Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Check-in: Thursday 13th September 2018
Hi Trauma Family
Today's check in is about pillow forts (yayyyyyyyy I love these) 
What do you need in a good pillow fort?
Do you like to curl up in your duvet with your pet or fave teddy? 
OR do you like...
+ 
+ +
= awesome ?
snacks pillows all the teddies entertainment
and for those of you like me with little people inside, do they need different things? Is there a way to include all of your parts in the pillow fort?
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@LifeIsMyCanvas
hello lovely i missed you...
um i would like a books and my big stuffed animal and my best friend all in my pillow fort
@Hope7879
Hey Hope! I missed you too yesterday, I took a self care day!
Books sound like good entertainment, teddies and best friends are always needed - good choices 
How are you doing today?
@LifeIsMyCanvas
pretty awful i just started crying and i was upset... im just thinking about my brother aand yesterday was difficult... yesterday i said i was bisexual and someone said well god said i should disown them... i just got angry and i delat with it then i have been up since 4 am and now its 9am ... im just upset sometimes... i hate things. i was having suicidal thoughts last night. i was going to cut but then i put the object down and told myself no ... i just layed on my best last night dead inside...
@Hope7879
Aww hun that's a lot to deal with. I shall leave my arms open for you if you would like a safe hug 
I think you are saying that your friend said God was telling them to disown you... if not please tell me if I read that wrong.
I just wanted you to know that you aren't alone and that's a hard thing to process. There was a time in my life that I realised that I had parts of me that might be bisexual and it is a hard thing to accept when you have a personal faith that doesn't seem to be accepting of such things. My personal experience though, was that God was very accepting and gentle with me in my discovery of my sexuality, especially after all the trauma. I think that God loves us no matter what... He loves us as we are.
Did you have anyone you can talk to about the suicidal thoughts? They seem to be coming up a lot for you at the moment, which is understandable given all that you are going through. I'm very proud of you for resisting SH and for reaching out for support today. Especially given all the numb feelings. It's hard to reconnect with yourself after things get too overwhelming isn't it?
I hope you can get some rest later too. Keep talking to me here if it helps
@LifeIsMyCanvas
yeah thats what the guy said in my school... and yes i do but im not going to bother them. im so over it all
@Hope7879 - Sounds like a lovely fort with good company! Do you have a favorite book, or one that you're currently enjoying?
@Anomalia
i just finished a book today. im starting one called girl in pieces and the other one is called confidential confessions i dont think i can carry out reading it because it triggers me
@Hope7879 - I'm glad that you're being aware of your triggers and thinking about setting the book aside - I'm of the opinion that with so many amazing books out there, there's no need to spend time on one that you don't like or that hurts you to read. I know I've definitely had books before that are triggering for me and I wish that I had been more self-aware about that before finishing them.
I'm not very good at self care. But pillow forts sound okay. I would take my Boo bear and my gravity blanket. They seem to be what comforts us somewhat lately. I find it difficult to be alone but have no friends to invite. Isolation has been our norm for so long.
@affectionateNorth4018 - Hi there :) It sounds like you've been feeling pretty isolated and lonely. You said that it's tough to be alone, so I wanted to offer you some company if you would like someone to sit in your fort with you for a little while. I have some cushy pillows I can bring in!
@Anomalia
I want to say yes, but....
It's taken me 6 tries to get that out. I'm sorry. I can't say anymore.
@affectionateNorth4018 - You don't need to say anything else right now, and I'm proud of you for continuing to try to get that yes out.
I'll sit nearby, but not too close and you can decide if you want to move closer, stay there, or even if you want me to leave because it's too much. It's all up to you and what feels right for you. And if tomorrow you want me to sit closer or to go away, that's okay, too. You get to decide what's right for you.
@affectionateNorth4018 Oooh what is a gravity blanket? Sounds cool
@Kate
It's a weighted blanket n it feels like a hug. At first I didn't like it cuz it felt like we were being held down but now we like it lots n got one that's even heavier 
@LifeIsMyCanvas the second option definetly
@CaringBrit
me too!
@LifeIsMyCanvas how are you?
hugs if anyone needs
@CaringBrit
I'm ok ty, just made some vegan chocolate cornflake cakes to munch on ... waiting for them to set in the fridge is torture lol but they will be in my fort snack box tomorrow 
@LifeIsMyCanvas i loved baking those so i bet lol
@CaringBrit - For me, I think I'd stick just with a warm blanket, a nice mug of tea and a good book - I don't need anything fancy for my fort :) But then I hear about others and thing...maybe that would be nice, too! :D
@Anomalia i agree the others sound amazing
@LifeIsMyCanvas In my pillow fort I would bring my acupressure mat (I just got it and it's so nice for neck and back pain!), my cats, a book, and ice cream.
@Kate
sounds like a good fort! I like all of those things, but I'd have vegan icecream
@Kate - I'm intrigued by this acupressure mat....tell me more! :)
@Anomalia It's like a yoga mat but with a bunch of pressure points to target pain and release the tension. I got one for my back and a neck pillow that goes with it. Not sure what others' experiences are like, but I find it very relaxing and helpful.
I made the wrong decision n now theres no turning back
@lightVillage54
are you ok?
My blanket fort has to have all of the pillow and blankets in the house. . . That's a rule.
Note: Must lay or sit on the floor and each person in the fort must have a pillow and use clean sleeping bags to lay on.
The fort must face the tv so we can watch favorite movies.
Then soda in bottles with list so you can't spill. . .
And snacks that can be swept up: chips, fish crackers, candy.
Go potty first.
Then start movie and forget being an adult
@Rebekahwriter13 I love this! You have this very well planned out!
@Kate
I grew up with three brothers, two if them were 12 and 16 years apart from ne, I've years of blanket fort experience.
@Rebekahwriter13 count me in
@Rebekahwriter13 - These are very sensible fort rules! :)
@Rebekahwriter13 - Rebekah, I don't know where you live, but your pillow/blanket fort sounds WONDERFUL! What is the max capacity of the fort? May I come too?
Oh and your very last phrase/sentence --- THAT! (tired smile) Good night dears! ((Puts in movie Mary Poppins, lays on couch)) See you tomorrow! <3 Platy
@cyanPlatypus6370
I appreciate that; in fact, I appreciate all the feedback it has made my day.
Everyone is allowed just no fighting.
When in the blanket no being an adult.
@LifeIsMyCanvas
Right now I am hiding in my version of a pillow fort.
I had to go to the doctor today. I've got some health stuff I've been pretending isn't there. It was a hard to do, but I'm too sick to go to work so I had to go.
@practicalIdeal2007
Well done for going even though you didn't want too, you are very brave
I hope you find comfort and rest in the pillow fort. I go into my pillow fort after medical appointmnts too. They can be super tough to deal with.
@LifeIsMyCanvas
I'm going to go get coffee and my weighted blanket to add in with my pillows.
They had to do some tests and I had to let people touch me and I'm not really okay with that. Then the bug spray guy come to my house and was in my house and I'm not really ok with that either. So I'm sick and wound up and too many people in my bubble today. 
@practicalIdeal2007
I really hate those things too so I relate a lot to not being ok with that, but you did it? and I'm proud of you because they are both very tough things to do. I hope you can make your bubble safe again soon
@practicalIdeal2007 - I'm really proud of you for being so courageous and both going ot the doctor and having the bug spray guy come take care of things. Those aren't easy things to do, but it sounds like they were necessary, so I'm glad you were able to. And now I hope that the rest of the night you can snuggle up in your fort and rest and recharge from the day - you deserve some self care time! And if you would like, here is some fresh lavender to put in the fort - lavender is supposed to be a very soothing and calming smell!
@Anomalia
Thank you for saying it was courageous.
I'm crying right now and I don't know why. I don't feel courageous, because I am very afraid of things people do all the time. For being so triggered by these things.
@practicalIdeal2007 - One of my favorite quotes is "Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the assessment that something else is more important than fear" In other words, being brave doesn't mean not being scared. It means being scared but facing that fear because something needs to happen. And that's exactly what you did.
@Anomalia
I really like that quote. I had never thought of it like that before. I've always though of bravery as not being afraid. I suppose something wouldn't require courage if you weren't afraid of it.
I found this quote about bravery:
True bravery can only happen in the face of fear. If you arent afraid, then how can your actions be brave. – Robin Sharma
@practicalIdeal2007 - Love that quote - very true!
@practicalIdeal2007
Hi Deal,
Sounds like a though day, facing two such big triggers in one day, that is brave, just like Anomalia says. Im sorry to hear you are sick, hope the dr can help you with that.
Hope you got the cofee and managed to wind down a bit.
@LifeIsMyCanvas I am not sure what you mean by little people in you but I have a teddy army 
@AmalieAnne
I have Dissociative Identity Disorder so I have child personalities that I call littles
I have a teddy army too... they are lined up on my bed head
@LifeIsMyCanvas I do not think that having child personalities is bad but I am not you so... a lot of older people lose things when they get old, not everyone but some do. Like imagination and silliness which to me are good things. I have a bestest teddy who goes with me everywhere, he has even had surgery. He even goes to school with me but in my bag so people do not know unless they know. Do you have a bestest teddy?
@LifeIsMyCanvas This is none of my business and I do not know, the things you experience or have experiences of so unique to you it would be impossible for me even know them. But, I was thinking you do not have child personalities they are part of you, so they make you. So you only have one personality. I am not dismissing you or anything but I am who I am and so are you. Again none of my business and I get confused with alters I think they are called. It bothered me so I hope it is ok for me to say this, but to distance them feels like they are wrong or not valid when they are. Sorry if it it is not.
@LifeIsMyCanvas
I think I might need to start collecting a teddy army.
@AmalieAnne - A teddy army sounds like a lovely crew to have around! I don't have quite an army, but I do have a few stuffed animals that I keep with me even as an adult :)
@Anomalia You have a personal guard
@AmalieAnne
A teddy army sounds nice and a bestest teddy. Its nice to have a best friend and a personal guard
@LoveFromSara That makes me happy
It's night time here and time for me to go get snuggly and sleepy. Thank you all for sharing your pillow fort ideas with me... got some good ideas for improving mine!
