How’s your Headspace?
One aspect of having DID/OSDD/etc that's often talked about is the "headspace" or the "inner world" where alters reside and can interact with one another while not up front.
Thing is, I have next to no visual/concept of the headspace. I'm not sure if this is a result of me (the host) being relatively new to the idea of being a system, or just generally being very poor at visualization. (I think they call it aphantasia?) Inner communication, to the level where I can access it, is more like everyone having walkie talkies than being in a room together. Needless to say, it isn't really helping with the impostor syndrome.
Does anyone else have experience with this?
(Also, feel free to use this thread to talk about the layout/feel of your inner world! I can live vicariously through you haha)
Thank you for sharing that with us here.
@chamomilechat
Sometimes internal communication is good with us and sometimes it's horrible. For us it is like feeling or hearing thoughts inside that don't seem like yours and sometimes scary if I don't know who that part is who is communicating
I don't think all the parts I know have access to all of the headspace. Some places in the headspace are locked for some parts for our own safety. It's also difficult to access it sometimes. It seems pushed back very far sometimes and not very developed sometimes. But the headspace is the exact opposite of our childhood home and it feels like the only place to be safe in. No where else is safe
I agree with nonethewiser that everyone's experiences are so different and unique and that all of them are valid
I can't stress this enough that all your feelings and experiences are very valid. The idea of having an inner headspace and better communication can be very hard
Ann
@chamomilechat
I can't really access a visualization of my inner world and it seems the only way I can communicate and know who is communicating is by writing. It's frustrating. I'm also quite bad at visualization in general.
Hey @chamomilechat,
From talking to older alters of my system, it seems we used to be nameless and live in a dark nebulous space with only voices, before we got bodies and names. To be honest I feel sceptical about the outside world being real at times, since I used to not be able to see or interact with it until recently.
Every experience is valid, and it's every reported experience that makes up the average. Every cat is a cat, no matter how different it looks.
I don't know what the entire inner world looks like, but I know that there are a few locations. I used to live in a very dark and depressing place in there (I won't go into detail what happened there), but once the host started meeting more and more of us during their therapy process, they decided to make a cabin for us all to meet at. I think some of the others used to live in different areas, and I know that there are areas only the librarian can access, such as the library.
I also know our host is a very visual person, so I don't know why it was dark and empty for so long. I also don't know how gravity works, I just know I experience it most of the time.
- Eli
@chamomilechat
Hello! I also relate a lot to what you've said. Hosts naturally have very little to no access to the innerworld/headspace, so I do think it's not at all uncommon to experience this. It's just part of being a host, because hosts are who the brain especially does not want to know about what's going on. It can be very confusing and frustrating, I understand. Maybe over time things can change and get easier regarding this and I hope for the best for you. 
I know a few systems who cannot visualize their headspace, though this isn’t my own experience. I also know people who don’t really have an inner world. Our inner world is very big and elaborate personally. It’s like a while other world. Though I haven’t personally seen a lot of it
