Domestic Violence Surivor

Thank you for sharing this with us here.

Put up boundaries where the perpetrators cannot hurt you, they must speak kindly or not at all. Put your foot down. Don’t let anyone mention anything related to what’s happened. Make that topic off limits to everyone ..

Don’t let anyone live in your head rent free anymore. Show everyone that you’re calm and cool and collected.

When alone, do something that allows you to release your feelings. Like painting, sewing, yard work, whatever you like. Go to art classes. Foreign language classes. Cooking classes.

Or…Write in a journal or start writing a book about your experiences with the plot of the book being that you’ve become a happy person by doing.. whatever it is you like to do. Make it fiction by using fake names and changing details but keeping it dramatic too. Sometimes it’s so good to just write it out or talk it out.

Or…Do something where you’re not thinking of what’s bothering you, like those activities like I’ve mentioned above.

I know how you feel. Art and talking to therapists and friends help me. People are here for you.

main point is to do whatever you can to get out of your own head.

Hi @RansviewtheWizard,

The healing process varies from person to person.

I've been angry for the longest time.

Angry at the abuse from my parents and angry at the (more recent-ish) abuse from my alcoholic ex/son's father.

It took many YEARS for me to get over the abuse from my parents, until I basically got out of their house at 18y.o. I am no contact with my father and little contact[unintentionally] with my mother...But slowly moving to no contact with her as well. Only in little contact based on my oldest brother living with her, I get along with all of my brothers.

Personally, for me, going no contact helped with the healing process. I've also joined online forums, done therapy in the past(trying to again), and just recently joined a domestic violence support group.

Someone on a different forum told me to try and use the What I Control vs What I Cannot Control method.

For example...

I cannot control that my son is currently out of the house, but I can control what I do to get him back home.

I cannot control that I have an eviction on my record , but I can control that I can pay off the eviction.

I bring up those two examples, because I was ANGRY at my abusive ex on the domino effect he caused. I called the cops on ex, then our son got put into temporary custody. I was ANGRY at him as well for NEVER helping to pay the bills while he lived with me, as a result, I got an eviction... But I CAN control what I do, to fix these things.

Also, another thing to look at is the ROOT of your anger and your TRIGGERS for anger. I understand how you feel in regards to how it may affect those around you. To be honest, I'm still getting angry. I try to remind myself where the anger comes from, so I don't take it out on loved ones.

For me...I've been through many toxic relationships [ex. Platonic, familial, and one romantic one...], that my anger stems from fear and distrust sometimes...I fear that I'll be abused again...so I get angry.

I'm planning on going on a 2 week detox soon from my "social life" once I get my own place and car[again] soon.... I'll let my loved ones know I'm going on a 2 week break, and won't be answering texts/calls unless it's an emergency. During the detox time, I want to do offline hobbies, such as drawing, reading, nature trekking, working out, playing musical instruments, journaling, cooking, etc.

I think it'll help rejuvenate me and also to understand what my triggers are...[ex. I HATE when people are late, as it feels disrespectful to my time. I'm busy these days, and have little time. But I try to calm myself down, because sometimes, the lateness is not intentional, not intentional to hurt me in anyway.]

Lastly, if you haven't already...I recommend speaking to the Domestic Violence Hotlineeither by text, call, or instant messaging ---I prefer the instant messaging chat feature personally]. They provide a place to vent as well as resources.

I hope that your healing process goes smoothly.

My healing process is like a rollercoaster to be honest...It has it's ups and downs, but...It's OK. It's OK to feel like that. It takes time to heal. Things are starting to get slightly better for me, so I think I am slowly starting to heal.