I just wanted to get this off my chest/TW
Hi, I’m 13 years old and I’ve gone through many bad things during age 4-12 for about almost 7 to 8 years.
So my dad married someone else before my mom. They divorced when their daughter, which is my stepsister was about 4.
My dad is a manipulative person who gaslighted my sister for several years, even when she was studying for a university she really wanted to go into.
She didn’t get accepted into that university, and then my dad started to show extreme disappointment by saying negative things to her all the time. Then she really, really got fed up and started blaming everyone in our household of her failure. My dad, my mom and of course me.
She started fighting with my dad, every single day for atleast 2 hours. And that fight included mean comments and hatred against me that I had to listen to. It happened for about six years. At that point my dad was fired and we were economically unstable too.
Things were a disaster, and I had nowhere to talk about it. My mom is a very supportive person, but I didn’t want to worry her so I acted as if everything was fine, and of course it was not.
Crying myself to sleep was a daily thing, and one time I tired to self harm (I didn’t do it though).
It kind of ended when my dad started working and my sister moved out. We also moved to another country. I have made friends and my life is better, but my dad is still a bit manipulative and I hate it. And thanks to him I got extreme anxiety linked to fighting and yelling, even if it doesn’t involve me. I get panic attacks when someone yells/fights whether it’s directed towards me or not. I get panic attacks when I read literature and watch movies that have intense fighting scenes. I’m trying to stop thinking about it but I get flashbacks. It’s really hard for me, and I figured it would be better if I just get it off my chest.
I wrote this without checking so there might be grammar/spelling mistakes and it might sound really scrambled and out of place, sorry for that. If anyone reads this thanks for listening and I hope you have a great day :)
@stylishprawn This is horrible, and I am so sorry you had to go through this! Are you okay now? Are you safe? Please know that there are support services available if you ever feel unsafe. As someone who has direct experience of child abuse, I know it seems like nobody cares, and that the world is just too cruel, but even if it might not seem like it, IT GETS BETTER. Stay strong.
Hi. I just want to say that I am sorry you are going through this to where you have panic attacks. I was an abused child mentally also at ages 12 on up to adulthood and I too can relate to the trauma and my trauma response. (I am now 57 years old and am getting EMDR treatments and therapy. My mother and father were very cruel. They would blame me (us kids) for their misfortunes like loss of jobs, etc. They were both alcoholics and during their drunken rages, they would tear up the kitchen: breaking dishes and throwing food at walls, etc. I now have trauma responses at my age when I hear loud noises in the kitchen. So, I feel for you. Know that none of it is your fault. Your father should not impose his inadequacies onto you. That’s abusive.
BTW, you are so eloquent in your writing. Are you sure you’re only 13? You seem much older and wiser. That is a blessing. I encourage you to continue to pursue your dreams and get therapeutic help too so you can be mentally healthy in your future. Don’t bring this muck and mire into future relationships. You don’t deserve to be treated this way. Good luck ❤️