Introduce yourself to the Domestic Abuse Support Community
Not sure where to start...
I have been with my youngest son's father for 6 years. About 3 +/- years ago, he began to change. He was a very loving and supportive man, we had a 28 week preemie and he worked hard so that I could stay home with our son rather than risk his health in daycare. I stayed home for about 2.5 years.
He is a beer drinker and one night while listening to music in the car and drinking, he came up to use the bathroom. I had a habit of deadbolting the door when I was upstairs alone. He was drunk and fumbled with the lock, when he got in the apartment he started yelling at me telling me I deadbolted the door to be funny because I knew he would have trouble getting in. He came to the stove where I was cooking myself something to eat and started yelling that I knew he didnt like Chinese food and why was I fixing that and trying to be funny. I pushed the pan to the back of the stove and got a can of beans out of the cabinet and a pack of hotdogs out of the fridge. He picked up the pack of hotdogs and hit me in the face with them and told me I better never fix him this crap again.
That's all it took for him to slide down the slippery slope. He can go months without losing his cool, then bam something sets him off and he's pinning me up against the wall by my throat and threatening me, or throwing things, or slamming doors over and over until they break.
On May 14, one day after our 6 yr "anniversary," we continued the argument about the alternator in the car that we
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We picked up our argument from the day before and he was mad that I made a suggestion to his friend about how to get the belt off of the tensioner since they were having difficulty. He yelled in front of his friend about not needing my opinion, about how worrisome I am, about showing off in front of people, etc. I went upstairs. The friend left to get more tools and I went downstairs to get a drink. He started yelling again and I had enough. I stood up for myself and told him he should appreciate a woman with a broad knowledge base and that we would get further as a team. Then I made fun of him and kept saying things about how he's the MAN and he makes the rules because he's a MAN, I said man about 4 or 5 times and he jumped up out of his chair and pinned me to the wall by my throat and screamed at me then grabbed my shoulders and pushed me across the kitchen. I went back upstairs to let him cool off but he followed me and took my phone and threw it and told me I'd be dead before the cops arrived. Then he picked my phone up and gave it back to me and told me to get out. I got up to get my son and he told me I couldn't take him and grabbed my arm and lead me out of the house and shut the door. I called 911.
I took my son to a dv shelter for 3 weeks ago and got a p.o.. My mother has been in contact with my ex and he promised he wouldn't hurt me, so we moved back home 2 Sundays ago. He hasn't come around.
He wants to go to counseling and reconcile. Is it possible? I love the man he usually is.
@communicativeLion2406 sounds like you are having a hard time gauging your partner's behavior. Has anything changed in his life recently that might have caused this? I am glad you are trying to resolve this by proper channels. Do take care of your safety and keep your identity and financial documents with yourself.
Hi everyone! I also grew up in an abusive environment and naturally (as it often happens) continued the abusive patterns in my romantic life. It's something I've had to work really hard on to understand and to try to change but I feel like I've made a lot of progress so far. If anyone wants to talk to me please feel free to send me a private message. I know how confusing, lonely and difficult it can get.
Sorry to everyone on here going through all of that its very hard and hurts
I've been through a domestic violence almost 3 years of it he would treat me like a slave house slave bedroom slave if I didn't do what I was told I'd get beaten till I drop to the ground my back became sore always against the wall I got beaten just for having friends and crying and for taking the clothes basket for the clean washing my hair got pulled out a bit so I had to cut the rest off cause it was just hanging there my ribs are damaged nerve and tendons same with my wrist I got rapped by the person that was supposedly to be the partner but wasn't just a total Nut if I forgot something at the shops I got abused mentality physically verbally and financially the pain is still there and the scars it hurts at times I use to cry a lot now im past that stage now I'm just covering up the scars and moving on
So sorry to hear all that you have gone through @BrightRedFlower2322... yes its hard and it hurts.... and sharing this here can help you and others. However I get a sense of your courage and determination to move on and hope you are getting the support you need. Remember we are here for you too, with listeners who you can chat to. Wishing you all the very best.
@rozie
Thank you so much such is life and life goes on I didn't want to keep sitting around crying feeling sorry for myself I didn't do anything wrong it was all him him I was a loving caring partner and he turned me into that for himself but I'm still a loving caring supportive person as my fiancée knows we got a daughter together and I'm always looking at the future thank you I hope you have a lovely day
@BrightRedFlower2322
That's good to hear that you have a fiancee and a daughter and a future before you.... so pleased for you... you deserve this.
@rozie
Thank you its so amazing to be a mummy and have a supportive partner I'm very lucky :) 
Hi, happy to start here. I hope to become a good listener in this topic soon and be able to help - I'm here if you need me <3
Hey everyone. My name is Katie. I've been a victim to domestic violence/abuse pretty much my whole life. I do in fact have both a listener and member account. I know it's hard, but it won't last forever. You're stronger than you think you are. I hope that I'll get the chance to talk to some of you and maybe we can share ideas on how to deal with a life that involves this unfortunate abuse. Or if you ever need support and guidance, always feel free to message me.
Last week I got to know that my best friend had been suffering from domestic abuse for the past 10yrs!! I have known this couple for 6 years now, they seemed to be the perfect happy family with their 3yr old daughter. Both of them have very high paying jobs, a perfect house, fancy cars, no dearth of resources, a comfortable lifestyle. She's an independent strong woman who is in charge of all finances of the household. Yet she managed to suffer the beatings and verbal abuses and also hide it from all her friends for a good long 10 years!!
She finally got her husband arrested when the threats became deadly and when she feared for the safety of her daughter. I met her recently and was speechless. Tears rolling down my eyes at the amount of trauma she had been through. Horrified at the threats her husband used to make. Shuddering at the idea of what he would have done to the daughter once she learnt to speak and argue.
She has a long road to recovery ahead of her. But I am glad she has her family to support her, a well paying job to sustain herself, and shes still in control of finances. Its amazing how we think that violence happens only in certain sections of the society. The greed for power and control can take over anywhere and anyone. People manage to hide things, even the ones you are very very close to. Now when I look back, there were subtle things I could have noticed and at least asked about. This experience has taught me to be extra careful, extra aware, extra mindful around people. I am in the process of helping her emotionally to re-build her life. You are welcome to connect if you have something to share.
My respect for every survivor who went through the horrible experience of abuse and is trying to re-build their life. Power to you!
I'm a survivor of psychological, emotional, and spiritual abuse by my mother and her adult friends. I was isolated as the family scapegoat and got out recently. I'm still struggling to make sense of what happened. But I am moving forward into the unknown. I am discovering myself. Part of this is to be a listener on 7 Cups. Even though I am a natural, I have trouble with people because I was isolated and abused. 7 Cups is helping me by letting me help others. As I am compassionate with them, I can be softer on myself. I am excited at my rapid progress to find myself. I would like to help others learn about abuse that is not physical and how it can do a lot of damage but there is healing out there.
@brave910bunny
Thank you for sharing this with us @brave910bunny...I think to tell your story is helpful for you and an encouragement for others. Agree that this type of abuse is very damaging, but as you say you are a survivor who has got out and now making sense of this experience and finding your self. And it is so true... in being compassionate to others you can then be softer with your self... all part of healing. Really want to encourage you on this journey and offer support if you want a listening ear.
Hi, I'm just saying hi as I'm also a survivor. I have found talking with others helps, hearing their stories and sharing tips etc. I also write and have become interested in women's rights too. I live in the UK
Hello.
I was in an emotionally, sexually and sometimes physically abusive relationship a couple of years ago. It lasted 10 months but it's left scars and impressions on me that will last a life time.
thank you for all these stories. I am hypnotherapist who has been through DV and took the Freedom Programme. What I learnt is that all my fears I had around telling others and survival came true but I got stronger as a survivor and the more people I help the better