How Do I Tell My Parents? *trigger warning*
I was sexually assaulted a year and a half ago at a graduation party two days before graduation. For a long time I blamed myself and only recently have I come to terms that it wasn't my fault but I still have anxiety and flashbacks. I can barely pump gas by myself without freaking out when there are men at the next pump. All this time later my anxiety has been absolutely terrible and I think I'm ready to tell but I'm scared because they might think it's my fault. I've been taught what precautions to take and I didnt. Plus my dad, who was a cop for 20yrs, is probably going to want me to press charges and idk if I want to. I know it sounds dumb but if I did he would be labled as a sex offender for the rest of his life, and tbh I dont think he knows he did anything wrong to this day. I've only told one of my friends (when it happened) and my older sister 3 weeks ago but neither know who he was. How do I tell my parents without me having a panic attack or them wanting to press charges or ask for details I'm still not ready to give? Some days I'm convinced I'll tell them then the next change my mind. Idk what to do.
@enthusiasticIdea565 Hi!!! I am so sad to hear your trauma induced by your classmate. And I admire your strength to open up about what happened. Believe me, its very common to feel depressed after such an event. And your present lethargy and anxiety is perfectly understable from that context. Please don't beat yourself up for this helpless feelings.
@enthusiasticIdea565
I'm sorry to hear this has happened to you. It can be very difficult to bring up, especially to parents who are understandably protective of you and likely want repercussions for the things that have occurred. A suggestion I've come up with that a lot of people have come back and stated worked out is to write it down in a note to initiate the conversation, perhaps including that you aren't ready to talk about it if you feel your parents would honor that wish. Once you get through that first barrier, it can be like a weight off your chest. Depending on where you reside, you may be the only one who can press charges, something I'd look into in your position to help you know what possibilities exist upon disclosing the information. Only you know what's best for you.
Wishing you a supported path to recovery, something you more than deserve. 
@enthusiasticIdea565
Hi Idea,
It feels like you've hit a bit of a breaking point. A lot of people with trauma can eventually hit that point where they just "know" it's time to start telling. Your mind and body is telling you that it's time and I think it's important for us to trust that voice and feeling. You know what's right for you. As for how to actually disclose, remember that you are the one in control of the conversation.You only need to tell what you want to tell. I would recommend making notes for important parts that you want to get right... the reason for this is that often while talking about trauma, your brain might get a little foggy and you'll forget certain things you want to say.
I'd also recommend laying down ground rules before and after. Perhaps saying something like "Please wait until I finish before asking anything" so that you don't lose your train of thought. Some things about it may be more important to you than others, and your parents may find other things important. I think that you telling all you want to tell is good because it shows them where the value is to you. Another potential ground rule is that what you do with the knowledge, it's up to you. If you're not comfortable going to the police about it, that's ok. But remember, that him "not knowing" he broke the law, does not actually excuse him from doing it. If someone kills someone, even accidentally, they are still charged, because what they did was wrong and they could have not hurt someone, perhaps if they educated themselves about the law which is every citizen's duty. Being charged for crimes is what is supposed to happen. I know that is a scary power to hold, but just think about it.
What happened is not your fault. Of course there are precautions people can take, but it is up to people to not hurt others, we can not all be kung fu masters wearing protective bubbles from the world.
@enthusiasticIdea565
I totally understand wanting to tell someone but not wanting to press charges. The best way to avoid them pressuring you into legal action is to not disclose the identity or exact circumstance of the assault. The main reason for telling your family should be to get emotional support. You can just tell them you were assaulted and did not know how to tell them until now, that you do not want to answer a bunch of questions as it would bring up memories for you, and that you just want them to understand what you are going through and help you get help. It's important to remember that telling them is for you, do not let them dictate how it goes. Remember that they will probably be very distressed when they hear this information and you should let them be upset but don't let them talk you into doing or talking about anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. Good luck <3
Hi! I'm seeing this months later but I related to this post so much I had to comment. First of all, I'm sorry that you had to go through this, especially near a monumental part of your life. I'm sorry that you're having conflicting feelings about what happened and who to tell. Hugzz
Telling parents is really hard, but I think it's something that should be done. You are not alone in feeling that your parents might blame you or might want you to take action and press charges. But telling your parents lets them in and allows them to help you. You do not have to say every single detail, and how you go further with the case is up to you.
You are being so brave right now by expressing how you feel and by already telling some people what you've experienced. Sending love!
