🌸💗 Let’s Be Honest 🌸💗

@LexListens2025 Idk if I'm ever going to be good enough. Good enough for being a daughter, sister, and girlfriend. For being a daughter, I try very hard for my school, but everytime my mom sees something bad, she thinks is me "wanting" to be a grown up, "trying to impress the boys". I admit, I am, but only one but he doesn't go to my school. I try to be confident, that's my way of impressing. But my mom always calls me a slvt, and a ho, just because of the way I dress. And its not even that bad, I dress nice, I mean ye the shirt is a little short, that can show my belly. But its not worse than the girls at my school wears. It's like almost nothing, can see their nuunuu(sorry tmi). And my mom is calling me a slvt. I want to be a good sister, so I wont disappoint my siblings, because their high achievers, while I'm here sitting with two f's in my two class. And I am trying and trying to work and do my best, but the thing is that my teachers grade my grades really late. They take up their freaking time, while my parents are yelling at me about it. A good girlfriend, because I don't know the way I am acting is how a girlfriend should behave. I wouldn't say "i'm not like the other girls" I am like the other girls, but a little different I guess. I seen other couples, being all sweet, all huggy and kissy. But I don't do that, not only because where I grew up, barely noone where i'm from I see that are wife and husband, girlfriend and boyfriend, I don't see them all being like that. My boyfriend tries to be touchy, and I let him sometimes, because I am not really like used to it. Right now I am, but really I don't care, but I do care, of the way I'm acting. The way I act at school is also the way I act at home, and my dad always tell me to be a lady, try to be a lady for once. But idk, I like being a girl sometimes and all, but I don't really act that way. Growing up where I am from. We're broke, we barely have nothing. Not like street broke, but idk how to explain it. We didn't have much of anything really, and I grew up with a lot of guys in my family, its a small community but a big family lwk. And idk, ever since I was a kid, I keep on hanging out with boys, I always hangout with the boys in my family, I do hang out with girls too. But only 1 mostly, she is my 4lifer. I hang out with her a lot, even if i'm with the guys, me and her with 5 other dudes. There's a lot of female in my family too, but their older, and some are far away. But sometimes, my friend goes someplace else because of her parents of not being together which I get. My biological parents, they're confusing. They're together, but not together. They're divorce but they still live together, and they always constantly fight and fight almost everyday. My mom died when I was 7, and my dad went to jail a day after her death. And I haven't seen him since, I move to my new home, then move again about 4 times and met my new parents who are my auntie and uncle, (auntie is related to my mom). After my last move, I decided to be a good child since my other places, I keep on getting in trouble constantly, ever since I got my new home. Even if I try to be a good child, I was way stressful than when I was getting in trouble. I barely go out with friends, I always wanted to go before and since then i'm just becoming like I don't care about anything even though I do. I turned off my emotions couple of times, and I almost forgot what it feels like, I turned it off so I wont get my feelings hurt, not because of middle school, because I don't even get bullied. But is because of my new home, my home is a place where I feel safe, but for some reason I don't. I trust them really but is just that the vibe at home is worse than at school. My mom is always assuming that I'm getting bullied, like really?? is that what you think of me?? she doesn't even think about my brother getting bullied, but she thinks I am? she's always asking "is people making fun of you the way you look?".. like no, do you really have to say that? you don't need to ask your daughter if she is getting bullied by her look if she is having a bad day. She can be crying because of the pressure that she is getting in. And I just got into a argument with my dad, because I have a project that I'm doing, and he is telling me things like I don't got other stuff to do too. I got two project to do, and I am getting scared because I don't know what i'm trying to do, I hate speaking in front of class. And I have to sing too, and i've been trying to do multitasking, but my brain ain't braining.. Sorry I went all over the places and been talking too much, hope yall have a nice day, love yall

4

@LexListens2025 having some depression due to my pulmonary embolism.. lots of shortness of breath chest pain . general health anxiety.. it's a tough day and just had my 50 th birthday 🎂🥳 yesterday.. that's a milestone 

@LexListens2025

being doing well at 1 and barely surviving at 10

im on 8 today

@LexListens2025

I was wondering if you could chat with me? I'm struggling right now and a lot is going through my head and I just want someone to listen and help me. 

@LexListens2025 I’m starting to want to make this world a better place. I got this feeling when I spotted Heather's bio. I'm someone who doesn't share the same experiences and feelings as normal people; I always sense inequality in this world and didn't know where I belonged. Until I found her bio: "Be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here." I was deeply touched by her words. I think since we haven't hurt anybody, we should connect and support each other here.

@LexListens2025

Hey 💙 I feel I needed something like this so much.

I'm feeling something like 5, both ok and not ok

Been better recently, but some small things happened that made me feel down again. I'm kinda unhappy of myself because they are not any critical or huge changes/ problems

So if I even made sense, over all part of me is healing and ok and part is hurt from inside kinda.