This week strugles
TW// Rape, attemting sucide, SA
This past week I am really struggling. I am trying to get into more therapy groups. But at least for now, I only have my normal therapy, where she is not trained for trauma work. So it's just chatting. Which is nice, but not helpful in the the big picture.
School has been really triggering this past week. They keep mentioning rape, and attemting sucide in class. Which I have been through both... It has gotten soo hard to get through each day at school. I don't look or talk with anyone. I used to chat with a couple people at lunch, but this week I find a corner, get on 7cups, and cry.
I am fighting with myself a lot with trying to not call or text the one person that I should never contact again... But I miss him.... I don't know how to hate him, and I know I should after everything... He SA'd me for 3+ years. He minipulated me too. So my mind is soo twisted, and I blame myself most of the time still. I finaly reported him in end of June, so it has been a couple months. But I miss him. He was the only one that I felt like he cared about me. He was there for me through a lot. My home life was a mess, so I could talk to him. I trusted him. I shared everything with him. I felt comforatble with him. Even after each time. He would appoligize. He made me feel that I could say no, but in reality I couldn't unless I wanted to lose the relationship, and I really needed out and away from my parents as much as posibible. My parents trusted him, so I would travel with him for months at a time, all over the country.
I have a hard time trusting anyone now, since the people that I tired to trust, or people in my life that should have been people that I should have been able to trust. I couldn't.
I feel like a messed up kid, that can't heal. I don't want to give up, but it is getting soo hard lately... I have no one in-person that I can actully talk to, and it is tearing me apart. But I don't know how to trust anyone else...
*Hugs for anyone that wants them!!!*
Everyone deserve hugs if they want. I personally don't remember the last time I was hugged, but I love all the hugs I get on 7cups!!!
@Pickoff
I'm so sorry to hear this, I can't imagine how hard everything has been for you.
I want you to know that your really strong for talking about this, even just a little. I know it must not have been easy.
Your not alone and your feelings are valid.
Your doing an amazing job, I know things seem hard right now but don't give up. I believe in you.
I know we don't know each other very well, but im here if you ever need someone to talk to.
Please take care of yourself, you matter more than you know. (:
Thank you so much!!!💗 I appreciate your words a lot!!!❤️❤️❤️
@Pickoff
Ofc ofc (:
I'm proud of you for not giving up.
Raps you in the biggest hug crying with you and rubbing your back 💓
Oh honey I can't imagine how much pain you must be in, I have been in those shoes with both situations it makes me happy that you don't want to give up! Your not messed up though and if you are you are not alone I'm messed up too.😄 We can be two messed up people trying to make it through this harsh world together! 🌏 Our trauma does not define who we are or how strong we are, I think you are very very strong and strong enough to talk to us. I hope your keeping up with your grades and are having a good beginning of your school year!🏅 Remember your voice is always heard one way or another ❤️ and you taking action to protect yourself from danger is very courageous. 💓 Continue to wear your heart on your sleeve and keep it open and full of love!
Sending lots of hugs and positivity your way dear 💓
Thank you so much!!! Your words are so kind and wonderful! I appreciate the hugs Soo much!!!
