I have phobia of time,fun and death. Help me, I depress and have panic attack every day of own mortality.
Time flies when I have fun or busy, so I not dare to have fun and busy too long because I depress that in a blink of an eye months and years grow faster as I get older, and a while I reach old age and die. Example, that day I go to this shopping mall, then like oh what so fast this event happen in 2017, oh so fast seven years ago, then what about the next seven years also just fly by, so scary feel like very real like in a blink of an eye I will reach year 2031.
I dont want time passing too fast, although I am quite optimistic and excited about future of world, but there still got a little uncertainty about the world, and also in the next several years, I will not able or much less time to with my current friends anymore, nostalgia is so hurting sometimes, when I think of several years ago with my school friends moment ,and now almost all of them I no longer contact them, this part is not really sad, but what makes me truly sad is two years ago, when I got same class with two of my old friends in college, and I thought they will miss me, so I go and approach and to talk to them, but unfortunately they seems like dont want to talk to me, they would rather mix with other group of friends rather than me, they seems like just give me perfunctory response. And I do try to talk to them for few weeks, but literally every time is I start the conversation first, and they never like want to approach me.
I terrified of death, I dont know what the afterlife be, is the afterlife a good or scary place I dont know, and I no longer able to do the things what I enjoy or want anymore if I die. And I will lose consciousness forever if no afterlife. I know people say just think death is like sleep but forever, sleep is not scary but why we scared of death. I know I also sleep every day, so that mean actually I "experienced death" every day assume if there is no afterlife. And sleep feeling actually is peaceful,dont have worries,stress,depression and negative emotions at all despite also have no positive emotions at all. But I like dont know why I feel like I want to perserve my identity, and I die, then my all memories,identity gone.
And I think maybe I have lots of nostalgia, that is why I feel so emotional on historical people,buildings and past, even though now I think maybe is better than past, but I just keep missing the past, just feel like that sense of traditional culture or something.
@amusingPond9982
Hello. I am sorry to hear about the amount of feeling insecure, anxiety or fear you must be going through. I believe it is good and natural to be mindful, to look for the meaning of life, and to think what may happen when our earthly existence comes to an end. I also admire people who are open-minded and ask questions, not just "go with the flow".
Would you mind if I shared some of my reflections after I have read your message?
First, where do you feel you are on the continuum between mindfulness and anxiety?
I believe it is very valuable to be mindful about the moment, not neglecting the future at the same time. But is it still good when it makes you feel scared about the passing time? Is your attitude more like looking at the clock, not smelling the beautiful scent of the cake in the oven? Or not worrying too much, but just living it?
Close second thought, how would you see yourself on the crossing between the fear and the faith? In my opinion that is not necessary to be a very religious person to have faith. Do you believe in any "wisdom of the Universe"?
Friends... I know it can be comforting and giving some sense of safety to meet some old friends. But are all friendships for a lifetime? Or some of them (or most of them?) have some kind of the "expiration date"?
We are usually born alone, and usually die alone (and usually both these things empty-handed), and that could feel scary. But how would you like the idea of our lives being in a constant progress, and this "stepping up the ladder" sometimes taking some new friendships to appear?
You said you liked very much old buildings, the stories of the people of the past, old traditions. If we could suppose - just for a moment - that you have already had another life in the past, and that could be the reason of your being sentimental to old things - what could that tell you about the future you seem to be scared of?
Also, I would be curious to know what the word "identity" means for you. Reportedly, when people die, in a blink of an eye they see their entire lives. Doesn't that sounds like our memories and experiences being "uploaded" to somewhere else at such a moment? If this would be the case, do we really lose them?
I wonder how would you see the connection between your soul (do you believe it can be immortal?) and your identity (because I believe using this word you meant much more than just your name or your social insurance number). Why not losing your "identity" is so important for you?
@jacek73 Sorry so late i only reply you because now i only saw the notifications.
(But how would you like the idea of our lives being in a constant progress, and this "stepping up the ladder" sometimes taking some new friendships to appear? )can you explain more about this sentence?
If there has afterlife and the afterlife is good, then i didnt lose my identity , but if there is no afterlife or i rebirth, then i lose all my memories and identity already
(I wonder how would you see the connection between your soul (do you believe it can be immortal?) and your identity (because I believe using this word you meant much more than just your name or your social insurance number). Why not losing your "identity" is so important for you?) My definition of identity are my memories, my achievement, my sense of self. So, i dont know why if i lose these, i feel so hurts
(You said you liked very much old buildings, the stories of the people of the past, old traditions. If we could suppose - just for a moment - that you have already had another life in the past, and that could be the reason of your being sentimental to old things - what could that tell you about the future you seem to be scared of?) why would you say that i fond of past and memories because of past life
@amusingPond9982
I meant that maybe some people have the same friends for life, but I believe our life is changing, and so the friends we have might be changing, too. Sometimes we deserve new friends for a new period of our life. And I believe it is not about "abandoning" old friends, but rather searching for some new air.
I am sorry if my previous message might sound a little bit too spiritual or too philosophical.
Refering to what we discussed before: Do you find it hard to focus on the present without worrying about the future? Up to the extremities of either being overwhelmed by the fear of tomorrow, or believing it never comes...
I guess it's normal to feel uncertain about the future. It's natural to feel scared of the unknown. But sometimes, focusing on small, positive moments in the present can help reduce that fear and just "be here".
@amusingPond9982
1 I think we all have some sort of phobia. Mine is fire because I was through a house fire at 10yrs old.
2 Try to see death as a new beginning here is an example! Take a seed; do we get sad when the seed dies, and a new sprout/seedling comes? I have a good book the title is the life cycle completed by Eric Erikson. It starts with the beginning of the life cycle and development. Towards the end is where it makes sense. His work is still used in today's colleges. Some of the book is deep but, worth it.
@compassionateMoon4024 thank you so much,but can you give me the important points in the book? Sometimes, I feel unmotivated to read self help books and therapy books
Death and time are very realistic fears, they are inevitable things that will pass and there is little to do. While they can be quite terrifying they are also strong reminders.
Death makes life meaningful because there's a time limit you have to enjoy life, that's why making the most of the time we do have more impactful, we may never be able to do all the things we want in our life but people still manage to enjoy many things in life while they still had the chance. I believe death and the afterlife could be a cold hard nothingness but I also strongly believe the feeling you die with is something you can control and it's important that at the end you have no regrets.
Time is inevitable, while it may make things seem so fast and pass and ultimately force us to act fast. It is also something that allows the world to progress, while time isn't the friendliest figure it means that everyone still wakes up, looks for new opportunities, maybe after big moments it allows them to dwell on it, to say time is unfriendly is not entirely false. However time is progress, and how we manage that progress for improvement, relaxing or living is more important then the fact that time continues and goes in the blink of an eye.
Your friends, I'm sorry to hear that. Many friends may drift apart or seem more standoffish then usual, I have experiences with that and my best advice is to acknowledge their success or their new friends and be supportive. I'm sure when they remember you, they haven't forgotten the experiences you had together.
Naturally people's interests and goals take priority especially when people get older and it's hard to blame them. Eventually it's harder to reconnect with those people because they lose focus on the past and instead focus on the present and the future. You can not control this but you can determine if it's worth trying to rekindle that friend group if you truly believe it's a lost cause you can acknowledge their life and simply drift apart or you can attempt to communicate remind them of the old days and try to reach out again even if they seem unapproachable.
I hope you start to feel better, and hopefully I helped reframe your fear of time and death. They are terrifying, unstoppable forces in life that are beyond our control.
But once you are no longer of afraid, they can be powerful motivators, they can be the one that brings on new days, new struggles and new opportunities. They remind you that life is worth living; so do as much as possible before the inevitable. I hope you have a good life ahead of you and your fears become a distant memory.
-SunnyLake
@amusingPond9982
I started to read hoping that at the end of your text I would be able to give another perspective to reassure you, but now I have nothing to say. The feeling of having no absolute control over things is terrifying. I can relate.
@amusingPond9982
It's not a self help book at all! Erik Erickson is a author about life cycles and human development. Of course it starts from the beginning. It does mention fears how there development. It is interesting. Check your local library.