Trouble trusting/believing in the good in new healthy relationship after emotional abuse in childhood
Hi all -
This is my first post here and has taken a lot of courage for me to be open about. For the majority of my childhood and into my adolescence and even teen years, I was viciously verbally abused by my father. I never knew when it would happen and it resulted in me always having to be on edge. I never knew when the love would be taken away and replaced by the rage, or when something hurtful was right around the corner.
I now, years later, am in a healthy relationship with a truly wonderful man who is there through every part of my healing journey. I just feel so much shame when I am triggered/seem to go backwards again. I have so much trouble trusting him, always think there’s something he’s hiding or doing and that I’m about to get hurt in some massive way (relating to my past). It is difficult for me to just believe he genuinely and wholeheartedly loves me and wouldn’t hurt me, and I have a hard time not letting those triggers take over my actions in the moment.
Can anyone relate to this/has anyone found any successful strategies in soothing those triggers or stopping the immediate reactions to them? Or also, in becoming more trusting of partners?
Thank you ❤️
@blueScarf4905
Thank you so much for sharing your story, that is courages!
I'm very sorry to hear about your rough childhood.
It's understandable that you now in adulthood have struggles with trusting, it takes a while to build that trust with someone because you experienced abuse from a loved one.
It takes time but you can work on that, you have build up a wall to protect yourself from any more hurt which is what alot of abuse survivors do.
have you talked to your partner about this? and that you feel ashamed of getting triggered? Communication is the key for alot of struggles and i know thats not easy.
@blueScarf4905 Thankyou for sharing your story. I was emotionally and physically abused as a child and now relationships are so hard for me. Trying to maintain a healthy relationship with anyone in much life often seems impossible. I am at the start of my healing journey and I know it will be hard but hopefully we can all get there together
@blueScarf4905
Hi,
I'm so sorry your going through this. Glad your here, 7 cups is an amazing support system, so many ppl here that care.
I too was emotionally and physically abused as a child and I walked on eggshells and lived my life in fear. My abuse was so severe I couldn't face it until my abuser died when I was 50. I started therapy and I've been going through all my abuse fallout. It's been rough because I never let anyone in and it's been really an alone life surrounded by ppl. Trust is the only way to connect. Your doing a great job going to therapy, sharing with your partner. It takes time just keep going and know you deserve all the best life has to offer. Your a beautiful person and not alone ....
I wasted 5 decades fearing to trust and it was such a waste.
Keep going -your brave and strong!
Best ABB 💜
Thank you for sharing. I relate to your troubles with trust, I struggle with the belief that all people are out to hurt me and I must remain ready and vigilant. It has caused stress for my partner and I, much like you have shared, it is difficult for me to accept that I am safe with them and they genuinely love me (due to past traumas).
It has just taken my partner and I time, being together for time longer than I have been able to build trust before. I am still struggling with not letting my triggers take over, it has been a difficult path towards feeling safe enough to communicate that I am triggered even when I do not have a clear explanation. I have found my partners patience with me to aid in trust building together.
