Im 21 year old, never was loved, guided, treated well, and now lost and on a verge of being homeless
I'm Kevin, this is my story. I'velived with my biological family for 13 years in the beginning of my life. In a child's age, i was clueless and so were my family, they couldnt raise me right and they only dwelled on my weaknesses as a child instead of raising me todevelop functional potential.As i grew,Theybecame selfish to me, one in particalur only cared about himself and his unsuccessful talent that i doubtfully be revealed to society, his my grandpa. Mymother(which i wished todeath i was never born from)was a corrupt theif, and a physcotic, desparate and addicted internet user. My sister who feels sorry for them, and is mind controlled by my mom(fake mom) and the rest of god knows what. This is how the story goes on, as i was growing to a middle school age, i was abused more emotionally, and physically, so i started to self-harm myself to signal for help. DSS came, and took me which i felt relieved but not for long. went to therreuputic fostering homes, put me in a family that i didn't enjoy, and smoked their ciggerites for hours everyday, so i knew consciously that they were fostering for a selfish reason. sec foster was the samebut deceitful, didn't provide me enough to eat. o and third, put me in another fostering home for a stuuppppid reason. she was such a freaking horrriblee person because she was to strictthat i didnt trust, i knew she was into no good(she was literally a illed crazy mean women). Fourth familywas a house full of wanna tough guy sons who treat me like im nothing, they smoke weed and cigs with their horrible influential mother. the father wanted to be changed by being a christian but failed to do so because of his families influence (yea the past just contradicts how you want to act to be changed). On school nights they would take me to dangerous neighbor hoods and visit some mean strangers , i had no choice ut to stay up, this family had lots of issues. now fitfth family was a family i adored, but i had trust issues because of my previous homes, they got hurt because of the hateful words i said"you just like the rest of the foster homes, yall doing this for the money". This culprit became tension, and a misgiving, the son especially was really angry and said that i was worthless and a low-life. When i first met him we were cool, but because of my wary behaviour this made him pissed. This only made the situation worse because i was angry of his words. so i rebelled by ignoring them, and this just made it more worse. After all the tension they started to be wary of me because they thought i was crazy anyway of mebeinga theuruputic foster teen. So they wanted to get rid of me, in a deceitful and cruel manner. They started being on nice mode for awhile which i knew they were pretending, the foster mom took me to wal-mart, bought me a "personal journal" and a security lock box to lock it away. she gave itall to me to keep" personally". Iwrote onthe journal for everthing i ever thought that was going through my head: personal erotic thoughts, what i thought about everything i was going through in life, and about them. I trusted because i thought they were being considerate and kind. But the security box had two keys in it, the other key was my personal key. So she tricked me to see what i was like and what i thought about them by invading my privacy. she called me all bunch of names , one them them were sex crazed and whatever. so after that i had a emotional break down, and they even had the tenacity to record my emotional moment. So once i knew that they did i started to self-harm. Soo... after a few days, they said i had to a appointment and talk to my case worker and other. It was true.. they lured me to a building that i thought i was suitable to get in. the two started to talk to me like i was a aqcaintant but at the same tricked me with kind words and left me in a mental hospital. they drugged me with the same pills. It was a horrible place.
Iam not crazy to the point of insanity. i was just misled in life. Now thiswas my sixth fosterhome after themental hospital.The family were good people, they provided for me, and i was fine for two years...until i decided to wean off my medicine, but couldnt because i was not allowed even while i was 19 because they were scared i was going to return to who i was. So i said goodbye. DSS couldnt provide me a place to live like independent living. So i thought i could go face my past(my family). I Lived there for 5 months and they were corrupt way more, they would make me do things to have shelter, and provoke me. I couldnt wean off my meds. So i set up a escape plan. go to jobcorps to wean off my meds.. so far im keeping track of my moods. Right now im afraid of the unknown, nobody to support me. The fear of being homeless. I just haveto cut everything i used to have and forget what i been through. i want to start a new life.
@PolevoyKev21 I read this and cried. You triggered me and I must tell you how.
I don't know your country but I am from the USA. My wife and I 3 years ago attempted to adopt out of foster care. We knew the situation, the rules, we knew what had to be done. We had no desire to be foster parents. We put in our time and money. What we got back from the system was about the same thing that you got. The people, for reasons I won't go into here, treat the kids like a number. They would lie to us, tell us things about the children and the family that were not true. The doctors would overmedicate and would just check off a box that says there was treatment. The reality is their only job was to drug the child to the point that they made it through the school day. That's a direct quote from a former social worker.
We gave up after 3 years of trying because we simply could not get honestly and respect for us, the child, or the process. The biggest issue was that there was no acceptable standard of conduct on DSS's part. If the child was still breathing, that was their standard and, truth be told, even if the child died, they would just blame the kid. It's a great living when you dont' have to meet any standards and can just blame the kid, the system, and a lack of funding. Funny, the shipload of rejects that ran our US Navy ship never had such excuses and such we maintained a very high standard. Just goes to show what kind of horrible things can happen when the foxes guard the henhouse.
But I want you to know this. You made it. You are here, alive, the trauma that you went through, all of it, didn't kill you. The only thing it can do is leave scars and a lot ot process, to be true, but it also made you stronger. It made you a person that is very observant and aware of the past and can process it at a level higher than anyone in the system would give you credit for. I also hope that it didn't kill the loving and compassionate person inside. I can feel it somewhere within you.
For now, to start a new life, I would advise this:
I would suggest you go to an INDEPENDENT, not state run, but INDEPENDENT shelter of some sort. These shelters are run by professionals that got fed up by DSS and other state run systems. If you must go to another area, then so be it. They are there to help. They are a godsend. Most importantly, they are NOT state run and since you are now an adult, you can thumb your nose at the state when they say those most dishonest of words "We're here to help."
Be your own advocate. I am telling you, once you get out from under the state's care, life can and will change for the better.
As far as 7cups, well, there are a LOT of people out here with similar pasts to yours, both as listeners and members, In this community, you will get support unlike any you have ever seen. Feel free to hit me up for a chat as well. I would be honored.
Take care!
The other thing I noticed was acceptance of your own faults and limitations. That is huge as it's much easier to say that you are perfect and everyone else is at fault. Love yourself, faults and all. In our case, my wife and I accept the shortcoming that we don't react well to being lied to or having someone trivialize a very important process in a child's life.
The fears you have, after rereading, is stuff related to how the state handled business. Job Corps is not the state DSS. They are quite a bit different and, in my estimation, much better. Own your weaknesses AND your strenghts. You are strong beyond your age and you will flourish, I can see that.
@BraveMortal - It's been quite some time since this post, but I wanted to check in on you and see how you are doing today. Wishing you the best!