Here to save relationship
I'm here to try to make myself a better husband so my wife doesn't leave me
@hornetsmad Welcome to 7 Cups. Awwww, the effort to want to do and be better for your wife is commendable. Often times, it's easy to be complacent in marriages to where we feel like changes need to be on the other person's end rather than on ours. You expressed wanting to make yourself better and I believe you can! However, you also expressed doing so in hopes that she does not leave you. Is there any reason you feel that if you do not do so that she will leave you and walk away from the marriage? My hope for you is that you and are wife have a long, healthy, beautiful marriage and that the two of you can change, improve, and grow together with one another if that is what you desire. <3 Wishing you all the best on your new journey here on 7 Cups and, once again, welcome. I'm really glad you are here.
Have you tried talking to her? Why are you concerned she might leave you?
@hornetsmad
If you feel the need to be a "better " husband ... there must be a reason. Honestly many although not all only come to this type on conclusion after an issue has gone on... there is no one size fits all solution.
Being better is different for every relationship.... have you had discussion as to what she wants or needs?
I say this because my spouse made things worse when he decided to "help" without knowing what i was missing from our relationship doubling down on something that was NOT a problem did not fix the glaring issue in another area of the relationship.
I hear from others saying "oh he is trying" but they do not understand it is too little too late and totally tone deaf. please find out what she needs or wants from you maybe do marriage counseling.
@hornetsmad ty for your efforts. We believe in you!
Remember we can only control ourselves. Change ourselves. I hope the best for you. But we cannot keep anyone by begging or coercion. Just give her space. Be your best self.
Thanks for all your help and replies. I know it's up to me to be better, to be more specific I have been controlling and blamed her and complained too much for too long and she can't put up with it anymore
@hornetsmad
Sitting down and having a complete talk in my opinion is the way to try to save it ....
the idea of ok i just quit that won't happen again NEVER works ....... if my spouse could or would own up to the things i told him i am done with it would be a great help.
@hornetsmad
Hi Hornetsmad! 😊 ❤️
I commend you for reaching out for support and creating this forum post. I imagine it takes a great deal of courage to do so.
I feel as if others have provided some really amazing support and feedback for you, things for you to consider. It appears as if you have taken the feedback in the spirit that it is intended (helpful as well as kind and well meaning) and so again, another applause for you!
We cannot change what we do not acknowledge and so it's a beautiful moment to see you admitting the ways in which you have contributed negatively to the relationship. This is so very necessary for growth and change in a positive direction.
Seeing as how you are embracing it all thus far, I'll add some additional things in an effort to help support you as well as your efforts.
Seems as if this has been going on for quite some time, you are quite aware of your behaviors and that they have been highly intentional. Is the goal to get her to not leave you for the short game and then backslide into the negativity again once the "coast is clear" or do you have a long term plan for truly changing these habits? Sometimes recognizing the faulty patterns and really changing as a human being can be good for us all, no matter the outcome of if she is truly done. You can change for this relationship, but even if she walks away, you can change for you and for better outcomes in future relationships.
With relationships come adversity. This will be a constant no matter what type of "ships" we are in however, it's how we come together and find resolution to bumps in the road along the way, negotiate, that can help determine the longevity of the "ship".
We can wake up, any day at all and wipe the slate clean for ourselves (tabula rosa)...we all make mistakes, make a commitment to ourselves to change. Today is the beginning of the rest of your life. This would be about us, doing the right thing and not waiting for a threat of another to leave. Personal development for the long term.
With that, might come some discussions with your significant other, perhaps hearing her out, what she will tolerate, what it is that she will not if she is still willing to do so. Everyone is allowed to have boundaries and some things are true deal breakers and so it can be really healthy to know one anothers limits (and not push them, edge up on them).
Some times the beginning of a healthy discussion like that can be an apology for past behavior. Feel free to gewwwgul 😊 the 3 steps to a true apology as it could prove to be beneficial to open up the dialogue. Perhaps making amends are needed too? Perhaps showing her your action plan and a commitment for true change? Just tossing around ideas here with you.
You are here with us and I'm grateful that you are! ❤️ You came to the right place my friend! No matter which way this goes, we are here to support you! You never have to do this alone as is highly visible here on your thread!
Lastly, there is strength in vulnerability. There is strength in admitting ones mistakes and not hiding from them. Thank you for being such a great example to all of the rest of us! Many of us have much to learn from you! ❤️
*high fives* 😊 and *hugs* ❤️
Text me
Not sure how to do that mate
@hornetsmad I commend you on trying to better yourself
