Weekly Check in - Trauma Support SubCom - 6 to 13 of September 2021

Therapists
Most therapists are highly compassionate people that chose this profession to help persons with emotional problems.
Others became therapists to delve into their own issues. Many are a combination of both.
As in any profession, there are amazing therapists, good ones, and lousy ones.
They play a very important role in our lives.
Questions:
-
What has been your experience with therapists, counselors, psychologists, psychiatrists, etc ?
- How have you been these days ?
I look forward to your comments.
All the best !
Marcelo.
Tagging Check-In subscribers:
@adaptableLake3534 @adequatelyInadequate @adventurousBranch3786 @Amelia2324 @AstronomySkies @AveryLove @BeenAKiwi @BillyJoeBobb @blueScarf9326 @BrokenDreamsPalace @BrokenMedic @bubblegumPuppy68 @CaptainTrev @CaringBrit @clare7199 @Colorfulcatsofhope @communicativeYard2325 @CoolBeans29 @crimsonLime6525 @crxxtvfl0w @Dannc7c @depressedsatellite1452 @DinaElwy @domesticEmerald50s @emylly @FallenAngel0128 @Feathersfall @FigureskatingEquestrian @Fireskye13 @Fleggles @Gagaintheroom @gentleLand5245 @Ghxstie @goldenSpruce1512 @Grandmaof10 @Greenchoice1 @gregariousBeing5071 @Grits1910 @hillsideblues @honestpanda81 @HonestWarrior6624 @HopeNChayil @HumanPersonThingy @InfinityandBeyond23 @Itisbailey @jovialButterfly6752 @jr50 @jupitermatilde @JustSmilingThruHell @Kekesea11 @Kickiree @Kimmkimm @kindTurtle3738 @LightofWorld @Lilly28 @lionsaether @littleHuman9247 @littleOtter1342 @LordFireStorm71 @lovehummingbirdsCindy @LovelyOrangeJuice @lowkeyem1001 @Lubo123 @Luchelle @lyricalAngel70 @maya6548 @Mellietronx @mkaitx @MVObserver @mytwistedsoul @navyMango2804 @neatBlueberry3608 @neonDog3649 @neonOwl3442 @NevaehRose @Nolanhm @nonethewiser @NoneTheWiser @notmyselftoday @npos25 @oceancruiser48 @Oceanwaves16 @OffDutySeraph @OneWithSugar @ottersngiggles @Parvlakin @pencilmarks @Pidgeymon @PinkestOctopus @politeBunny7572 @purpleWheel873 @QuietLotus @rainbow3140 @Randomperson453 @RansviewTheWizard @ReallyRuth @Rebekahwriter13 @Redhawk6547 @redmark @Rosa9570 @SarahAlaina15 @scarletPear1945 @selfdisciplinedTiger5523 @sensitiveShade5337 @shellofashell @shiningDay80 @Silverviolets @sleepingd0gg0 @SnippyHam @sofiamartino18 @SoulSupporter102 @stickercollection @Storyhymns1234 @Summer899 @SynSavory @Taylorz27 @tealOak8933 @The0Vetoed0System @TheFisherKing @ThisIsLogan @ThreadbareThinker @TransparentPuzzle @Turtlegrrrl8 @u1146 @Understandingempath @UndomesticGoddess @unique73 @uniqueDaisy @Verysadperson101 @WarriorHeartsSystem @weepingwillow5489 @WelcomeToChat @Worrior22Warrior @Writersworld @Xe
I haven’t been to any type of therapist in years; although some family members think I should be going now. When I last went, I didn’t find them particularly helpful.
I am doing better in terms of sleep. I would routinely be up until 3, 4 or 5 in the morning. Some nights I would not sleep at all. While that sill happens on occasion, I seem to have gotten back into more of a regular routine.
I still feel down and hopeless regarding my physical ailments; which have lasted over a year. I do have another medical procedure coming up this month, but I’m not holding my breath that it will really help.
Hi!
Most therapists are very helpful. But it may take some trial and error until you find one that it's a good fit for you. Depending on your experience with them, after a couple of months, you will be able to decide whether to continue or find another.
I am glad you are doing better sleeping. Sleep is son hugely important ! For starters, the brain processes all problematic material at the end of sleep (the long REM phase), say after 7 hours for most people. So if you don't sleep at least 8 hours, you are deprived of this process necessary for keeping your mental health.
On the other hand, poor sleep causes you to be all day well below your energy levels, both physical and intellectual.
So it's great that you are improving on this front.
I wish you all the luck in the world with your medical treatment. May it help you get physically better soon.
All the best !
Marcelo
@WelcomeToChat
1. I've had mixed experiences, I've been to about 15. I'm not impressed by the care I got from psychiatrists, but most of the psychologists/counselors were really good. You have to do most of the work in a way, but they can give you someone to bounce things off of and tools to help yourself. Also, how to restructure your thoughts and journal them.
2. Not good. My mom is getting sick all the time again. I think it's the stress of my roommate's kids being around her a lot lately.
Dear Torean:
Seems that you have had a lot of experience with therapists ! You are an authority on this !
I agree that psychiatrists tend to have a more simplistic approach. They are taught to prescribe meds, mostly. Few delve deeper into your emotional problems and their deep roots.
Also, that psychologists are more effective. They are better equipped to deal with our complex minds and our long stories.
And yes, they are as sounding boards for your own thoughts. You do have to do the work. But their professional experience might let them see crucial things that escape your view.
I am sorry that your mom is in bad health due to stress. Maybe a conversation with your roommate could help to promote a more serene environment for her.
Thank you very much for your participation and your thoughtful contribution.
All the best !
Marcelo.
@WelcomeToChat
What has been your experience with therapists, counselors, psychologists, psychiatrists, etc ? *TW*
Not Quite Good. Some were really rude as in frustrated over me and blaming me for what happened and my trauma responses of grief. Asked me to stay happy and not rant to anyone because no one is interested, to not be a cinderalla and be strong, blamed me for being a naive looking and soft sounding, they got frustrated and told me to not repeat my story, to move on, to not dwell, to not cry, to not fear, to not get angry...one even used my story without mentioning my name in her social media account got appreciation there while treating me badly in therapy sessions...some are good but hard to trust, now working with my 8th and trying to trust.
How have you been these days ?
Bad. A lot of triggers and self blame, hoping to feel better soon...
Hi!
I am sorry for what you have been through.
It seems that you have gone to 7 fake "therapists", not real ones. Their university diploma doesn't make them therapists. Their professional behavior does.
The horror stories you tell are the exact opposite of what a therapist should do to deserve that title.
It is only natural that you have trust issues now, after those awful experiences.
You are courageous to try again. But this is the only way to find a good one. Rest assured that there are many compassionate and professional therapists that can help you a lot.
I am sorry you have been experiencing many triggers and self-blame. These are usual parts of PTSD. They will wane as you progress in your healing path. A lot of patience and hope is required, though.
I wish you luck with your new therapist, and more peace and calm in your life.
All the best !
Marcelo.
- The right therapist is crucial and you probably have to go through a few to find one. I went through about 6 before landing with one. The better ones don’t take my crappy insurance so it’s all out of pocket. Be careful if you want to try EMDR because the wrong therapist can make things worse and really set you back. That stuff is no joke.
- Not very well. Always afraid of a surprise trigger or just making it worse by doing whatever. Still can’t sleep normally. No 8 hrs here. Maybe 4-6. The slow pace of healing just makes it worse because it reinforces the idea that it’s never going to get much better.
You are so right in everything you say ! Six tries to find a good therapist is a reasonable number, very representative of everybody's experience.
It's a shame that medical insurance and government schemes don't cover well mental health, so one ends up paying twice: paying your insurance (and taxes), and your therapy.
You are right that EMDR is like working with radioactive material. It can be powerful in the right hands, but very damaging if poorly managed.
There are so many triggers... Sometimes they even increase with time. You can have a bad surprise at any time, unfortunately. For that reason, being skillful and versatile at grounding is key.
Sleep is very, very important. In my opinion, you should try everything at hand to sleep as much as possible: working out, Valerian tea, Melatonin. even prescribed meds. During the last phase of sleep, the "long REM" phase, your brain processes problematic memories, recent and old. If you never sleep at least 7 hours, you don't get the benefits of that phase of brain processing, so valuable for healing PTSD. Besides, with only a few hours of sleep, the rest of the day becomes miserable (that's my sad experience of a lifetime).
Think of the pace of healing as not slow nor fast. Just moving forward is all that matters. Every inch forward is a great achievement. Celebrate those as such.
The (unachievable?) ideal would be as the Baghavad Gita teaches, to move forward doing the right thing without expecting any result.
Thank you very much for your thoughtful contribution !
All the best !
Marcelo.
Therapists are usually a positive experience for me. I find therapy constructive and healing. However, I used to have a damaging perspective on them because my abusive mother (the reason I have C-PTSD and need a therapist in the first place!) was a psychologist.
Lately I've been okay. There are some good things (like motivation returning!) that indicate in some ways I'm healing, and some bad things (like nightmares!) that indicate other things are setting me back. I recently spoke to an aunt of mine that I hadn't spoken to since I was 10 or 11, and she urged me to get back into contact with my abusive mother. It's been weighing on me. On the one hand, I am in no way emotionally healed enough to be around my abuser. On the other hand, she's very old. If she dies and I never speak to her again, one of her children completely cut out from her life, then I would think that'd be a pretty rotten way to go. My main demon is this: Am I truly forgiving and acting in kindness and love, as I strive to do, if I totally remove her from my life? It's a big question I've been wrestling with that's weighing on me.
Otherwise, I'm feeling artistically inspired (which is huge for me, as an artist who struggles with mental health) and my spirits can't be totally beat!
@betterchoices
You can both forgive someone, while also cutting them out of your life. I think sometimes that's the right thing to do. Often people try to pressure us into contact with family members, but although family is important, it's also more important to have good boundaries and not let people back into your life if that is likely to just cause you more of the same problems as causes you to cut them off in the first place. It might be different if you have some proof that she has changed in some way, or wants to apologize, but even then you don't have to have contact unless you feel it would be best for you. It really depends on what you personally think will be best for your own life and healing. So it's certainly something worth reflecting on.
I am glad that you could overcome the barrier of your abusing mother being a psychologist, to take full advantage of all that good therapy has to offer, which is a lot.
In my personal opinion, you have to prioritize your own mental health. We can't take all the risks and bear all the burdens of this world, particularly while healing from C-PTSD, which is such a difficult, crucially important, and sensitive process.
Only if you feel strong enough, you can offer such a costly gift. As the sufi sage Rumi said "Never give from the depths of your well but from your overflow"
Feeling motivated and creative is a great challenge for any artist, so succeeding at this is an indication of a huge advance in your healing path.
Let's celebrate that !
All the best !
Marcelo

@WelcomeToChat
Hi Marcelo,
Since my psychological Dx are quite complex, I have had a much lower % of good outcomes with the psychological practioners.
I hope you have been alright, Marcelo. ![]()
I've been hanging in there. A beloved friend died last night, another one 2 weeks ago, and before that, a month ago, and so on for a long list (and this is my non-covid list) which includes many more & is pretty long for the past 1.5 yrs. More will soon follow. I love them all lots. My covid list of loved one's deaths is shorter.
@BlueBirdPIllow We're so sorry to hear about your friend. It can be so hard to lose the ones we love
Sending you peace and strength Blue and a safe gentle hug if you'd like one
Take extra good care of yourself
@mytwistedsoul
Love and safe hugs to you, if okay. Thank you very much for you kindness, compassion, and understanding. ![]()
Oh, how sad! All those friends leaving at once! It must be such a shock, a turning point in your life.
It is happening now to my father, due to his age. He is losing his best friends, one by one. I see the voids this creates in his life, and the increased feeling of isolation. He has turned his attention to his grandsons, and has made new friends in affinity groups by Zoom. That helps him a lot. But it's not the same, I think.
I wish that you find peace, calm, and love from the people that surround you.
By the way, I have recently wrote a piece on Grief. You can find it HERE.
I send you all my affection, and wish you the best in this trying times!
Marcelo.
I have been to many, many different one's and mostly had terrible experiences with them. However, finding the right one can be super helpful. But if you don't know how to screen them first, you can end up being re-traumatized over and over by people who are meant to be helping you. I stopped having all types of therapy for several years and started reading books about the topics instead, and that helped me heal far more. Now I have a therapist again, and I am able to find good one's now, because I know what red flags to look out for and what questions to ask them at the start.
@resourcefulPond1641
Pond, that is very good that you now know how to screen a potential therapist first, before you end up waisting a lot of time with them, and it only ends up badly. I was in a different post where you were happy that you had found a great therapist. I did reply to you and say how happy I was for you, but, I forgot to put that @ sign in front to your name, sorry Pond. But I am glad the one you have, you have done your screening with, I assume, and you are very happy with them now. ![]()
@BlueBirdPIllow
Thank you so much! I appreciate it. And, yes, I have now found one who I think will be good. Although I've only just started working with her, but it's going well so far.
@resourcefulPond1641
So glad it is going well so far.
I know how very hard it is to find a good, qualified therapist, that we each can work well with. There is so much involved with that. I really hope they do work out and continue to work out for you, Pond.
If you can ever find a way, just let me know from time to time, if you want to, and feel okay doing that.
I am so very glad that my therapist did not get rid of m late Thursday. I was very worried about this. But it all went very nice and I am so relieved about it. I appreciate them so much. I sure don't want to lose them. ![]()
@BlueBirdPIllow
I will do my best, although as we are both members, we can't actually message each other directly. But if I see you around the forum I will try to let you know how it is going.
I am glad that you have become wise on screening for good therapists, after so many awful experiences.
In my view, the best way to search for therapists is by asking people that you trust their judgment on this topic. But there might be few, or none, and then you are condemned to a random search.
Anyway, yours looks like a painful story with a happy ending.
Now you can look forward to the great benefits of therapy, in the hands of a good professional.
Let's celebrate that !
All the best !
Marcelo.
Posting again to answer the other question of how have I been.
Mostly I think I've been getting a bit better. My doctor has been supportive and started me back on medication, so I could sleep again which was nice. And I have found a good therapist, although she is currently on vacation.
But today I witnessed a young women with two kids being harassed in the street. I felt anxious, but I waited for him to leave and then went to check if she was okay and if she needed or wanted help. I felt like I handled the situation pretty well.
But afterwards I was very upset, because I already have C-PTSD. I tried to talk to my brother about it, but he seemed totally uninterested and unsympathetic, and more like he was annoyed I had interrupted his movie. Then I tried calling to talk to a listener here, who turned out to be really terrible, and he suggested I was suffering from paranoia. Anyway, I reported him and blocked him. That whole way of feeling so unsupported and not believed after something traumatic happens is something that often seems to happen; and it is part of what makes it all so much worse. I won't go into details about the listener, because that might be against the rules here. But I just needed to vent about it, so I thought I'd just write about it on this forum instead, where at least it's public and everyone can see the responses. Because I find that writing things down helps to calm me down. The problem is that a good listener is amazing, but bad one's can make you feel so much worse. And I know you can search for one's who understand trauma, and reach out to them, but I find that very hard to do due to my social anxiety.
I have messaged my girlfriend about it and I'm sure she will be supportive, but she is in work right now. I am starting to calm down again now, but it's taken me around 2 hours to stop freaking out after it happened. I think I could have felt better sooner if someone I went to for support had bothered to try to understand and listen.
It wasn't the worst type of harassment but bad enough, and the girl seemed to be okay after and was glad I checked on her; but it was bad enough that she warned me that if I ever saw him around to pretend to be on the phone, because he only bothers people he knows. And he is the type of person to ask if you are single, and if he finds out you are he will keep asking you out repeatedly even after you say no. And he will respond angrily when she says she isn't interested by telling her to put her kids up for adoption. And he does this with several girls in the area. He doesn't seem to go further than this; but it's enough to make me anxious now about leaving the house again, and I've already suffered from agoraphobia in the past. I feel like the world can be a horrible place. Yes, there are lots of nice people in it too, but it's still dangerous and there are too many victims of abuse in this world already. I have suffered enough, and I feel like I just can't take anymore.
@resourcefulPond1641
Pond, I know how upsetting that can feel with CPTSD. It can get very distressing and I know you wanted to help the girl/lady, but it is frightening also at.
Also know how you can try to tell someone about this and they do not even understand one bit about how you really feel and how it affects you, Pond. I also go throught the other person being upset, annyed, angry because you are trying to talk to them and they just feel it is inteferring and annoying to them and no big deal, which is bad, but, so real Pond.
@BlueBirdPIllow
Thank you so much for listening to me and understanding what I was saying. That's all I wanted. To be heard, and have it acknowledged how frightening it can be to witness things like that when you already have trauma.
Dear Pond:
I am glad that you have been feeling well lately, with the support of good professionals, and adequate medication.
Regarding the event on the street, it is sad that there are voids in the law, by which very damaging actions don't get punished. Maybe if many women in the neighborhood go together to the police or the district attorney, something could be done.
Regarding Listeners in 7 Cups, yes, it is a major problem that there are a lot of awful listeners. As the entry to Listener status is so easy, even sadistic or psychopathic people can become one. (Fortunately, most stay only a short time here.)
They can only be screened out after the fact.
If you face a serious situation with a Listener, it is very useful to take screenshots of the conversation with Fn+ WindowsKey + PrintScreen (they will appear in Images/Screenshots), or with your phone (tipically pressing opposite keys),
Then send a description of what happened, and the screenshots, to community@7cups.com
There is currently a program to evaluate Listeners through evaluators with made-up usernames that present themselves as normal members.
But until now, the main way to get rid of bad Listeners is through actions like you did, and after the damage has been done.
Going to the world at large, it has experienced evil since the dawn of time. If you think of Antiquity where slavery of captured populations was normal (girls were used...you know), as well as torture, like also in the Middle Ages, then permanent wars of all against all, with the consequent result of suffering, death and massive rape, then the horrendous World Wars...
The world still has too much evil going on, but is getting better, from a horrific base.
On that, cognitive scientist Steven Pinker has researched and written a couple of great books, with hard data.
If you are interested, watch an interview by Bill Gates HERE
And this TED Talk HERE
I wish this helps you bring a bit of hope for the future !
All the best !
Marcelo
@WelcomeToChat
Yes, I knew about the idea of taking screenshots, but when I'm that upset I never actually remember them. And now I've blocked them so I can't do that.
However, someone from leadership has reached out to me to ask for more details of what happened; and as soon as I have the time and emotinal engery I plan to message her back.
I just wish more could be done to make first time listeners complete a few more learning modules before being allowed to start. I think this wouldn't totally fix the problem, but would help a lot. Right now how much learning you do seems to be pretty much voluntarry; so the people who are already good are getting better, but the bad listeners aren't.
I am about to go out, but I love TED talks, so I'll save that one to watch when I get back home.
Thank you for your very thoughtful response. It's appreciated.
@WelcomeToChat
I've just watched the TED talk you linked too; and actually I totally agree with it, and I have always made this argument myself that the world as a whole is better off now than it use to be. the idea that things use to be better in the past isn't true at all if you look at history.
The only problem with using this as an approach to try make someone you don't know feel better, is that it lacks the context and data about the individual's life. For example, I use to live in a fairly safe area; but just moved to the area in my country that has the highest crime rate. So in some ways my anxiety, while it's partly increased due to my CPTSD, is also partly just factually true. I also have a lot of risk factors which mean I am more likely to be a victim.
I choose to try to empower myself as much as possible, and I actually am a person who naturally tends to focus more on the positive most of the time; but the fact is that as I was a sex trafficking victim I am also naturally more acutely aware of and more likely to notice when people around me are in distress. This is known as hypervigilance, and it can be a problem in some way; but in other ways I also see it as an assess. Most people wouldn't have even noticed that girl was being harassed or went to check on her. When I was sexual assaulted on the street in public with lots of people around, due to the bystander effect, lots of people saw but not one person tried to help me. Sometimes I think society likes to focus on the positive too much, and by ignoring the horrible things going on in the world, they are actually part of the problem.
I was trying to raise money last week for a charity to help victims who also were sex trafficked, and I spoke to over 100 people. The only people who actually gave me money were women who had been victims of some kind of sexual violence themselves. This is a serious problem. I am not sure how to solve it. I clearly can't solve it on my own; but you seem like a really smart and thoughtful person, and I'd be interested if you have any further thoughts on this issue. How can I help people to care more, or is that even possible? Because I am trying to empower myself by taking actions to help others in distress; but most people don't want to acknowledge that this problem even exists.
Dear Pond:
I totally agree.
I suffered a brutal armed robbery in my house some years ago, and the knowledge that "Crime rates have declined" doesn't change a bit the feelings and the memories that episode left me.
But, on the other hand, and at another level, I try to cultivate some perspective about the objective reality of such things. History is the main source of context for such interpretation. It might be callous to be glad that "assassinations have declined" when there are still assassinations, and just one such death is a tragedy. It is an unsolvable ethical paradox.
Regarding the promotion of more awareness about crimes like sexual abuse, I see some lessons from the groups that have been successful in my city.
The first is perseverance. A group, even a small one, or just a person, begins to be taken seriously when other victims, the media, legislators, etc. see that they have been persevering for maybe years, and it's not a one-shot effort. This requires patience and faith. Of course, success is never sure, but without perseverance, failure is.
The second is to become smart about dealing with the media. Journalists are lazy, so if you prepare well-researched, "shocking" articles, and establish a relationship with them, chances are those will get published, you and your group might be asked to speak on radio, and so on.
You might write them under the name of a legal institution you create like "Center for the Study of..." or ".... Foundation", which could give more credibility and weight to your articles. You don't need anything else than the institutional name, the address will be your home, the staff your friends, etc.
So an article would read like "According to the Center for the Study of..."...
The other line of work would be to gain access to legislators. Find some woman that belongs to the majority of your local legislature, that could be sensitive to these issues (and perceive she could gain votes by promoting your cause).
This is a group in my city, started by a woman whose daughter was assaulted and killed 15 years ago. They focused first on sexual crimes, then they expanded to all crimes against children. They followed all the stages I mentioned to you. "Madres del Dolor" (Mothers of Pain) HERE is their website.
This is another I know: "Red Infancia Robada" (Stolen Childhood Network) It originated in a similar fashion. HERE is their website
Both were started by 1 person, have made extensive use of media PR, and after some years became powerful lobby groups, with direct access to the Legislature, the Judiciary and other relevant government officials.
All this said, I would suggest that you start by finding a few people (say 2 to 4) that would join you in this crusade, You could ask for example the ones that gave you money for this purpose, to meet once a week.
I hope some of these ideas are useful, and that you succeed in your project.
All the best !
Marcelo.
@WelcomeToChat
Thank you for your reply. I already work closely with organization who were also victims of from the same sex trafficing cult, and we have done a lot of media advocaty, and have also worked with the police whenever we've been able to, and so far have gotten two convictions due to that after many, many years of work. Plus have gotten a documanry made resently. So I understand all of this already.
I feel that understand where you are coming from, and basically agree with you; the problem was more that I was venting about something that had just happened, and I was just looking for empathy in the moment, not to be told that actually things in the world are getting better. I know that they are gradullly getting better, and it's because of people like me. You were coming from a good place, and I could see that and appreciate it; but somehow some of your response didn't sit well with me because of the timing. It seemed like you didn't understand my emotional state, and were approaching things from an angle that would have been fine if I wasn't in the middle of a flashback. Maybe I should have made it more clear in my post, and also to the listener I spoke to, that I just wanted to vent about my feelings. He also seemed to assume I wanted his advice on how to fix my problems and the world, or that I had an overly negative view of the world that wasn't based in reality. I already have plans in place to work towards healing myself and working towards a better world. The listener I spoke to called me paranoid. I'm not paranod at all, and once I calmed down after a couple hours I stopped feeling so afraid and that the world was a terrible place. I just have CPTSD, which I am being treated for, and sometimes it helps me to vent about my feelings by writing them down. It helps calm me down. And all I want is someone to listen and agree that those things shouldn't have happened to me, or to other people.
I don't know if you can understand where I am coming from. I hope so.
@WelcomeToChat
I think you made the minor mistake of making assumptions about me, which is easy to do. You assumed I hadn't already thought of and done the types of things you were suggesting. That's part of why sometimes you have to be careful about giving people advice when you don't know them. It felt kind of patronizing, even though you clearly only intended to help.
-
What has been your experience with therapists, counselors, psychologists, psychiatrists, etc ? I do not want a psychiarist as I do NOT want meds. I want was hormones and meds and it was worst experience, I never felt so out of control in my life. I have severe mood swings and with them added it was so much worst. . . yelling, snapping and crying for nothing.
I have been to several therapists. The last one I liked but she kept pushing mornings. . . I am NOT a morning person. She was getting very popular as the pandemic happened. However I felt like these therapist push just the surface, and I need someone to probe deeper. I have PTSD, and none of them even touched it. (They kept working on my anxiety and depression even when I was feeling better.) - How have you been these days ? I'm depressed and very overwhelmed and lonely. I just found out that from my OBGYN, I will either have cancer and have to deal with that or have to get a hysterectomy due female issues. I am 38 and have no kids and my boyfriend is 1200 miles away taking care of his mom. Mentally I just want a better living situation, writing space and a cat. However my biological clock has me feeling like a failure because I will never have kids.
Der Rebekah:
I am glad to see you again here !
Depending on the condition of a given person, meds might have their place. They have to be prescribed in the minimal doses possible, almost with no effects, and increased very slowly as needed.
There are meds that are "mood stabilizers". They don't make you feel better or less anxious, but merely even tour mood during the day, so you don't feel euphoric at one time, and miserable at another, but kind in the middle.
Maybe these are the kind of meds that would help you, and not antidepressants or anxiolytics.
You should ask every new therapist whether they have actual experience with PTSD. Very few do.
You can also tell them that you feel when the therapy is just scratching the surface, and you need to go deeper. This kind of feedback will feel uncomfortable, but is crucial to the success of the therapy.
It also indicates that you are ready and willing to speak about very painful memories. Many therapists perceive those, but are very cautious to touch them, as they think you are not still ready to endure the pain, and consequently, dealing prematurely with very painful material could be counterproductive.
Summing up, you can and should give feedback to the therapist about how the therapy is going, and what you think should be changed.
I am sorry about your medical situation. I wish you all the luck in the world with the medical interventions.
Nowadays, many women develop a satisfying and meaningful life without kids. They have plenty of meaning in their lives, like it would be for you writing novels. There is a whole subculture around this, and you could benefit from reading their books.
An interesting video of childless female writers;
HERE
Al good list of books HERE taken from this website: https://livechildfree.com
You can also read a brief, interesting article HERE
I hope these resources help you a little to get a more balanced perspective and make you feel better about the perspective of a happy child-free life.
All the best !
Marcelo.
@WelcomeToChat
Hey Marcelo ![]()
I have a little time now, so, I will try to do a better response. I have had 4 great threapists. I have gotten along with them well, gotten a lot from them, and have liked them all. Yes, there have been just tons of others, some lasting 2 days, some 3 days, some 4 days, some a week, some 2 weeks, one 3 week, and so forth, once they determined the extensive abuse/trauma I really had and found "good" ways to not be able to help me.
It is ok. Everyone needs to be able to do what they want to and what is best for them, including practitioners. I am not upset about any of it. I am glad, as it leaves the door open for me to find a good therapist.
I have also have problems with some psychiatrists who flat out refuse to treat me because of my Dx of DID. I have been referred to other psychiatrists who do not believe in DID and refuse to even include it in my Dx on my records, even when I have been referred by a very good psychiatrist friend of theirs (who had a severe heart attack and had to close his practice) that had extensive additional trauma/abuse training/edu and yet, their friend, psychiatrist was so opposed to it. But, again, it is all in who chooses to believe in what. Yes, things can be in the current DSMs but, things can also be in laws, but, in life, everyone ususally does what they want and believe in. It is just life.
I choose to be grateful for when I am able to be with and have a good provider, both therapist and psychiatrist. It is a true blessing and I appreciate it so much!!!
I know with my Dx of DID, CPTSD, and GAD, I am a very challenging patient to have and deal with all the time, as with what all comes with all this. I know I make tons of mistakes and do lots wrong. No one on earth is perfect. I know I do lots wrong. I am still working on things and still trying. Things do flucutate, as they do for most everyone in life. But, with some of my psychological problems, I seem to have more flucuations, which in turn makes it more difficult on both me and my providers.
Things have been pretty severly rough for a while. I hope I will soon see some light for this time period. I am working on this from many diff angels and aspects, not only just with mental health practioners. There is lots more involved and contributing to this and I am doing all I can to work on the other things as well. Yes, it can be over whelming. But, in life, there are just times such as this. It is just a matter of figuring out what to do best, when to do what, and doing your best to keep going.
I want everyone else to be alright also.
Others matter a whole lot. ![]()
I am glad that you have become so amazingly effective in screening out lousy therapists. And finding great ones.
You might share the recipe in the Forum, with a brief article...
Regarding therapists, most don't have any idea how to deal with DID or CPTSD. Finding one with professional experience on these topics is difficult. you might refer to professional associations (like THIS one, or people with DID who you trust their judgment.
I admire your wisdom, equanimity, serenity, and patience in dealing with the challenging times you are experiencing now. And your compassion for others.
All this is very uncommon, which makes you an extraordinary person.
I am sure that, equipped with such powerful tools, your life will improve steadily as these trying times subside, and you will achieve a state of wellness in accordance with your exceptional virtues.
I wish you all the best !
Marcelo.
@WelcomeToChat
Hey Marcelo,
I hope you are doing alright. thanks for your great response. Marcelo, you know a lot yourself and I admire you in many ways.
You do so much for everyone here in the trauma community. I know I appreciatecite you lots and I bet so many others do also. Many newer people will grow to learn lots from you and also appreciate you. Thank you for all you do and who you are Marcelo.![]()