Confused
I'm confused....
So,I met a woman who locked her keys in the car during a snow storm after she put her child in car seat. The wind blew her door shut and it locked. I was in my car smoking a cigarette and seen her and helped her. Afterwards,We exchanged numbers. She asked me for the number I didn't ask her. That was 3 weeks ago. So,She lives in a building next to me and anytime she runs errands store etc she always asks me to go and I usually do if I'm not doing anything. Little by little we have become closer. She cooks for me,asks me to go everywhere she goes,always texts,I've been to the park with her daughter who is 2 and who's father took off 1.5 years ago. So,I asked her about a week ago how she felt about dating. I noticed she was kind of apprehensive when I went to hold her hand in the car so I drew back. She said she's not really trying to get into anything so I let it go as maybe she wasn't interested or whatever. Well,A couple days later she said I'm just looking to fool around and had like a narrative of me. We where driving when she said it in her car. So,I said look,If I was looking for that I could get it. I told her I felt insulted she felt that way about me and when we go back by our buildings I started to walk off. She said my name,grabbed my arm and then hugged me and said sorry. She said she could now see its not that way with me and she was really apologetic. I told her it's ok and that I could understand that. So now,She always hugs and holds hands and whatever but when I went to kiss her she said she's not ready for that. I'm like wth? I don't have bad breath or anything. She also texted me and said she had a dream I got her pregnant. I don't understand where this is going and I've asked her. I'm like so what are you trying to do? I mean,a woman doesn't cook for a guy, ALWAYS want him to be seen in public and constantly text if she isn't into somebody. I just don't get it. I really like her and her daughter and her daughter is getting somewhat attached to me. I just don't get it. It's not like I'm being played out of money or something because I mean Ive laid for dinners and so has she. We pick up drinks/snacks at gas station mutually so it's not like a play situation. I just don't get it....Tonight I asked if she was not attracted to me and she said it's not that she just doesn't kiss people she barely knows. What should I do/say here?
@shySail9764
it sounds like a tough situation you're in. Signals can be confusing from people, and that kind of sounds like what's happening here. She does things that would signal she's into you (hanging out, texting, sharing dinners, hugging and holding hands) but doesn't want to do other things that would make it more romantically official. It sounds like she is still figuring out what she wants and needs at this moment in her life. She enjoys your company and wants to spend time with you, but I think she's worried about jumping into a relationship too quickly. I don't think you're doing anything wrong, but it can be hard not to feel rejected when a person doesn't reciprocate. I hope things get a little clearer with time and that you're both able to discuss what you're looking for in terms of a relationship and move from there.
Your situation seems really complex huh, and if I were in your position would be very confused as well. Reading through your story I have a feeling that you are faced with a very traumatized individual. Considering that her original father of her own daughter left them when their daughter was just a couple months old. After reading through books about relationship and human sciences. I do believe that she does hold feelings for you, however resists to give her 100% due to the pain that got inflicted prior to your relationship. She is afraid to be hurted, worse abandoned. As someone that cares for her, I believe the best way in your given situation is to be patient. Similar to how wild dogs with wounds will be most defensive. A traumatized individual might accidentally bark even their loved ones out of their lives. Listen to her, get accustomed to look at things at her point of view, do your best to give her small gifts even if it's not a special occasion, this will fill her love tank up and trust will be form. I understand it's not an ideal location to be in especially as a men. The price that is paid when dealing with romance is not inexpensive. This is an advice from a friendly random stranger, so if you choose not to follow it I will understand it wholeheartedly. I wish you luck in your path of romance.
Don't worry... maybe she need time for a stable relationship with u...give her some time....and ask her politely....all the Best 👍
@shySail9764
Hi, yes it sounds confusing for sure. One thing you have to ask yourself is she communicating her needs clearly?! Are you communicating your needs clearly?! Please understand that you can never help someone if they have no will to help themselves. Your company seems to be nice for her. A male interaction probably she misses in life. She might not be trusting you due to abandonment but she needs to workout herself before engaging with others. I’m sorry to say this but you need to protect your heart too. Sometimes you just have to let things go to get clarity. A good conversation on how things need to be would be helpful for both of you. Investing time and effort when its not reciprocated can be devastating. A person thats been abandoned often looks for attachment to compensate the void they feel. I wish you both the best but please look out for your heart and your mental stability to grow in a relationship that can make you grow together not just spend time only.
It seems like she wants something from you but she's hesitant, maybe because of past experience, that's okay, go at her own pace... Enjoy the moment, the kiss will probably come from her at some point.
This does sound like a tough situation. I would communicate what you are open with in this new relationship, and ask of her to also relay how she is feeling. Oftentimes, you may not even know how you are currently feeling, or what your looking for, especially in this scenario where you met so abruptly. It is important to try and understand each other, and if it is the case of confusion, and you are open to it, there can be ways of helping each other understand what you both may want out of this relationship.
