Dissociative Identity Disorder

Remembering that validation is a key tool for members with dissociation, just being there can be the most important aspect of listening. Being comfortable with silence, as when members dissociate, it may be difficult for them to share, or they may be afraid of sharing for fear of judgement or disbelief.

Members may begin to share but then change their minds on sharing certain topics. In this case, assuring them that they may share whatever is comfortable for them, that this is their time to share. You may notice the member appears to be mature (or young) when they begin to share, but with time, the age appearance may change to a young (or older) person. Personality shift, from pleasant to fearful or angry, or other shifts may occur. They may ask permission to be here - or if you like kids. Talking about themselves in the 3rd person may occur.

Reassuring the member that it's okay to share whatever they need to share is so important. Not pushing, but just being there, even if in silence. If there's a lot of silence, it's okay to ask if they would prefer to talk about something light to relax a bit (such as music or hobbies), but if they do not, let them know you'll stay with them, and they can share when they are comfortable sharing again.

I hope this helps.

@Miracle

So with me, my husband pointed it out (we werent married yet). We were on the phone one night, I thought I had fallenasleep. After about the third time of this happening, I apologized AGAIN for falling asleep, he said, I talked to someone that wasnt you.

I was like, Um. What? And he said, You have a little inside you. Ive been talking to her. And he proceeded to tell me about the one we now call Lilly.

Shortly after Lilly, another showed up. It took him a bit to see her. But eventually he said, I see you. When she said that of course you see me, he said, No. I SEE YOU. I just dont know who you are.

With that one, Britney, I wasnt completely blacked out like I had been with Lilly. B would take over but leave me there just enough to watch, like the body was a car, she was the driver, and I was in the back seat tied up and gagged, but I could see and hear, just not control.

After meeting B, he could go back and point out times when shed bern out before. Same with the few times L had peeked out briefly.

Each time someone not me, came forward he treated her with compassion and respect, and was very loving and gentle when he told me about them.

Thank you for bringing this up. Quite important points. Dissociation is a coping skill - it is something the mind does, and there is no blame for this.

Not only is it not our fault but we don't know what "they" are doing and it comes down to we don't know who we are anymore. It is very difficult to have no idea what you did all day and frustrating when some part of you has conversations with your therapist that you have no idea about.

I'd like to talk to someone who knows about DID. I'm new to it and have questions that my therapist hasn't been able to answer so I understand.

If anyone is interested in chatting, please let me know as I need help

@Bri

I am a clinical psychologist in training, specialising in trauma and dissociation.

The first part of what you said is incorrect when it relates specifically to DID. DID happens due to repeated experiences of child abuse and neglect from a VERY early age, with the cut-off age being 8 or 9. There are no documented cases of children who develop DID after being chronically abused from the age of 8 or 9 onwards.

Typically, people who struggle / live with DID develop primary dissociative defence mechanisms due to emotional or physical neglect and sexual abuse. In the most extreme cases, it can result from ritual (cult) abuse and trauma-based "mind control." They resort to rejecting their present reality and distancing themselves from it by de-realising and de-personalising. In due time, with enough traumatisations, distinct identities to the self begin forming (due to failure to integrate experiences). These "identities" are otherwise refered to as alters or altered states of consciousness.

Typically, people with DID also suffer from depression and anxiety, but more notably Complex (i.e., Chronic) PTSD and in many cases, unresolved grief.

@illy458 - that's a lot to bear, friend. I would tell you - and add to this thread in general - that meditation and hypnosis both have helped people access deeper levels of consciousness. Research has shown that weekly therapy sessions are beneficial, but I personally think that that depends on the personalities of the seeker and the therapist. Of course, it also depends on what's available to you in your town.

You're not alone - as everyone keeps pointing out, and it really is true. It also might be helpful to know, however, how that particular form of trauma has effected you personally. For that, the internet is your friend (maybe start with the American Psychological Association https://www.apa.org/about/index.aspx).

Write when you can, and know that behind these words are real people with real hearts that care about you. Hope that helps.

Dear Lily,

"I can't access my grief most of the time, and discussing it with a doctor I sound like I'm talking about the weather."

Your words are very insightful. The above comment felt like a kick to the chest. You have managed to convey something most people will never find the words for. You are very strong. It sounds like you would qualify for Disability. I know it is no one's first choice but it may help you temporarily so you can dedicate yourself to your healing? Best wishes!

@cee15 - Happy Holidays to you.

I know this is a tough issue to deal with. Feeling out of control and not know what is going on half the time it sounds like. Feel free to send a chat. Listeners can't offer advice - we don't know what is best for another individual. We can listen, help you find the answers for you, and find resources that might help. But you are the one who knows you best.

Take gentle care.

It sounds like you're in a really difficult place right now. It's good that you've found a place where you can share. If you need a listening ear, feel free to send a chat.

I think you found a good place to be. The people here are really nice. I've found them helpful. I too am scared of who is inside me yet it makes sense if I take the time to listen to the people on here and my therapist. It is still hard because it means what I've discovered really happened. I am working on learning how to communicate with mine. I hope you find what you are looking for and can heal.

Hey, there. We're a system of eight full alters and three fragments, I suppose. Had to do some digging to find a DID thread! I (host) had been repressing my DID and multiplicity for a long time and it is now blowing up with the start of my psychotherapy (which statistically is quite a common trigger). Our therapist, like many others, refers to integration in juxtaposition to recovery. But isn't repression and actively trying to stuff those other people back inside just forceful integration? If you've broken a vase and glue the pieces together it's not the same vase!

For me this 'coming out' of my DID has been both helpful and harmful, but it does clarify a whole bunch of things. I guess my main suggestion for you is to consider whether everyone inside is actually mad - what if it's just what you have been conditioned to believe? After all, Dissociative Identity Disorders and other disorders in the dissociative spectrum are in essence developmental disorders. Dissociation is a coping mechanism used by ayet to fully develop brain. Everything that was created or wiped out or forgotten or distorted was and is for a reason.

A repressive environment is poisonous. It is so very understandable that you want to keep the 'rest of the gang' so to speak inside when around others. But you need an environment for them to be out. Maybe 7Cups is a good place for that, maybe another place is better.

We have made friends with fellow multiples mostly through tumblr. The DID community is something so marvelously intricate and special. Knowing others of the same predicament has helped us a system immensely.

The best advice we were given from a friend was to make a chart of your inner world and alters. Connections, names (if it is appropriate for you), ages, genders, possible origins, species, fictives/factives, moments of amnesia. There is a surprising amount of information and support to be found.

You got this!

I am sorry you think you have DID too. I find it hard to swallow myself. My therapist says the first step is acceptance and some days I find it hard to accept but I know it is true. They are most likely wanting to make sure you are stable before digging into the hard stuff. Talk to your therapist. Ask them what your dx is. Ask them what they know about DID. Ask them if they have had DID pts before. It is your treatment and you deserve the best. If this therapist isn't the one then try another but talk first. Your therapist usually has your best interest in mind. I went through a few before I found a good match. You have to feel safe with them which takes time. I wish us all the best in trying to feel safe. I struggle with that too.

@Miracle

The incidence of dissociation immediately following trauma is very high. The International Society for the Study of Dissociation reports that approximately 73% of individuals exposed to a traumatic event will experience a dissociative state during the incident or up to a few weeks following. For most people this will resolve on their own.

In my opinion, self-education is always a plus for any survivor. If someone shares they are having symptoms of dissociation, but they don't necessarily call it that, and they want help to understand it or to cope with it or it is bothering them, providing a referral or link would be appropriate to grounding techniques or basic information about their symptoms such as PTSD or dissociation if those are the symptoms they are describing. I rarely go straight to a resource on dissociation that only addresses DID, but rather a resource that addresses the continuium of dissociation as there are so many degrees of dissociation, and I can't diagnose where someone is online.

As a listener, my role is to listen and help them figure out what is going on. Asking questions... for example, asking a survivor how they feel about the "spacey" feeling they are experiencing. If they seem in distress, I check in a bit more often with them. Above all though, my job is to validate them where they are right now, and to help them with what they are asking help for right now. I may ask questions to explore where they are thinking about things, like have they talked to their therapist about this symptoms of dissociation (or whatever term they refer to it as). If their child part is talking to me, then I accept that for where they are. They apparently need to talk, and I'm okay with that. I don't ask for an adult to come talk to me.

Having a survivor communicate in a child-like manner isn't necessarily a sign of DID. Some survivors regress a bit after trauma and need more support as if they are a younger person than an older adult. It's okay. They are where they are. Because there are too many factors to really see what's going on online, I just accept where each individual is, and let them tell me there story. I work to help them with what they need then and there, and while I remember what we've talked about for future chats as needed and will draw from those for resources (such as encouraging them on progress they've made in coping), I really just want to be here to help them through this horribly difficult journey.

I hope this answers your question on my thoughts of helping.