. We all need decent sleep because lack of it affects our tolerance levels, our ability to think clearly and so on.
I hope you have a more restful night tonight.
@dancingRainbow45
I had a dream once where my whole family died. It was actually the entire human race, I think. There were aliens systematically killing everyone, but we had to walk to our own deaths. There were circles on the ground, and two people at a time would go and stand there and then they'd be killed by this cylinder thing that came down over them. Idk what happened inside the cylinder thing, but it was most certainly killing people. Then it was our turn, and I was crying, and my brother was the one going with me, and he helped me walk out there while the aliens were staring at us. Then he just held me and kept telling me it would be okay as we looked at our parents who were also crying while they waited to go next, and the thing came down around us and I woke up bawling my eyes out and I called my brother in the middle of the night cuz I was so scared he was gone. That was about 7yrs ago and I can still *see* all that happening like it was real.
My ex and I grew pot, and I can remember several dreams where the police came in and took us both and his mom was there in the one and she just stood there holding our dog and saying how horrible we were and how we'd never see her again (the dog) and blahblahblah, and I also woke up bawling my eyes out from that one and I had to make sure my dog was still there.
My mind is a weird and frequently unpleasant place 🤷🏼♀️
Thanks for the wishes for tonight, hopefully they work 🤞🏻
@BeeLeigh Oh Bee, really do I feel for you here. I know that scary space that you describe between sleep and awake all too well. *Hugs* take care of yourself and be assured that you're safe and not alone. 💟💟⛺
@melliotm
I'm really glad someone understands what I mean by that, cuz I usually just get confused stares if I try to explain it! It's an unpleasant place. It either leaves me scared or confused or both. I'm sorry you're well acquainted 😕❤️
@BeeLeigh I struggled with a protracted period of it earlier this year, but it's something I've had to deal with at various points in my life for some time. It really sucks. 💟
I'm not sure what the future holds. We have to move by January. I do not know if we will be moving as a couple or continuing life on separate journeys.
He's choosing the bottle over me and it's a shame. I won't live another twenty years this way. It's so sad because it's So preventable. We were finally going to have something of our own and be financially stable as well.
Since we never had children we were at least supposed to get to enjoy our golden years together. Now what? It's all in jeopardy and I just don't know.
I'm sorry I haven't been here for others - I'm not sure how long need. Just thinking.
@themainjane I guess no one knows what the future holds, but its harder for some people to contemplate that than others and for you it sounds as it things are tough right now to even know what your life may be like in the near future. How do you feel about moving and in your heart of hearts, do you see yourself moving with your partner or not? It is a shame hes choosing self destruction in the form of alcohol over you. It is preventable as you said in your post, but people have to want to change. Its like leading a horse to water, but still you cant make the horse drink if it doesnt want to. If your partner values and loves you, I would hope that would be enough over the bottle but sadly addictions tend to cloud things.
You also need to think about your needs in all this and your own happiness. Sometimes wanting and hoping someone will change, doesnt always lead to that happening. I feel for you Jane its a tough place to be in but know we are here.
@dancingRainbow45
I never imagined myself as a divorcee. I don't care what others do with their lives but I never agreed with it for myself personally. I was also never put in this position.
Still, my heart of hearts says I'll stay with him and hope for the best.
I can't shake the feeling he will change if I just do more. I don't want to live the rest of my days alone. If I live into old age I won't even have any family or children to keep me company or ponder over. Altho I do think that deep down I can function in a life lived alone (wasn't long ago I wasn't sure I could), I'm not sure I'd ever be happy or at peace with that decision.
@dancingRainbow45
Also, thank you, Raine - and Bee.
I forget too often to say thank you.
@themainjane Your welcome
@themainjane
It's okay Jane. No need for apologies here. Take care of you❤️
Thank you :)
Self-compassion is a difficult concept for me. It helped me just to read this post, to help my brain to continue to learn that self-compassion is a way to be wired, a valid way to be wired, and that I can change my brain to be wired that way.
@singercrystalspirit Your welcome, Self compassion for sure is never an easy concept to get to grips with but just like we can change negative thought patterns, we can also too learn to show more self compassion to ourselves, through patience and perservance and a wish to do so
Today I'm with a golden retriever puppy!!!!!!! No words for the cuteness ... 🤗❤️