Trauma & DIssociation
Sometimes individuals who have experienced psychological or physical trauma, also experience some form of dissociation, either intially or long term. There can be many traumas that can cause dissociation - witnessing a violent action in front of you, being abused or sexually assaulted, having a medical procedure done unexpectedly or with complications, and so on. Some individuals experienced multiple traumas or ritual type traumas where the trauma started at one point and occurred over a significant length of time.
Dissociation can be in multiple levels, from short term dissociation around the time of the trauma, to complex dissociation, known as Dissociative Identity DIsorder (previously Multiple Personality Disorder). If you're willing to share, here are some questions to get our discussion going.
For those of you who have experienced dissociation at one degree or another after trauma, what have you found the most difficult?
How has dissociation helped you get through your trauma?
What have you been doing to cope with your dissociation?
What healthy coping skills have worked best to help you cope and ground yourself when you are dissociating?
I'd love to hear from you and your experiences.
If I'm with my therapist
My therapist and I have tried different techniques in dealing with my dissociation. Sometimes she would start to talk to me about something different, something safe (like my cat for example), and not expect me to talk back, but just keep talking until I come back.
Sometimes she would tell me to just listen to her voice and she would only tell me that I am not alone, that she is there with me and that she can see me. Again, she wouldn't expect me to talk back and she would use a very gentle voice.
Sometimes she would take my hand in hers (she would always warn me before she does that), she would do it very slowly and won't force my fingers open but just hold her hands around my fist if I've clamped up. She would ask me if I can feel the warmth and pressure of her hands. I won't talk back but can sometimes manage a nod.
Never insist on making eye contact!
If I'm on my own
This might sound counterintuitive but my therapist and I have actually found that sometimes the best way to deal with dissociation is to stop fighting it. This is mainly what I do when I am on my own. I deal with it with mindfulness and acceptance. The more I try to fight it, the more it fights back. So I accept it. I am mindful/aware of the fact that I am unaware or dissociated and I just let it be without judgement. Don't argue with reality, it is what it is. Just let it be. It won't stay. It will go away again. It will pass. Until then just let it be. This is what helps me.
@Chiaroscuro1
You write so beautifully. Thank you for sharing. Both versions - with your therapist and by yourself sound so peaceful. I love mindfulness. Your therapist sounds so awesome and supportive. I'm so glad you have her.
I'm glad you're here to share with us your experience. :) Hope the rest of your week is great.
@KristenHR - Thank you for your kind words. Yes, my therapist is really great and I feel very privileged to have her. Hope you have a good week too 
.
Thank you for this forum!
@Starlite
So glad you found us here. :) Please join in as you are comfortable.
After years of thinking I was just bad or broken somehow and that everyone feels that way at some point, I fell across the symptoms of Depersonalization disorder. I was actually relieved to know I wasn't going crazy. This isn't a good place to be and I just need to hear from someone anyone else that has this to help me do whatever it is I need to to maybe fix me.
@Dpd2255
You clearly weren't bad or broken. There are many who dissociate but don't lose memories - just struggle to stay in their body - like looking in from outside, or seeing themselves differently than they are. I do hope that others with depersonalization will respond to your post. There are so many types of dissociation.
Glad you're here, sharing and seeking support.
@Dpd2255 - I have experienced different kinds of dissociation. I remember sometimes just feeling weird, like I'm in a dream. And I remember often looking at the people around me and thinking "I wonder if they can see me."
@Dpd2255 I echo Kristenhr's reply to you. You are not bad, nor broken. Dissociation on whatever end of the spectrum is a way of coping, depersonalisation, derealisation, etc and I hope that others who can identify with what you have posted do read your post and are able to make you feel your not on your own and I am glad too that you found this forum. :)
I think that dissociation is most valuable to me because I stop feeling. A few of my others have little to no emotion, which means they are very analytical and that comes in handy during very stressful situations. The most difficult part of it is that two of them keep the memories of the event, so I cant remember what happens if one of them happens to take the wheel. That can be very frustrating. I am very fortunate in that most of them are linked to specific tasks or emotions, so coping isnt that difficult. I cases of extreme stress, I find that I blink in order to divert it from happening. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesnt, but either way I will be okay.
@littleVase4430
Thank you for sharing your experience. I found that you can sometimes divert switching by blinking. Perhaps that is a tool that others may find helpful to try as well.
One of the most difficult things for me about dissociation, is that people in the general public doesn't really understand it. So, if I get hit by a bad dissociation episode in public, people don't know what to do and I can't communicate and I feel... I think it is an uncomfortable situation for everyone involved.
Another thing that is very difficult for me is when I happen to dissociate around Christians. I have nothing against Christians or against prayer. But it is really difficult for me when they try to pray me out of my dissociation and telling me I have demons inside me. It just makes me want to withdraw more.
A third thing that really hurts me is when people believe my dissociation is mere manipulation and that I can switch it on or off as I like. Or that there is no dissociation, but just manipulation. That hurts me.
@Chiaroscuro1
Dissociation is not manipulation, and many who dissociate in public can relate I'm sure. I hope they will respond and share their experiences and coping.
Thank you for sharing this. Dissociation is not demonic. Some Christians may think that if there is something different, there is one Some think that exorcism is the way to cure dissociation. It's not. That's not to say there may be some rare rare rare situation where there could be truth to something going on, doesn't mean the dissociation is the issue. There is too much stigma - hopefully over time there will be more awareness and help available in the Christian community for those traumatized, for those suffering from depression, and other issues that they don't understand will become a place of solace. I speak freely of this being a Christian, and having experienced what you have in my own life. Thankfully not all Christians are like this.
@Chiaroscuro1
@Chiaroscuro1
I understand. I have had someone try to do an exorcism on me before... and it was an upsetting experience for me. (I let them, because I was feeling desperate). (It didn't help haha). Hugs 
@singercrystalspirit - I understand. I also used to let them and it has always been traumatic for me. But I've learned that I don't have to "let them" and I now keep myself safe from such experiences.
@Chiaroscuro1
I am a Christian and I understand what you are saying about the christian community. even the christain counseling community has fallen into the trap of believing that dissociation is demonic. I agree with whoever in this thread said that it is possible in a rare exception that someone coudl be possessed but not because they are dissociative. I am studying to be a christian therapist. In my studying about dissociation and trying to find good christain literature about the topic i have been disappointed. but i find it interesting that it is the people involved in deliverance ministries on a regular basis that are saying dissociation is not demonic. and the people who are christians but dont regualrly encounter the demonic that are saying its demonic. (did that make sense?) anyway as a christian myself I hope to fill in some of those gaps and put some literature out there that takes into account the process the brain goes through during trauma. I believe it doesnt take away from Gods work in a person's life at all. instead it highlights for me his amazing design of the brain. I think that dissociation is a gift from God to help us survive. It becomes maladaptive but initially it is a gift. I personally was involved in a 'deliverance' experience 20 years ago. it made my parts go into hiding. but they never went away. Now at age 40ish i am facing my dissociation in its entirety. I believe if it had been handled properly 20 years ago i could have possibly avoided an abusive marriage and would have had many more years of healing behind me by now. so i think the deliverance response is not only wrong but can be very harmful. thankfully I understand now and have a great christian community of therapists and pastors and friends helping me.
@copingwithtrauma
It's unfortunate that you experienced this. I know others who have had deliverance sessions where parts went into hiding. Thanks for bringing this up. I'm glad you are surrounded by a good support system now.
@KristenHR
There are definitely Christians who do not believe dissociation is demonic . Im grateful for that. Even the non christian community acknowledges how a 'higher power' can dramatically aid in healing from trauma. So as a Christ follower I would hope that we have more immidiate resources and not have our communitity detract from our healing instead. Hopefully as more people are educated about the brain and how God designed it, Christian pastors and counselors can offer a right understanding of these things and spiritual support in the same place.
@copingwithtrauma - I am also 40ish and a Christian. It seems clear that there are circles or communities where there is more knowledge and understanding and those where there are less. I also think it's paramount that those who do understand and have the ability should explain and empower and teach those who do not understand. The sad thing though, is that you can only teach a person who is willing to listen, who is open to hearing something new or different. I was absolutely horrified yesterday when I read a bit about the DSM-5 diagnostic criteria for DID and saw that they included a phrase about it feeling like you are posessed precisely because so many Christians have been in situations where parts have been attacked as demons. It saddens me deeply.
@Chiaroscuro1
Yes I hear you! I read that in the DSM as well. But I guess having first hand experience with DID (and not actually being possess) it coudl be described sometimes as feeling possessed. Sometimes i am aware of my parts but not in control and it feels like someone else climbed into my body and it controlling it (and they sort of did, just not from the outside) which is i guess what feeling possesed would mean. But I hear you the roots of that language are from people mishandling the issue and sadly often times making things worse for some people. I believe people with did definitely do need the Lord to help them. to heal them. to give them insight. but id say almost all of the people who have did are not possesed. sorta adds insult to injury. they have parts because of Trauma. and those parts hold very real issues. that need healing. calling them messengers of Satan is not helpful.
@copingwithtrauma
I am a Christian and in my 40s. I can relate as well.....
I have had people tell me to repent of loving my demons and needing to be delivered. I did not know at the time I had DID. I knew I heard voices that sounded like my own. I could suddenly switch and become extremely scared or outraged out of nothing. I was observing but I could not do anything. People told me my eyes changed to another color. I did think I was possessed. Deliverance prayer just triggered the worst in me.
I left the church I was in and went to another one where they understand more about alters.
I recently found out I have DID. It is still a bit shocking to me. Some parts are non Christians, makes it hard sometimes.
I don't think parts are demonic. I do believe that demons can attach themselves to trauma. Most parts are traumatized and vunerable to demons. Does that make sense?
@MaschaV
yes that makes sense. my diagnosis is relatively new as well. within the last 6-8 months. its kind of overwhelming sorting through all of it but this place has been very helpful! im glad you are here and im glad you have the right diagnosis now and can start healing!
@copingwithtrauma thanks. I am just getting used to the idea. It is not always easy. But this place helps a lot. I regognize a lot and I feel less crazy. I still don't like it though.... but there is a positif in all this. If we are healed up and all parts are integrated or working together we must be some super human! With more talents and gifts then any other (normal) person. That is something to look forward to 
@KristenHR
It was kind of ironic to stumble across this thread today. I have been doing quite a lot of introsepction in the last couple of days, and I had actually just realized that ( I think) disassoication has been a roadblock with me in therapy and I didn't even realize I was doing it! So, thank you for writing this!
For those of you who have experienced dissociation at one degree or another after trauma, what have you found the most difficult?
This is a hard question. There are so many challenges, but the one that is really on my mind today is how it keeps me from ever really working through it in therapy. I have talkes about what happened, but it was like I was telling a story about something that happened to someone else. I think because I never personalize it, I never move on.
Another thing, is I spent so much of my life disassociating just to make it through a day, that now, I often feel as though I am not able to experience life. I am stuck on auto pilot, and there are too many times when I look back over a day or week and have no idea what I said or did.
How has dissociation helped you get through your trauma?
Being the oldest child and the firercly protective person I am, disassocitating was how I got through every moment. I was able to run on auto pilot and block out all emotion. Then, I could console and shelter my younger siblings. Also, when everything got too much I was able to once again, for lack of better words, run on auto pilot.
What have you been doing to cope with your dissociation?
I had spoken with my therapist about this a while back, but it wasn't something we talked about at great lengths.... I didn;t really realize how much I was still doing it. However, now that I am aware of it, I plan to talk to her about it! Until then, I plan to work on mindfulness and just in generally being more aware of whether or not I am driving down my path of life or running on auto-pilot. I hope that , perhaps, I am right, and that by overcoming this, I will be able to finally work on truly moving on.
@SmileYoureWorthIt
Great responses. I'm so happy to hear you are working forward. I'm glad you have a therapist you can talk to. It helps a lot, that I found very true.
I love that you plan to use mindfulness. What an awesome tool!
@SmileYoureWorthIt your description of your experience of dissociation sounds familiar to mine. It almost seems like I had so many layers upon layers of trauma that there was so much hyperarousal building up in my system every day and just becoming a normal part of my functioning that I didnt notice what was going on. I just kept pushing through thinking everything was situational and if I can just make it through this Ill be ok without getting proper support or practising adequate self care. But it seems like once I hit my breaking point , something shut down and there was no room to add any more to the pile so my body and mind retreated to my worst trauma experience where I dissociated in that one moment and I started having regular episodes of this happening. My emotions became numb all the time. I would have days where I felt like I was in a bubble, detached or in a show. My balance would be off as would my depth perception. I saw neurologists and other specialists who told me I was having atypical migraines and it took 2 years before I clued in that it was probably linked to my trauma and once I underwent extensive assessments from a mental health perspective came out with a diagnosis of PTSD and had to leave my job. Ive been doing a lot of work with a specialized trauma / PTSD psychologist on learning to reconnect with my actual feelings. I dissociate to a much lesser degree now and am starting to recognize triggers
I had a therapist recommend I get a book that talks about dissociation. I can't think of many concrete examples of times I think I dissociated... I do know that a lot of times I have had the belief that I wasn't actually a real person. I do know that there are things I can't seem to remember (although lately I have been having more memories). *shrugs* just wanted to put something here.
@singercrystalspirit
Do you want to share the name of the book? I'd be interested in knowing which one it is if you are comfortable.
So glad you are here and sharing!
@KristenHR
Sure It's called coping with trauma related dissociation by Suzette boon
my therapist also recommended a book called 8 keys to safe trauma recovery by Babette Rothschild
@singercrystalspirit
Thanks much. I'll have to look into them :)
@singercrystalspirit @KristenHR
If it is this book, this is the one we plan to use for the forum self help workbook group :)
@dancingRainbow45
Oh my gosh. It is. When is this group happening?
@singercrystalspirit We have delayed the start of this group due to a lot of the trauma team being on self care right now so we want to make sure we have enough people around to start this new self help group within the forums. Once things are more stable with the team members, then I will make an announcement so everyone will know what book they need to get, and we will set a date to begin this. It will happen once a week at a set time, members will read a few pages each week and then we will come back together to discuss and also to share the homework exercises contained within this book so we will announce it :)
@dancingRainbow45
Great 😊 Thank you.
@singercrystalspirit No worries :)
@dancingRainbow45
Has this group all ready happened or is it happening now can I join
@sunnyTortoise1881 Hi Sunny The group is now running but people need to get the book prior to joining, either by purchasing or from a library and let me know and then you can be added to the tag list and can then start the group. Your more than welcome to join the group once you have the book, but it is a closed group until then
@dancingRainbow45 I have this book & tried reading portions independently. Though it seems fantastic, really difficult to do alone. Great choice to do as a group. 😊
@survivetoalive Thanks Survive and yes its always better to do books like this with support or with a therapist. I know a lot of you have a counsellor or a therapist which is an added bonus. The aim of the group is that everyone does a couple pages at a time and we come back together to discuss, and also the worksheet sections would be done inbetween the meet up each week and again we come back together to go through it. Its helpful you have this book already. I know a lot of therapists working with clients with dissociation use this currently at least those I know. Its not a graphic indepth book so potentially less triggering and more a practical day to day book. Good to have your feedback on this :)
@KristenHR
Thanks :)
I would like to be part of the group studying "Coping with Trauma-related dissociation". Can someone tell me how I can be included when that starts?
@copingwithtrauma HI Coping, I will get you the link for you to sign up your interest to join this self help workbook group. I will let everyone know when this starts so they have the time to get the book we will be using but we need a few of our team back before venturing on with this group :) https://www.7cups.com/forum/TraumaticExperiencesCommunity_60/TraumaRecoveryResources_481/ForumSelfHelpWorkbookGroup_75546/
@dancingRainbow45 I would really like to be part of this group too! But its probably already started?
@purpleWest8143 Its not to late to start but we are asking all those who wish to take part, to let us know so we can add your name to the tag list and giving people time to get the workbook needed to be parft of the group whether buying this online or getting from a local library. As soon as you have the book, Coping with Trauma Related Dissociation by Kathy Steele, Onno van der Hart, and Suzette Boon, if you can let us know that would be great :)
@dancingRainbow45 where do I let you know when Ive gotten the book and then sign up for the group?
@purpleWest8143 If you post in this thread, then I can add you to tag list and just let us know there when you get the book https://www.7cups.com/forum/TraumaticExperiencesCommunity_60/TraumaRecoveryResources_481/ForumSelfHelpWorkbookGroup_75546/ :)
@dancingRainbow45 ok thank you. I
@dancingRainbow45 books on the way! Should have by the 17th
@purpleWest8143 Great :) good to hear that :)
@dancingRainbow45 I️ got the book already! It arrived today 😉 can you please add me to the group now 😊
@purpleWest8143 Sure Purple, what I suggest with the book is not to read it yet, as what we plan to do is have set pages everyone reads during the week and then we come together as a group to discuss these, and to answer questions and when we get to the self help sheets these will be done between sessions. Although the book is less triggering than many self help books, its good if you can all start from scratch :) I have posted only a short time ago in the other link I gave you to say that once my co host is back from leave, we will be starting this group :)
Im just starting how much i disassociated through out much of my childhood,teens, and young adult ages. I knew i would block certain things out or completely show no emotion at all because emotion ment getting noticed or seen. Im just starting down this path to face down my childhood traumas. Im so scared and i cant do this alone. I have no freinds who can be here for me emotionally. No one knows how to deal with me. No one knows what to say or do to help me. It makes me feel completely worthless, like im not worth their time or energy. Just started to try and find a therapist i like, that can be my guide, but i have yet to find one.
@Quantumspacedust
Starting with everything is scary. This is a new endeavor and that is a difficult journey, but one that on the other side is quite rewarding to have moved through it all. I do hope you will find a therapist that is perfect for you and will know how to best help you through your traumatic experiences. Hang in there while you go through this process of therapist hunting. In my experience, it is definitely worth finding the right one, even if you have to try two or three to get to that best match.
I have been having an unusual occurrence of dissociation develop since Wednesday as memories surface related to a place. I first notice dissociation as a wave of sensation sweeping from my scalp, across my face, and down my body, tingling and numbness. As the dissociation grows with the shock of realization of a memory that takes me back in time, I feel the gulf of separation between my present self and my young self. I am in this dissociation and this triggering house now, and will be here for 2 more days. I have noticed that I have left a stove burner on for an hour accidently. It's harder to think. Harder to concentrate, take in and remember data. I feel a physical tumbling down a vortex. When I am able to do grounding and mindfulness, this tumbling feeling ceases. When dissociated, I bump into furniture and counters. And my bad coping skills, of drinking, kick in if I become comepletely overwhelmed. I lose items in the same room, sometimes in plain sight. I apologize I have forgotten what your questions are. Panic and suicidality can be components depending on the triggers. Btw, I am 54 yrs old.