How much is too much
Hi, I’m 17 and lately I’ve been having troubles with my dad. He would never physically discipline me when I was little. The first time he did, I must’ve been ten or so and complaining about an extra chore taking too long (we had been working for 45 minutes and I was tired and in a bad mood). That’s when he spanked me with a work glove. I didn’t think much of it until recently. In the last 6 months, he’s hit me twice and raised his hand at me maybe 4 times. I’m not super nice to him because he’s pretty absent in general and works a lot but normally I treat him with neutrality. Of course, he hates this. It seems like every time we fight now he tries to physically do something like block my path, hit me, stand too close for intimidation (he’s much taller than me), or something along those lines. I tried to get my mom to help but she won’t even though she “understands why I’m upset”. He hasn’t apologized either. He apologized for one instance but for nothing else. I’m not a child and can stand up for myself, which is what I think he dislikes as well, but I’m not sure where the line is. It’s also particularly distasteful because my oldest sister used to hit and throw me all the time to the point of knocking me out, breaking my nose, throwing objects at me, or throwing me onto concrete. It got to the point where my mom had threatened to call child protective services on her more than once. She never did anything though and couldn’t bring herself to choose between her children even if that meant I wasn’t safe. A wild temper runs in the family. Both my sisters and father are quick to anger and like to take it out on the family. My mother is generally accepting of this as it’s “just how they are.” Basically, this is a problem we’ve had before and it seems to be becoming a reoccurring problem with my dad. I’m moving out soon but I’m genuinely unsure as to where the line is for isolated bad behavior and a pattern of behavior. I know my sister crossed it, but has my dad? What do I do as someone who lives with him?
I’m my opinion, there is absolutely no excuse to physically assault someone. If he has anger issues, that is his problem to work on. That isn’t something you should have to endure. You’re still a child (legally) and that is abuse. I’m so sorry you’re having to through this. I went through a lot of abuse as a child as well. I strongly urge you to reach out to a teacher, counselor, the police, or any adult that isn’t in your immediate family. You don’t deserve this! Stay strong!
@PorcupineRay The law is probably different in different places. There might be a local domestic violence helpline or family support helpline you can ask for an informed opinion where you are.
I could tell you what I think, but my advice might be misleading. (OK, what I think is that he has hit you and threatened you, and he has crossed the line.)
Charlie
@PorcupineRay
It sounds like now that you are older and can stand up for yourself, your father resents you. Bullies do not like being confronted, they are confronters, and when you stand up for yourself or even bring a situation up that happened in the past it takes the control out of their hands for a second. This is when a bully is most dangerous in my opinion because they get angry. My father and never once disciplined me that I can remember because he was always so emotionally detached it was always my mothers job. Once he was mad at my sister so he stopped speaking to her for two years, no exaggeration. And Mom will hang her head and cry with us because she says, I know how he is, I know it’s wrong, but try and get her to do something about it, or just confront him on his behavior…never ever going to happen. Because he will turn that passive aggressive behavior right back on her. I’m so sorry you are dealing with this. No one at any age should deal with abuse. From what you have said, even just a small post, it does sound like prolonged abuse and yes, he has crossed a line. Please stay safe. And I think the pst from Charlie is good advice. Seek out a domestic abuse line or group near you. I know it can be almost impossible to ask for help, but you’ve already started just by posting your hurt here!