Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Check-in Thursday 10th August 2017
Good morning all!
Getting towards the end of another week and wondering how its been going for you. Its been a big night out at dog training for Cassi and I. She is a fearful pup, fearful of new situations, fearful of new dogs. and the fear gets expressed in lunging and barking at the stressor. So we're working in her comfort zone at a suitable distance from the other dogs. We've practised at home without the stressors and now we face the real thing. (with plenty of chicken treats in the pocket) I'm nervous too but trying not to let her know this.Well, the first dog arrives, barking loudly and she's able to "look" and 'leave it" following me and the treats that are coming her way. And so we went on, mistakes at times but that's okay, we're only learning. By the end of the session I knew she'd made a big step forward. And so did the trainer. Well done Cassi! And now a well earned rest for her.
Made me think of the marathon we've been talking about. Before we would even consider a marathon we would think of the training that was needed.Slowly at first and buiding up. Training without the pressure of the real thing. And I think we can do this too.. Our training may be practising grounding techniques, positive affirmations daily, mindful breathing exercises and meditation, a physical outlet for the grief, anger and hurt, something we enjoy. Time for something creative or light and distracting. If we have practised well its likely that when the heat comes on we will be able to draw on these resources, to use them. Maybe to refute the inner critic. But its hard work, in fact its often. exhausting. So to follow this with rest is crucial.. to give one self permission to rest. "I deserve to rest when I need it. I don't have to justify it." And most of all to remember to treat oneself with kindness and patience.
How is your day going? How is training helping you to run this marathon? Any training tips? Have you something we can celebrate with you? Maybe you want to say hi! Love to hear from you. This is your space and a safe place.
@rozie
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@melliotm
Thanks mellio :)
@rozie
Hi
Im trying to be okay! The marathon is so long but you know what? I'm already somewhere in the middle and even tho I know how much I need so I can finish, I keep trying and fighting. Yup I'm strong I can say that! ☺️
Well someone just became brave and talked in here 😏☺️
@sensitiveShade5337
Lol shade. You are brave😁 I'm glad you're doing well running your marathon. Big hugs and remember all your team are there too💜
@warmheartedTurtle6662
yaayy I love hugs! 😆🍫
@sensitiveShade5337
YES YOU ARE!!! Nice to have you share more than Hi Shade- good to see you here again!
@MKJart
Thanks! :)
@rozie
@rozie
@rozie
Hey!! I just wanted to say, I've been here in the trauma forum community for a little over a month now, I think? It's flown by! Anywho, it seems like there are some common roadmaps to people healing... common symptoms, common strategies for healing... it seems like people know where they're going. I see the language a lot of it being described as a marathon. That implies a known destination.
For me, my having trauma seems and feels vague. I don't know what exactly my trauma was, nor do I know whether I will ever know (or whether it matters). I just know that I have it. The roadmaps laid out in the forum posts here seem totally awesome, but sometimes I don't know if or how I fit in, slash if/how they apply to me.
How do others know? Is there a common set of things people speak about with trauma therapists, or....?
I have a counselor/therapist right now, she is working with me on anxiety. We have mentioned trauma, but, I haven't necessarily heard her talk about these things. I had a therapist before her who told me to seek a trauma therapist, but she didn't give me really a roadmap like these... or talk in exactly this language. I have heard of many of these techniques before and strategies, grounding, etc, from another previous counseling center I was a part of.... but even there, I didn't have a roadmap or anything, it was kind of a conglomeration of different techniques and strategies and I was just trying to feel better because I felt like a wreck.
I guess I'm trying to say, I feel like I am missing something even though I feel totally welcome. I feel like I'm "missing something," some piece of knowledge or common understanding. I mean, some people I can understand they had one traumatic event happen, and so they are trying to recover - that makes sense to me, hence the marathon.
What about if I cannot pinpoint one event; I do not have PTSD but yet still have trauma? Multiple traumatic experiences? Abusive relationship histories, abusive or harmful religious histories? Do I have a roadmap, a marathon? I know many of these techniques can help me, but I guess sometimes it's hard because I don't know "where I'm going" anymore. I used to know I needed to recover "from religion"... but I feel I've come a long way and it no longer affects me or bothers me nearly as harshly as it used to. I used to think certain people in my past had been abusive.... but I feel I've largely forgiven them and myself, and maybe there are some patterns left I'd like to work on, but I'm not necessarily sure what those are.
Anyway I suppose all I'm asking anyone who reads this is........ how do we define "trauma"? How do we know when we have reached the end of the marathon people post metaphorically about? How do we know whether we have recovered from trauma and whether any problems or pain that we are experiencing has moved simply to the realm of "being human, life"? To an extent, all of life is traumatic....
I guess I just feel lost, like I am treading water maybe and getting exercise swimming, but not actually in a race that has any direction other than "happiness," or that has an ending at any point. Does that make sense? I am just wondering for any insights or comments anyone might have about any of this... thanks!!! xx
@singercrystalspirit
Hey Singer,
I so wish there was a road map too!!! My trauma roadmap has looked like a chopped up pile of spagetti pieces where the name of the street part changes names each time it overlaps. I sort of tumble onto a piece at a time. One person's journey isn't the same for another. Additionally, the path isn't linear (doesn't go A to B to C to D) most of the time, though it can and many times the storyline isn't totally coherent either because I might only get part of the story at a time when I'm ready to handle it.
That said, there are resources https://trauma-recovery.ca/recovery/phases-of-trauma-recovery/ that list phases of trauma recovery. People jump back and forth between the phases like tumbling onto another segment of chopped up spaghetti posing as a roadmap.
It's also not uncommon to go through stages of grief due to trauma like this article that explains trauma events and grief https://www.lifeworkshr.com/docs/Coping%20with%20grief%20and%20loss%20after%20a%20traumatic%20event.pdf
There is no magic checklist. We're all tumbling through this together in our own way. I'm glad you're here! Using healing jargon we've learned along the way makes us sound like we got the special secret decoder handbook for handling trauma.(we didn't 
) I notice for me that as we each share our process due to the nature of how trauma effects people, there are many similarities regardless of what the trauma was and we help each other create our own personal cobblestone pathway to recovery.
PTSD basically means a person who has had a trauma or multiple traumas over a prologned period (CPTSD), more than two months in the past, significantly effecting them emotion in the present. That's the post part. The critera to meet that diagnosis is listed here
https://psychcentral.com/lib/symptoms-and-diagnosis-of-ptsd/
I hope this helps. One importan thing to remember is don't force it to come up, it will when you're ready. Also, being as compassionate and non-judgemental to yourself as I've experienced you being to others here can help. Like putting shocks on your off-roading soul (and helmet) as you courageously face one hell of a roadtrip.
If anything, those three links will help you navigate the jargon 
Hugs, Mary
@MKJart
Oh my gosh Mary, you posted exactly what I needed to see... what I was wondering but didn't know how to look for or find. Thank you for those three links. That said... I feel really sad, disheartened, and discouraged now. I feel back to feeling like I have an entire mountain to climb out from under, and like I can't do it on my own and like it's owning my life again. I feel overwhelmed and sad, and I just want to feel normal and be free. I don't want to keep paying humongous chunks of money for therapy, trying to find people who can help me... I just want to be able to live happily, have healthy relationships; trust myself. Be free.
I don't want to feel disabled I don't want to admit how much I'm struggling, because I don't want my entire life to be put on hold. I was so encouraged and feeling like I was doing so much better... and now I feel like I have so many problems, all over again. It's just that I struggle in ways I know other people don't struggle... sometimes I can kind of ignore it, you know? And then I feel a little better for a while.
@singercrystalspirit
Oh dear, I hope my post is not what discouraged you. I also want to let you know that it does get better... Way better. Even though healing can be a life long process, we learn skills along the way teaching us how to live the happy life you discribe. Happy and liberated and living to your full potential. I have been there and even though I'm working through some things again, they are easier this time around and I'm still living a happy and fulfilled life. It just happens to have some rough waters at the moment.
No one escapes rough waters at times, trauma or not- we're human. We can't do it alone.
.. that is something we should have learned when we were young. You don't shame a child for needing assistance, asking for help, feeling sad, having a hard time. Instead you sit with them, hold them, tell them that it's ok to feel that way, meet their needs or if not appropriate redirect and lovingly correct, and how to express those feelings in healthy ways.It's this way that people learn to tolerate hard emotions, recognize a real threat vs a scary thing, etc. We're just learning to do it for ourselves as adults since we missed that developmental step to knowing your worth. We also don't shame adults, friends, family or even people we don't know for needing assitance, having a hard time or asking for help. Why do we do it to ourselves? It is 100% ok and appropriate to not do it alone and again I have to say, I'm glad you are here.
There will be good days and bad days. We're here with you in this. One step at a time Amiga.
Hugs, Mary
@MKJart
Hugs :) I need help right now and I guess I need to figure out who to ask for it.
@MKJart
Thanks Mary for your wisdom and sharing these resources! Think when you say its not linear that's important, along with large doses of self compassion and patience. x
@singercrystalspirit @wiseakre
Love the dialogue you two have had here! Think its asking questions that many of us struggle with. Maybe there is a roadmap with some sign posts... like a general description..... but each of us do the journey in our own way, so the signposts may simply be a guide. And often the next step seems to unfold before us.
Sharing here the experience that we have in common normalizes it for us. Like is being said today that when we are making progress we seem to query this, second guess ourselves and doubt whether we have. Comes with the territory i think, and maybe others noticing helps to confirm the progress for us. Where it ends? I'm not sure. But hopefuly we get to a place where we can live as well as we can, with our history part of our story, but left behind where it belongs. x
Coffee is useless in the fight against drowsiness as a medication side effect. Omg. I'm falling asleep staring at my computer. 6hrs left at work 🙃
@BeeLeigh
Hahaha I agree. There are some things coffee just can't do. Another of them is trying to stay awake after you've already been awake for far too many hours (say.... 36?)
I hope that your drowsiness is only for today, and that it is not something you need to deal with long-term!!
@singercrystalspirit @MKJart
4hrs left. I'm waking up a bit, but I took the medication like 6hrs ago 🙃🤦🏼♀️
@BeeLeigh hang in there x
@BeeLeigh
Been there!!!
@rozie
My day seems to be going OK. I'm feeling a little dissocated today after my session yesterday. Not even sure if I really meditated or not even though I held still for 45 min- just not feeling too present.
Training that helps me run my marathon is self care, compassion and non-judgement. Some days more successful than others. A good example: In the past when I would feel like I do now, it would make me anxious and frustrated with myself- "Why can't you just let it go?What is wrong with you that you keep letting this effect you- it was ages ago for the love of all things!". Presently, I'm able to see it as "I happen to feel dissociated at the moment, but my daily routine is carrying on. I'll just let it be and see what happens". I know for me, being dissociated isn't necesarily a terrible feeling when the alternative of what is coming up I may not be able to deal with it right now. "That's OK." Totally different inner dialog. YAY! Progress.
The kids summer program has ben awesome, all the photos and stats are rolling in. I feel really good about that.
I enjoy saying hi to you and the community, Rozie et al ! Hope your Thurs is magical!
Mary
Tough day for me. Woke up triggered, been on the edge doing what I can ever since to stay present and grounded while my roommate spends literally the entire day cleaning and rearranging with her shows blaring at top volume. All in all, not a calming environment at the moment. Hiding in my room, hoping the noise and hyperactivity will finally die down long enough for me to grab something to eat (or even, you know, breathe and feel safe.) 😬😒🙃
@melliotm
I'm sorry <3 hugs
@singercrystalspirit Thanks, singer <3
@melliotm
@rozie
Hi everyone . I'm a bit too scared to talk about anything in here today but just wanted to pop in and say hi I'm alive
@SemicolonSurvivor
Hi :) *waves*
@singercrystalspirit
*waves back* hi
@SemicolonSurvivor
@SemicolonSurvivor
Good to hear from you and glad you popped in. x
I can't take much more
@wittyTree8219
Sorry to hear this and know that it can get so hard at times. Wondering what would be helpful for you.....are you able to cont act a local supportline. Please keep in touch and let us know how we can support you. hugs
@rozie thanks. I'm better. I'm actually in the hospital, but it's for my heart. I had 2 heart attacks in 07 and a Stent. Then some pains in 2015 and 2 more stents. The last few years I had a little irregular heartbeat I take a pill for. The last couple of days it was still doing it even taking the pill so I came in. They're going to keep me and probably send me to the larger heart hospital for a catheterization. Gotta keep up with it.
@wittyTree8219
So glad you're okay, and hospital sounds like the best place to be for now,.. to get the right attention for your heart issue. Know it scary when your heart rhythm goes out. We are thinking of you and wishing you all the best. x
Just wanted to check-in. Work and house cleaning. Plumbing work finished up today so that's good. Wasn't easy having people in my home.
@rozie - I see you are doing a discussion or something on domestic relationships and dogs/pets.Could you tell me what that is about? Thank you.
@themainjane glad the work is done. Hugs
@inventiveOrange1
How are you dear? Miss you.
@singercrystalspirit not good. No sleep despite drink and meds. Goin to be hard weekend. We scatter their ashes onnsunday. Im trying not to think but cant. Love you hun hugs
@inventiveOrange1
No words can help or justify. Just know you and your spouse and family are in my thoughts - all of our thoughts.
@themainjane thanks jane x
@inventiveOrange1
I'm sorry sweetie. Big hugs for the weekend ahead Maybe this will help you to be able to find some peace.
@singercrystalspirit thanks crystal x
@inventiveOrange1
x
@inventiveOrange1 No thinks, no words, just hugs x
@melliotm thanks mell
@themainjane
Hugs, you got through having people in your home!
@themainjane
Good to hear from you Jane and glad for you that the plumbing work is finished... can claim your space back again.Nice!
I'm doing some writing on those topics for use in the support sessions. x
@rozie
By support sessions do you mean forum discussions or guided discussions in chat?
Also when you mention pets do you mean as they help with coping or how they can be abused as well?
UGH can I have some extra support? I don't know WHAT is going on with me, and I just feel REALLY frustrated and a little bit overwhelmed and am stuck in this place of wondering whether more is wrong with me than I thought was wrong with me....
I know nothing is "wrong" with me (that's what my old therapist used to say) but I am stuck in the place of thinking something is.
Can I have some hugs or something? I don't know I feel like I am closed off right now and like I can't feel anything positive. AHHHHHHH! I don't even know what to DO to help myself because I don't even know WHAT is going on! I wish I knew how to figure out what I was experiencing and why I am feeling uncomfortable and discontent and why I am in a worse mood and not a better mood.
@singercrystalspirit
Moods happen. They also go away. You're okay Singer. ❤️
@melliotm @TreesandWine @inventiveOrange1
I think we need a blanket fort over here for Singer ⛺️
@BeeLeigh @singercrystalspirit big hugs. Its ok to feel however you feel. Stay in fort. Safe here.
@inventiveOrange1
@BeeLeigh
Thank you, Bee.
@BeeLeigh *Bit late lol. But I'm here -- typos and all!
@singercrystalspirit
I hear what you are saying and think sometimes we can't make sense of what is going on. We just know that we're feeling out of sorts. Its okay and this too will pass. Know that we're here,we understand its not an easy place to be. Sending you a big bunch of fragrant flowers, any color and fragrance you like. hugs.
@rozie
Thank you rozie
