An honest response

@Tafti This is definitely an interesting post. I am going to subscribe to see what everyone else says!

HopieRemi

@DelicateKqi

Very interesting indeed.. I would say change the way you think about the situation and the outcome may be better. Just a thought.

That I can see right through them. Their well crafted and embellished persona cannot fool those who were unfortunate enough to witness the abysmal viciousness of their psyche.

I very much like this topic, a great choice!

I think that honesty itself is not something that can be easily evaluated as something good or bad. When I'm honest my intentions define if I'm doing a good thing.

The questions I'm trying to ask myself are "Why do I want to tell such thing?", "What is my goal for saying that?". Often I find myself in 2 scenarios:

Scenario 1, I want good for myself:
- to be right
- my opinion/experience to be recognised
- people to behave as I like
- in general, I want my ego to feel good.

Scenario 2, I want good for others:
- to help the person in a non-coercive way
- to share my feelings, emotions with the person to show my weaknesses
- to have better connection and relationships with a person
- in general, I want that person to feel good.

I've noticed that I need to work a lot on my ego to make good things for others and not myself only (what is important sometimes as well).

@DelicateKqi

I believe that everyone can make a situation worse or better, but most of their problems is their own fault, absolutely not.

I believe a society choses what they believe is easy to understand and follow a crowd than do the hard thing and truly listen to someone, and not put every one thing into a category, like fault. For example if doctors had listened to me, it wouldn't have taken five years for a diagnosis. Losing "friends," support of family, etc.

@DelicateKqi

I believe we all, as humans, have the ability to "choose" what we do--choose how we act, choose how we react, choose what we choose to do, choose what we do not do, and so on, even into smaller details such as choosing what we eat within what we are able to have a choice from, when we choose to each from our choices we have, what we choose to say back (react) to someone, etc. We all choose. Of course, not all of us have the same things to choose from, but we all choose from what we have or can choose from for everything--all thoughts, decisions, --everything,

Since we all have the ability to choose, we are also responsible for all of our choices!!!!!!!!! Some may not want to be and will find and look for reasons to find or rationalize why they feel they are not responsible for what they choose to do. Often it will be because so and so did this or that and I had to do such and such or I have this problem and I have to do just do this.

We ALL have problems in life. We ALL make mistakes. We all can be wrong and are wrong at a lot of things. No one is perfect.

Why not step up and take responsibility for what you do????? You can learn from it, grow from it, and gain much from accepting you have done wrong in whatever way, realizing this and working to do what you know to do and can do to keep trying to do better in the future. It helps to view mistakes, failures, and such as learning experiences. With this viewpoint and attitude, you can help yourself with whatever comes.

Sure, we all are going to fail and mess up lots. I know I have for sure, and I make mistakes and do things I wish I had not done each and every day. I know I am far from perfect and will never be perfect. But I want too always do better. I have a ton of problems and plenty of diagnosis. I am not going to blame others, blame my diagnosis all the time, and just continue to not take responsibility for myself in what I do. For example, with one of my psychological diagnoses, I am responsible for multiple "parts" of myself, with whatever is done, whenever it is done, or whatever happens. I am responsible for everything!!!!!! I alone also mess up lots. It is okay if someone lets me know this and I am grateful when they do. It helps me to know and to know I am messing up and where I may need to do even more work to do better. I appreciate someone being open, honest, caring enough to say something, caring and taking their own time to even bother enough to say something to me. I value them and value this!!!!!!!!!!!!

We all are a work-in-progress!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I like to be positive and complement others, be good to others. This is my nature. But sometimes, in life, it is needed and necessary in situations or with people to speak up and say what needs to be said. It is not meant to ever hurt anyone. Yes, it can hurt someone's feelings. Sometimes people do need to be told somethings. It may hurt them to be told somethings. Maybe they could use some help getting used to handling the truth also. That could be helpful for them in their life, I am not saying or claiming to know what is best for them or anyone. But we all do need to be able to handle the truth from someone in life, when it is handled properly and done in the right manner. Don't run from the truth! Allow information to help you. What you do with information is up to you anyway. If you feel it is wrong, choose how you react back. That is up to you. But there may be a reason the person said something to begin with.

@DelicateKqi

Hello, I completely agree that society encourages us to sugarcoat or avoid a honest answer.

As a listener, yes, I want to encourage you and support you in your feelings. I also hold honesty as a top value for me. I acknowledge how the member is feeling. Than I say something along the lines of, how about we figure out a solution together?

If something needs to be said that may cause a issue to the member. I may say you my want a honest answer?

Member said yes.

I response something along the lines of sugar coated or blunt honest?

I have found the members are more willing to hear my answer. When they are provided some sense of control on how direct the answer maybe.

Most people's problems are their own fault but there is a reason why people continually make bad choices and it is not their rational brain which makes those choices.

For example, people suffering from BPD might impulsively quit a job, end a relationship etc over something which seems very minor. It is their fault their internal emotional response ends up causing them to take these impulsive actions? Not really

So, on the surface problems may often be due to someone's poor decision making but underneath that are forces guiding them which they are somewhat helpless to control

That's a really good question!

I think I'd say:

"(Mental) illness is an explanation but no excuse."

I often have met people who tried to reason that whatever they did was because of their illness and expect that that's enough for others to forgive them. But while I think that it's a solid reason as to WHY they acted like that, it's not an excuse to own up to it and ask for forgiveness.

When I'm depressed I tend to get judgemental about people I actually care about deeply. And while those negative feelings and thoughts are because of my illness, I still have to be responsible and not make others feel awful about themselves or actually say sorry for things afterwards. And I'm not entitled to them accepting the apology just because I gave and explanation.

@DelicateKqi

Screw what people think about you, alot of the time it is in your head, so just go with what you want to do, as long as its not harming anyone. be you!