A Raven's Eye

@SpruceRaven

Answers and new questions

To be honest I'm just waiting for you to post about all those topics before I really answer :) I don't wanna interrupt you and postpone it even more and see you fly away before you could even answer my old questions..

edited by Rain45 For not complying with the Trauma Community Guidelines on posting

Answers and new questions, etc.

@lonelyandsickFede

I am definitely working on answering those other questions. You have been so VERY patient! So! I was pretty sure re the name of your friend and where I might find her. Not sure of the company... but I'll keep it in mind.

Did you get my references? e.g. I might be "reborn" as say "FiachrewanderingYoti.... Or something to do with "Ailim" which is Spruce tree in Irish Gaelic. I thought I had heard definitvely back from Tech Support a.k.a. Communitiy Support here that a) they were willing to change my name and delte my threads. They DID change my name but precipitously. ....So now the name of "CobaltCoyote" is no longer viable to my way of thinking. Though perhaps I am overstating the power of my presence (rueful and embarrassed or sheepish smile) and how much anyone might or might not notice. So my intention was to keep my account but come back as it were under a new name. Now they are telling me that they don't want to delete my threads along with the replioes to my threads and that they are uncertain about giving me a name change. So! I might just have to completely deactivivate the profile and open a new one. I didn't want to do that because I wanted to keep my Path Progress and be able to keep some Follers and my Listeners, as well as some of my Feed. .... The reason I wanted them to delete ALL my threads and responses to any posts of mine was that I felt .... especially after what happened AGAIN on another thread recently.... i felt the name had become tainted and that other than you and Daisy I would not be seen without prejudice. .... That being said.... I am inclined to come back much differently.... Quieter... (Though the downside to that is that it resembles all the ways I had to hide and cut myself to fit or wasn't allowed to be myself ... or have my safety and needs valued....before)

Anyway! OF COURSE I want to stay connected! I never want to lose you! Even if it came to be that we weren't able to communicate as often.... I would still want to keep and continue to build our friendship and have conversations with you. I need you to have faith in that even if I am gone for awhile. Especially since I may have some IRL stuff I need to concentrate on to keep myself ... upright. so to speak.

Re: the German sentence before. I was asking if you thought I had comported myself with integrity. So! Bummer! I was thinking we could maybe write to each other in German in the future. . I was thinking we could do that without always having to use the Gray. (I think if a post is entirely in the gray, then people would be more tempted to read it.

How about Italian? Or Spanish?

Somewhat off topic, In terms of my travels to Italy, I've been in the North a bit, incl. along the Swiss Border. And then in terms of cities, I've visited Roma, Firenze, Napoli, Venezia and Brindisi.

@lonelyandsickFede

Hey Fede.... the library where I am writing to you from is about to close. So I need to shut this down. I'll talk about my story in an hour or so. I still have mixed feelings about staying here.

When I asked that all my threads and posts be deleted when I leave, I had someone request that they be able to keep the info.... especially other people's "thoughtful replies"..... :-=((((( Even though most if not all of what I have shared with others here has been supportive of others and positive and nonjudgemental...... And I've had some amazing Listeners. I'm not really there is entirely the support I need here. There still seem to be a lot of cliques and alot of meanness running around. And THAT seems to be allowed. Go figure!

@lonelyandsickFede

So! I'll be back in 2.5 hours. Go ahead and go to sleep if you like or write what you like. I thought to write my story in the gray.... because it's painful and these diaries are just one more public forum where anyone and everyone can comment. But now I don't care. I'll give you the whole story as cleanly as I can. I'm close to handling things in a new way which I'll talk to you about later too.

and now i"m in trouble with the librarian. :-00 LIfe sucks.

@SpruceRaven

You know, Raven. I think we should fly away together. We're not welcome on this place anyway. It really sucks that I couldn't have a nice last conversation with you without having interruptions and reports over someone misreading one single line of a post. We set the text as gray just to show other members it was all private, in hope they'd honor that agreement, knowing well mods and admins would be able to see it too, but hey.. Can't mention one friend without having this, so there you go. Shall we just leave?

Yeah. I think so. Time to fly away.

I've veen pm'ed by a mod and probsvly have some sort of black mark now.

Overall we were both just trying to stay safe from harm, no? And rise above and find the lessons in things even when the rug got pulled out from under us again. We knew all along the mods were reading everything...as they should. No conspiracy or anything. Just trying to help eqch other. We didnt do anything wrong and I'll stand by that.

------

It sucks too that other people here can be cliqueish, cruel/judgemental and reactive and have other people flock to their aid as well as not get flagged....

I'll share my full story with you as well as as the shift in focus I intend to make....which somewhat aligns with one you've already made and keep doing your best to practice every day. I can keep references to your chpice gray still if you like.

As for my story...i don't care.

I'll share it with you and some of what i had hoped to find and be involved with at 7 Cups...then I'm outta here.

I supppse the silver lining is I no lpnger need to worry about namechanges or anything else.

So... for tonight ..which is your early morning. I'll just write offline and start deleting my feed etc. I'll post a bunch of stuff by your late evening on the 5th.

You're a rockstar Fede and you saved my heart and my mind when I thought there was no hope nor kindness left.

See you tommorrow my dear friend. Until then Huuuuge safe warm and comforting feathery hugs to you.

I'll see if i cant find some other cool nature pics for you too (ones I took) before I go.

@SpruceRaven

I'm sorry it had to end like this...

Please don't feel like you have to share your story, especially as no one seems to respect anything here. I really don't want you to leave with tears on your cheeks.

You're amazing and I'm truly glad I found you by chance. I hope we'll see each other somewhere someday. Hope you'll think of doing that thing we had talked about. For now, sleep well and good night See you tomorrow, my sweet friend!

@lonelyandsickFede

The rarest gift

Raven's.Story

@lonelyandsickFede

I'll still share it with you, Fede. And then tslk about new focusses after that. I'll share ut eith ypu vecause it will be a claiming. And vecause I know you truly care. I'll share it with you vecause ypu won't think it's my fault nor try to get me to shut up too soon nor judge me. I'll share it with YOU... because somehow you are able to find something good in me; ...to see the best in me...perhaps even something salvageable in me...even when I am at my worst; at my lowest ebb....even when I can find no shred of it myself.

A recent Visitor

This was back in December...after we had a warm spell (warmish) and lost our snow.

edited by Rain45 Please use direct imgur link only