One thing I have never told anyone is....[finish this sentence}

That the though of dying terrifys me, I get stressed out going into hospitals, going to see my doctor I'm always afraid and the What if's take over. What if they find something wrong with me, what if I have a heart attack what if what if what if , it just never leaves me alone. I over analyze everything and dwell on everything it makes my life a living hell.

I'm 25 and I've never kissed a girl.

My father stole all of my familys money when I was a kid (around 250K in the early 90s) and went on the run. He was in hiding from the law and the police for many many years. Our family (my mother, sister and me) were left in poverty and destitute. My mother was a social worker and we were barely able to get by. We had strangers renting a room in our home, no car, not enough $ to get by or survive.

My father also committed other crimes, including sexual crimes and impersonating a therapist, that he was investigated for but never charged with to my knowledge. Many years later he reconnected with my sister when she was an adult on a superficial level, but not me. She secretly convinced him to write a will and cut me out of his will. He died and left all his estate to her, which included all the money he stole many years ago. He died alone and had no friends or family except my sister.

i found out about his will at the time of his death from my sister. She admitted she asked him to create the will and knew what would happen. I believe she has a duty to return the stolen money to the family, and basically split it with me and my mother. Or I would be just as happy if she donated it to a charity. But I think her accepting the stolen money that destroyed our childhoods is wrong. My sister disagrees and stopped speaking to me. My mother has taken my sisters side and thinks I need to just get over it. My mother has since remarried and has plenty of money. My sister is also wealthy today. My family is poor.

Today, my mother and sister and their spouses vacation together. They spend all holidays together. They do not even invite me anymore. I dont speak to my sister. I try to speak to my mother but we have a very bad relationship. I have tried many times to invite my mother to our home for holidays but she refuses to come. She will not spend the night in my home or come here for holidays. It is devastating because they are the only family I have.

Im in my 40s now and have my own children. But I am still traumatized by these events and how my entire family has shut me out completely.

that i am gay ,and that i am not happy my brother got married

If I havent tell anyone..how am I supposed to tell it now :)

Come on Laura...Ill get in trouble with myself :)

How much of a struggle each day is. Some days its all i can do to get up and go to work, i alway put on the happy face but inside i feel like there is a war raging that feels like it it will never stop. I have never found anyone that I could talk to about this, in my life i have tried opening up a little only to be put down or told to get it together. So as a result I keep these feelings to myself.

I

I suffer silently

I am not a fan of physical affection, even with my boyfriend; I get so nervous when touched (even platonically) and fear being vulnerable, but I laugh (from nerves) when it happens and so it looks that I enjoy it...

That I feel so overwhelmed almost all the time Im not sure if its just my ADD or I have anxiety or whatever but literally almost all the time Im either overwhelmed by my emotions, my environment, life in general etc. I may play it cool and seem really positive but I struggle a lot