An honest response

@DelicateKqi

Something I think I would let people know is that they don't have to continue to choose to identify as a victim or what happened to them in the past. When people choose to do this for so long it becomes a comfort to them where they are then unable to see themself as anything other than, which in the long run only stops you from being your true authentic self.

@DelicateKqi

I would say that - remember that although you think that people should understand you and everything you mean to say, you are the only one who will ever know yourself completely. Cultivating that self awareness and understanding is your job

My list goes on and on. 🤣🤣🤣🤣 glories of working in law enforcement.

Hey @DelicateKqi

Interesting question. I understand where you're coming from. I agree with your honesty to an extent. Some people like to wallow in pity parties, and I, too, don't like to entertain that kind of behavior. But I also think it's important to get to the bottom of other people's situations to not be dismissive of their struggles.

I used to be very straightforward in stating my opinion since I was a kid. But over the years, I learned that what we say to others it's not just about what we say but also how we say it. Saying the same thing in different ways can impact people differently.

Also, I think the intention matters. I think many people sugarcoat things because they want to look good or don't want to hurt others' feelings. And in the end, keeping people in the dark, unaware of what's actually happening. Which is why it's detrimental.

The thing is, being too blunt, especially with people who are sensitive or are going through something, can shoo them away. And in the end, they don't get to hear what they need to hear either because they don't take what we say into consideration. Which won't be good for them either if no one else is gonna let them know about it. So, we can soften the blow so the message can come through.

As to what I want to say to others, there are a few:

• Be genuine, be real (because I often see people being nice to each other but criticizing behind)
• Talk to each other instead of talking about each other (I wish people care enough about each other to want to have an open conversation and work on a problem together and think beyond their own ego or fear. This doesn't apply in abusive relationships, of course)
• You have the power to make a difference in your life as well as others. Don't feel powerless just because you have a rough patch.

@DelicateKqi

I would say its ok if you are not having a good day you can say so you don't have to pretend to be happy.



@DelicateKqi

I have a very big social problem about being too honest. I'm over 60 but my upbringing laid the fear of beatings upon us if we were caught in lies. Social lying and Selfish lying seem to be the absolute norm. I see now, that institutions are teaching kids the importance of telling "white lies". Not learning the importance of a "GOOD" lie totally destroyed all my personal and social relationships my entire life to my current time now. I am now just learning. Being completely honest is only your version of any story and it makes a person develope a strong egotistical persona, thus alienating them, thus being alone and unable to nurture aid to those we wish to.

With that said, ALL THIS MAMBIE BAMBIE, having to be nice and understanding ALL THE TIME, ABOUT EVERYTHING is detroying our ability to effectively and personally solve our problems. A young family relative told me she wanted me just to listen to her problems and not try to find any solutions.... this is also a core value to being a listener here on 7-cups. I absolutely did not understand that at the time but now I do understand the imprtance of that. Being so low... just to beard heard "COULD" be the seed needed for renewd strentgh to carry on.

@DelicateKqi

These are some honest truths that everyone should accept.

1. Life is hard.
2. You are not important.
3. Your life is not about you.
4. You are not in control.
5. Life is not permanent.

This was borrowed from Richard Rohr’s book, Adam’s Return.

@DelicateKqi

Don’t let a diagnosis become your destiny. Don’t over-identify as mentally ill. Many of the emotions people experience (anxiety, depression etc) are perfectly normal responses to normal situations (e.g. loss of a job, bereavement, impending exams).

I find a lot of people don’t want to take responsibility and having a diagnosis can be a way to get off the hook. I’d say it’s not your fault but it is your responsibility.

I think people on both sides are to blame. We also cannot ignore the impact that influences have on us growing up. Stuff like trauma can be determential and developed into a native personality that will have less daily functionality. I would say to work on your self by doing basic things like eating healthier, sleeping more, reading more, exploring your options and talking about your problems.