Discussion Question: What are the steps it takes to go from stranger ---> friend/ long term supportive connection on 7 Cups?

@Laura this is a great idea. I will need to do some thinking!

oh, so great post, i subscribe, i want to see what others answer

It's a great idea for a forum.

I'm rally looking forward to seeing other's answers.

I wish I could answer but I still don't have a long term relationship through 7cups although I'm looking forward to having one or more.

I think it takes time. Meeting someone who you really click with takes time.

What kind of relationship are we refering to? As in, beyond just a supportive person to more of an intimate, emotional one? Maybe I am confused as to what this place is for. I didn't think it was a dating source. Please advise as I am in a commited relationship and my partner is on here as well.

I would say it greatly valued from person to person. Different people bond in different ways. Some things, however, I would expect to speed up the process such as relating to each other's experiences or having things in common.

What about member to member friendships? I really enjoy the group chat aspect of 7 cups and spending time regularly in one room means you do make connections with people.

Jess

@Laura

For me personally i tried a high number of listeners before i found one that i truly felt i could trust and feel safe with.

1 really big thing that helped me was feeling so understood by my listener.

I had many listeners previously who would respond to almost every message i sent by simply saying "i understand" but i feel that when someone really does have a true understanding of a situation, they show their understanding in a very different way. (I should note that some of those other listeners i tried were nice i just didnt feel the connection)

Trust is such major issue for me, as im sure it is for many others (especially with my issues revolving around trauma). Ive never had my trust broken or even been in a position to be concerned in that way with my listener.

Not feeling pressured into discussing things in detail really helps. I never found it easy to discuss things in a deep way especially when i felt like i was being forced to do so. So having someone who lets me share at my own pace actually makes me feel safe enough to share more and in the long run amd helped me so much more.

A major thing that happened that really strengthened my bond with my listener was that she picked up on something that i always felt too scared to tell anyone. She said just a few words to me that made me realise that she knew about it even without me saying it. It opened up a whole new path in what i now call our friendship. She got me to a safe place in my life and continues to this day to give me endless support be it with day to day events or in depth support with my PTSD.

To summarise i think to move from stranger to friend on 7 cups, the following things are needed :

Trust

Time/patience

Allow members to see their chat as a safe place with no judgement

Try to understand that for some of us, sharing details of our lives/history is actually one of most difficult things to do, so please try and respect us

The same can be said in regards to members respecting listeners. Listeners are all volunteers here and should not be expected to be here all day every day. Respect the fact that they have their own lives/families/work away from 7 cups

This is an excellent discussion question and one that I hope a lot of users come in to comment on.

I've been really lucky that despite different time zones, I've formed close relationships with two listeners from 7Cups. I've been talking to them for about a year now, and they are two of the strongest support people I have in my life. Honestly, that's pretty incredible. Knowing that they're there for me has made a difference so many times, and it's kind of amazing to think that I just met them randomly. I've probably talked with about 10 listeners in total over a year or so.

Both of these relationships evolved over time...lots of conversations, lots of time spent sharing. I'm a big talker and kind of demanding ;) , so even now I talk with both of them almost every day. At the beginning it just worked out well that they were available at times when I was free to talk. Both of them are very good at making me feel listened to and understood, and they have both been vulnerable enough to share things about their own experiences that helped me to learn. Maybe that's one of the most important things that led to a stronger connection...the feeling that they went through similar experiences, and they've learned (or are still learning) and that I could, too. They made me feel like I wasn't alone, and that the way that I felt was OK. But is there a process? I'd have to say no. I think that you just have to try talking with people and see who you end up 'clicking' with. I would say that focusing on talking with people who are in your same community (and share the same problems you have) is a good start to building a relationship.

At first our friendship was tentative, then over a lot of time and conversations we were able to dig deeper and be open with each other. It's hard to put yourself out there and share the darkest parts of yourself with someone. But that's the goal - to do that and to feel safe. I'm totally honest with them both, and that helps me to take a hard look at some things I need to work on in myself. After a year I still think of them as 'my listeners' and go to them for help often, but since they've also shared their lives with me, I've been able to offer them advice and support too. I think that's a sign that you're getting stronger and feeling better about yourself...when you're able to help someone else. So it's made me feel so good to be there for them, too.

I'm stuck on your last question. I'm not sure what else you could do to make sure that everyone builds these connections. I wish everyone could, because for me they have made a world of difference in my life. I guess keep training new listeners, keep encouraging people to try to find someone...maybe offer some more support to people who haven't found that good listener yet or who have had a bad experience with a listener. Or talking with people who've posted negative listener reviews and try to find out what happened...what broke down, as well as encouraging them to try again with someone else.

I wanted to say something about what @JessSnow said about member-to-member connections. I agree, I really think they are supportive and important, and I wish there was a better way to connect with other members. I don't spend much time in the group chats, but I can see that people could develop those relationships there. I love the Daily Check-Ins for that too...I feel like I have a place there, and people who care and offer support, even when they themselves are struggling. I've also tried to use my Feed a little more often and connect with people on there - it's hard to do though! But I guess that's the best way to keep encouraging other members. I think it would be cool to be able to message other members, but I can see that there are problems that might come from that. Can you increase the limit on repost replies? ;)

I'm really looking forward to hearing what other people have to say about this topic. Thanks for letting me say my piece. :)

Mutual vulnerability and trust.

@Laura Improving social skills (Reading books that discuss this subject) or maybe searching it on the internet will definitely help in creating better connections with new visitors and new listeners