Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Forum Checkin - Monday 27th March 2017
Hello you lovely people out there! yes you! dont go looking over your shoulder wondering if Im talking about LOL How have you been? Whats happening in your world?
Healing from traumatic experiences is one of self discovery and personal self growth, where you can rediscover who you are, and grow into that strong survivor that you are. Sometimes you may even question why you are bothering, is it worth it. YES, it is! Because your worth it. This space is yours, to share whats happening in your world, to say Hi, to let us know if you need some extra support, to share the good days, bad days and inbetween days. This is a safe and supportive daily checkin space for our members. Remember to be kind to yourselves, and take some time out for you if needed.
Please see the following link to be added to our daily checkin forum tag list.
@Avaray @vriska44 @Shadeshack @BeeLeigh @Faeryschild @dancingRainbow45 @Lavendermoonlight @KLM3278 @sujaypai
@SweetMelody95 @jr50 @agreeableKite4304 @PuppyLove13 @AutumnLeigh @KristenHR
Everything feels a bit raw today. Looking forward to the day being over :(
@fearlessPapaya5168 Hi Papaya, am sorry the day is feeling raw for you. Is there anything you could do to perhaps make it less raw? Perhaps try to occupy yourself with something to take your mind off of whatever is bothering you. Distractions can help sometimes.
@fearlessPapaya5168
Hi Papaya, sorry to hear it is a raw day. I do hope it will get better and you will find some peace. I'm so glad you shared today.
@fearlessPapaya5168 One day at a time. You got this.
I was very sleepy today in school, but it's the fourth quarter so just one more!! I also have trauma treatment today, it's almost over, just a few sessions left! Lots of motivation to keep moving forward
@lavendermoonlight You have a few sessions of trauma treatment left or a few sessions at school? How have the trauma treatments been going for you Lavender? Have you felt any benefits so far?
@dancingRainbow45 I only have a few sessions left a trauma treatment, I've been doing it for around a year. It has benefited me tremendously, I am dealing with my PTSD in a much healthier way
@lavendermoonlight
Hi lavender, so great to hear that you have the motivation to move forward. It sounds like you are quite busy with your schedule. How exciting to be doing well enough to be wrapping up trauma therapy. It's a great feeling for sure.
@KristenHR thank you very much Kristen ❤ I'm very excited 😊
@dancingRainbow45
I just want to share that I finally found a therapist near me who accepts my insurance & specializes in PTSD. He comes highly recommended by other professionals, and the staff at 3 different hospitals (where I was inpatient in the past 3 years) tried to set me up with this therapist, but I guess he didn't have openings at that time. I would have prefered a female, but sometimes God know what I truly need more than I do (because I haven't always clicked with female therapists either). I have my initial appt Wed., and I'm very ready to start seriously dealing with the traumatic events/experiences in my past so they lose their power to imprison me in the present & future. I know building a healthy, trusting relationship with a new therapist will take (much) time and patience...because I TRUST no one in this world (except my dogs), and I have been SO betrayed by former therapists, but I am willing to give someone new an opportunity to show me how to begin to trust again, communicate better, and have healthier relationships.
@caterpillargirl Good luck! I really hope your new therapist is nice and you can feel comfortable talking to him. I understand what you mean, I really really like my counselor but I'm also still really really nervous to sit alone with him!!! It's so hard! But I think we both can do it!!! I'll pray for you!!!
@KLM3278
Thank you so much for your support, encouragement, & most of all prayers.My faith has been tried, & fried by trials, but I am convinced that I only was able to get an appointment with this particular therapist because a woman at my church has been praying hard that God would open a door for me to get the help I desperately need. Other therapists I've seen in the past several yearshave quit on me...saying they can't help me. And, I've been discharged from inpatient care time and time again with NO follow up counseling set up/in place...only to flounder without any support. And, I do not have any friends, or any family...so it has been very hard. Some psychiatrists have stated that my Prognosis is very poor, and it's unlikely that any medication, or any therapist can help me. Whoa...that's a grim professional prediction, eh? But, even with the little, remaining faith in God I still hold tight to...I HAVE to believe that God did not bring me through ALL trauma & trials I've gone through in my life..only to leave me broken, hurt, and unable to trust, love, or function at a healthy, managable level. I truly have to keep believing there is something.. ANYthing more to life, and living than merely: pain, anger, isolation, and distrust. These four entities seem to have taken over who I once was, and become almost all of who I now am. And, as a Christian, those negaitive elements & emotions should not overtake my identity and personality...but they have. I have had multiple traumatic events/experiences in my life and I am SO overwhelmed by the impact they have had on my life, and my view of the world around me. I feel SO brutally damaged by these experiences and feel they have so severely deformed me (mentally, emotionally, spiritually, & relationally), that it is impossible for me to ever experience healing, or "recovery."
@caterpillargirl I'm so sorry about everything that you've been through. It sounds like a lot. Here is a HUG!!!! My faith in God is the best part of me and what keeps me going. My counselor is a Christian to and he told me something that really has been helping me. When Jesus was on the cross He took everything I have ever done but also He took onto Himself everything that has ever been done to me!! I hadn't ever heard that before or thought about that. Jesus and His love conquered death and sin. We are forgiven!! We are loved by God!! I hope this encourages you! God will never give up on you! People can hurt us and leave us, but God never will. You can tell all this to your new therapist I bet. How other doctors have been to you. And I'll keep praying for you. I think what you said is right. God wants you to heal. God is the healer!!! Jesus forgives us and loves us. We are a new creation in Christ Jesus!!! :) And with faith ALL things are possible!!! I'm real glad to meet you and promise to pray for you!
@KLM3278. Everything you said is absolutely true! God has been with me through so much, I can't imagine my life with out him! I am glad you too have that! May God continue to bless you!
@jr50 Thank you. And may God bless you also!!
@KLM3278
Thank you SO much for reminding me of irrefutable truths. The grim outlooks doctors & therapists have of my conditition are not absolute truths, they are merely human predictions, and (maybe faulty) opinions. But because sometimes their voices are all that I audibly "hear," in my humanness, that is what I most often take to heart, and believe. I have gone through a very long, and difficult "wilderness" season of incredible losses, illnesses, trials, and DEAD silence from God. For the past four, very difficult, years, I have sought God for answers, direction, open doors to better/healthier housing & employment opportunities, healing, & peace...and I have only experienced door after door to opportunities slam in my face. And that is the only sense of God working (???) in my life...door slamming, & locking when I've prayed and prayed and PRAYED...night & day for doors to open. I have been a Christian for more than 25 years, and experienced God's presence and clear direction for much of those years. But, the past 4 years, I've only experienced His silence, and His ALLOWING more pain and trials to keep heaving down upon me. I do NOT understand WHAT good can come of repeated traumas, or how if He truly loves me...He can allow me to be brutally re-assaulted physically/sexually numerous times (and I've never really dated much, had a serious boyfriend, or been married, so it's not like I get myself into unhealthy/dangerous, or abusive situations, or relationships). And, I do not understand how/why a God who loves me could allow me to go without heat in my home for the second cold winter in a row, or allow me to go without water, food, or electricity while I already struggle with serious chronic health problems...that He has a full understanding of??? It is hard for me to comprehend how a loving "father" could just stand by and do NOTHING to help me when I have worked as hard as I can, given my autism and other disabilities, and been a wise steward of the money I do have? So I just don't understand His love, as it applies to life here on earth...where I am stuck. Yes, I "get" the work Christ did on the cross...and I am thankful I have eternal security. But, if I am stuck VERY alone here on earth...I need help in the here & now, NOT just in the life-ever-after. Maybe my autism, and my ridgid, logical thought processes hinder me in my Christian faith, but I have found that years and years of trauma & trials have ceased to "build more character," or "make me stonger." They have reduced me to a weakened state of near immobility, left me in a state of friendless isolation (because former friends told me they couldn't handle all the bad things that kept happening to me, nor were they comfortable with how deeply depressed & suicidal I grew following a continuation of losses, tragedies, & trials). Maybe because my family never loved me in any understandable manner, it is harder for me to comprehend God's love??? I don't really have anyone in my life, other than my dogs, who love me...and they are all I have ever had by my side. And, I can't equate God's love with their tail-wagging or wet kisses. I have a "head" knowledge of God's love, but my heart does not know or understand "love", nor do I know what love "feels" like. I do not doubt that if the Bible states God loves me, then it is true. But, I know I would not merely stand by and simply "watch" someone I love go with out food, water, a safe place to live, or allow others to beat and brutalize her...if I had the power and means to intervene...and help. My relationship with God is strained, at best, by my view that He is indifferent to the cries and pleas of some who have faithfully devoted their lives to Him, while He seems to show His favor to others. My problem isn't that I do not believe in a God who is bigger and mightier than ANY problem I have, it's that I KNOW God to be BIGGER, MIGHTIER, and MORE than ABLE to help me, and heal me...but He chooses NOT to.
@caterpillargirl I really understand what you are saying and going through. Hug!!! My family has been a big part of my issues. But God is not like our fathers. My counselor talked to me a lot about Free Will. It's a gift. And you haven't ever used yours to hurt someone else but it sounds like others have used theirs to hurt you. Someday God will wipe anyway every tear though. I read a book called "The Storybook Bible: everything whispers his name." God is love. "God's love is Never stopping, Never ending, Unbreaking, always and forever." This helped me understand God's love and evil in a whole new way!!!
@caterpillargirl I wasn't done but my phone is being difficult.
I'm new here and just beginning to work on my things in counseloring. It's hard! So hard! But I think I've been seeing God providing in ways I haven't before. Maybe it's the same for you to? This site could be a way God is providing. People praying for you and your new doctor. Answers prayer there! I'll be praying for you a lot! I don't think we can compare what we don't have as a way that means God loves us or doesn't love us. I'm learning God is sitting next to me on the rollercoaster! That I can cry and lean into Him just like Job did. I can't understand a lot of things! But I know evil is real. But Jesus death and resurrection defeated Satan. And someday everything will be made right. All the bad things that have happened to us were placed on Jesus because his love for us is "Never stopping, never giving up, unbraking, always and forever." I'm glad I met you! I'm praying for you! We can send each other prayers and computer hugs!!!! :)
@KLM3278
Thank you for your prayers. There is much power in prayer, and I need prayer...so keep on praying!. Know God is working through them. I met the new therapist today, and I really liked him, and felt amazingly as ease and comfortable sharing difficult and painful events, and experiences. I still don't have a psychiatrist, and this therapist knew of only one who accepts my insurance, but when I called that doctor, he wasn't accepting new patients. So, if you could pray God opens a door for me to find a good & affordable psychiatrist, I would be grateful. My primary care/family doctor told me my neuro/psy problems, and severe, refractory depression are out of her league of expertise to treat, but also said that when I see her in two weeks she is willing to start me on an antidepressant. I am trying my best to keep finding the positives, and today, when the psychologist heard 90+ minutes of some of the trauma tidbits of my life, he remarked that I have an incredible amount of resilience to have experienced what I have, and to still continue pressing on & persevering to make a better life for myself. And, that validation and encouragement really helped me realize some of the strengths I do possess.
@caterpillargirl Hi! I will pray and keep praying for you!! I think that is so great your appointment went good. It's hard to feel at ease I think so it's so great you did!! I think what he said is right that you possess a lot of resilience!! You shared for a long time about a lot it sounds like and that's incredible! Someone on this site told me "you're stronger then you know" - I think this is you to!!!! When is your next appointment? I think God was with you throughout all this and I think what you said is right. I hope your other doctors can give you medicine that can help you not be sad anymore! Don't forget that you are not alone! Praying for you right now!! :)
@caterpillargirl Hey Hugs Caterpillar. I am so happy you have found a therapist nearby as you had hoped for. I am pretty sure things will look up from here even if a little. Do take good care of yourself and remember you aren't alone at all. We all are there with you. I remember the screenshots for feed post. Was busy with my work being a financial year ending. Would post that soon.
@sujaypai
Thanks for your message. I'm struggling a lot right now. I had my appointment (with who I was hoping would be my "new" therapist) last Wed, but after my longer, almost 2-hour initial appointment, where I brought up SO many difficult, painful, traumatic issues, experiences, events in my life, I ended up leaving with no follow up appointment. I tried to make one, and told the psychologist my time/day availability (which was open & broad), but he just said he'd have to get back to me later about another appointment...which he didn't that day, or the next day, or by the end of the week. So I called him Friday, around 2 PM hoping to catch him to set something up for the the following week, and he answered his phone, said he was driving and would get back to me "later." I'm not sure how he defines "later," (???), and I have autism where I process most everything in a concrete, literal, manner, but the last person who told me "I'll call you later," stated that on February 28 (more than a month ago), and never did call me back. And, since my recent therapy appointment last week, where SO much SH!T got opened up & stirred up from the depths of me...I have had severe nightmareS and night terrorS multiple times EVERY single night. I wake up multiple times throughout the night, all shook up, rattled, drenched in sweat, shaking, upset, and angry. And, that is how I once again, begin each day.. since I saw that therapist. And, once again, I'm back to sleeping (or trying to sleep?) in steet clothes, with the lights on in my house...in a feeble attempt to reduce the nightmares. I have had so many "initial" appointments with potential "new" therapists where SO much of my trauma history, which is extensive, gets stirred up...and LEFT with me ALONE (I have no support system outside of my dogs) because the therapistS decide after seeing me once or twice that they don't have the "right skill set," or the "right experience," or are not the "right person," to help "someone-with-my-trauma-history," or my "complex diagnoses/disorders,"...excuse, excuse, etc, etc. And, I am DONE trying to believe there is "someone" out there who has the education, experience, and compasdion to work with me. These asinine therapists KNOW how damaging it is to bring in a person, who is already "in-crisis," (add who has PTSD) and have that individual share as many painful, difficult things as they can sqeeze into a 1-2 hour "initial" appointment...and then DUMP them leaving them alone to deal with the aftermath of what trauma was reignited, memory-wise. I'm am beyond DONE trying to remain "positive & hopeful," that...maybe just maybe "this therapist" or another therapist, or doctor will be different. I gave it my best...and DID go to the appointment open-minded, and hopeful...and now...SEVERAL days/nights...and MANY nightmares later...(which leave me barely functionable during the day) I am MORE suicidal than ever, and NOT willing to give one more person, or stab at therapy another try. I am SO beyond tired of being treated like a piece of trash that is thrown away...because I'm considered SO broken, and SO beyond repair that I'm just careLESSly tossed to the curb.. light garbage. If I hear one more, highly reputable "profeessional" tell me that they are "Sorry (which they are not!) ....but they can't help me." I am going to help myself by loading my shotgun, putting it to my temple and pulling the trigger. And my battle with life, as it always has been, and always will be...will FINALLY be OVER!!!
@caterpillargirl I am shocked and appaled at the way the therapist has been treating you. It is extremely unprofessional and infact horiffic to do that for such a trustworthy profession. I can imagine how you must be feeling after opening up everytime with a new therapist almost reliving every trauma you have been through. It feels so terrible and I can understand it being so nightmarish for you after your last appointment. I am so sorry about the way you feel and I can understand no amount of sorry would be sufficient for the way you feel. I wish you could just not give up and stay on course. I can understand it so difficult for you right now but it's not the end of road. I see you are very overwhelmed now. If you want to talk about it you can always pm me. Never feel alone. Trust me you aren't alone.
@caterpillargirl I am so so so so sorry this therapist did this to you. Hug! Please please don't give up like you say! You have people here who care!! I don't understand why doctors are acting like they are. But I just was doing something for a paper and there are 7.5 billion people in the world! (Or maybe it was million, I cant remember right now) but any way, that's a LOT of people! Even if you have seen 25 doctors ... or 100 ... that's really not to many out of 7.5 billion people!!! Hug!!! Don't let 25 or 100 bad doctors make you feel so bad that you are saying what you are! Please try again! You ARE worth it!!!! We all are worth it!!!!! Fight fight fight the dark!!!! I sleep with lights on to!!! It helps fight the dark!!! I know without a doubt you are loved by God and people here! I know you can find a doctor to help. You just have to try again! Please don't quit! I hope your friends here can help you! Here is another hug!!!
@caterpillargirl I hear that you have been focusing on why a god would want you to go through the abuse and trials of life that you had and though religion may be important to you and to others, it would be good to keep to the minimum conversations about god in this forum. What I can say however, is similar to KLM below. Human beings are given free will, free will to do right and not hurt people and abide by the norms, values etc of a given society or do the very opposite, make bad choices and harm others. People who hurt you, hurt you because they chose to, not because some god wanted you to suffer. Its mans responsibility for the actions they take. You abusers for whatever the reasons chose to hurt you, they could have decided not to but they didnt. And its very common for adults who have been victimised as children to end up being revictimised as adults because the abuse you suffer in childhood, does a lot of damage and erodes away any sense of self esteem and self worth and if abuse is all you have ever known, then you grow up believing perhaps this is what relationships is about, abuse and hurt, or sometimes people end up in abusive situations as adults because the damage is still being carried with them from childhood which makes them vulnerable to further exploitation. I hear you are upset and perhaps even angry by what you have gone through but try and place the blame for what happened on those who hurt you. Dont blame yourself
@caterpillargirl. Yay! I am glad you have found a couseller close by. 
I have had a good day, went to bible study at my church for the 1st time in a few weeks, I am glad I got to go, I almost didn't, issues with the older lady's daughter again, but once I got there, all else was forgotten, I even got a hug from one of the others that started attending recently,
@jr50 That's great!!!!
