Discussion Question: What are the steps it takes to go from stranger ---> friend/ long term supportive connection on 7 Cups?

I have made a close friend with another member who is my healthy living buddy within the healthy living community. We communicate in the forums every week and support each other's goals. She also provides a sympathetic ear for my many frustrations and setbacks. I value our interactions very much and look forward to hearing from her.

I also had a listener that I've talked with a few times in the last several months who helped me try and cope with my dad's impendng and eventual death. I think with listeners, you just have to try a few until you find the right connection. For me it also depends on what my issue is when I'm trying to connect with a listener. I have talked to others in the past with varying success. This particular listener was just right for this particular issue and my personality. I'm grateful to have met her!

@LauraThis is quite an easy one for me to answer peronally. My long term listener and myself have developed a really beautiful relationship. I feel she is a friend, cyber mum/big sister to me.

There are a few reasons for how we got to where we are now.

I spoke to dozens of listeners previously with some really undesirable results for many different reasons. But when I connected to the one I have now, it was a totally different experience.

I felt totally respected as a person, something I wasn't really used to before.

I was given the chance to say exactly what I was feeling without being made to feel I was wrong for some reason or another.

She took the time to get to know me to really be able to understand my situation.

I felt cared for and I eventually believed that I wasn't a burden.

I was treated as an individual.

I felt a Level of trust that I had never ever felt before.

No matter how long I spend away from here, be it weeks or even months, whenever I return I am always treated in the same beautiful way.

I think that one thing that could really be encouraged (I'm sure it already is in listener training, but many listeners don't always stick to) is that members need to be able to speak about themselves and what we are going or have been through without the listener taking over the chat with their own personal issues. I understand that sharing some things can be beneficial in different ways, but, I think it becomes a problem when the member ends up taking the strain of the listeners issues. I came across this a lot at the start of my 7 cups journey.

@Laura

Idk mostly just happens and time relieves are they trustfull.

@Laura Wow. That's a hard one to answer. I've been asking myself that same question as I have become really close to some of the people in the chat room - and just a tad bit less closer to others. For me it started with sincere concern from others as to how I was feeling - and my feeling comfortable enough to reciprocate that concern and ask questions. In "real" life I am much more shy and find it difficult to believe that anyone would want to be around me, let alone form a mutually beneficial relationship of trust and concern. So when someone in our chat room sort of pushes past my defensive wall and goes out of their way to speak to me each time I am in chat, those defensives break down. That's when it goes beyond simply "chatting" with semi strangers to feeling a part of something more. Something beyond friendship. More like connecting with family of choice. And over the past 10 months I have really needed the support of my 7cups family just to get through each day.

They all seem to differ from person to person .... Been here for quite awhile lol so I've had the opportunity to make some really great connections... Some because I empathize and sympathize with...And genuinely worried/cared for there well being a...Some because they were the good listener an....Some because of shared experiences...The frost step for me a a connection in conversation and the able to be straight forward...And my desire to help where I can... #ivemetgreatsouls....

@Laura, so far I have found it very beneficial to take a neutral position on many points of view. As a listener, I have experienced some who are eager to share, and others who may not be as open. In these cases, it may be difficult to understand what someone is trying to convey, making it a bit challenging to relate to them. These types of listening experiences have definitely inspired further growth and I am very accepting of them.

As recommended by 7 cups, I also let people that I talk to that I care about them and will check in on them later in the week. I have been able to stick to this commitment. Some people to respond to my check in's, while others do not. All things considered, it is helpful to go in knowing that you cannot take things personal.

First of all thank you for this I really enjoyed going through this thread and reading everybodys stories :)

And as for my story, well me and my friend met almost 2 years ago here on this lovely site. At first it was just a normal listener/member conversation, she talked about her problems and I tried my best to help. We figured out a solution for her problem together and the next day she came back to tell me how it went. We started talking regularly after that, every day even if we just told each other how our day went. After a while we exchanged phone numbers and we've been friends ever since :)

I'm forever grateful I clicked on that general request it gave me a best friend :)

Thank you for reading this, peace and love

@Laura

I have a few long term members, and what I really found helpful with some was the idea of a "daily/weekly check in". When a conversation is wrapping up with a member, I'll usually suggest that as an option moving forward. Regular check ins really help me to get to know my member.

I think a friendship on seven cups is knowing what a person is going through, and finding their preferred method of communication (small talking first, or going right to their issue). It is when you are able to connect.

@Laura

@Laura Hi, Laura. I am still struggling to find a place to belong here on 7cups. I have had a few listeners, but it seems things always teeter off and correspondence stops. I would love any suggestions on how to build and sustain a relationship with a listener and how to connect with other members more. I've been here for about two years now. I don't like group chats because it feels like there are too many people talking and I don't know how to enter the conversation before someone else switches topic. Thank you. x