When I was little, I believed... [finish sentence]

That everyone got a happy ending. Now I realize that some of us are destined for failure. I used to believe that people were happy. Now I realize that no one really is. It took me twenty years to realize that I am hopeless. That no matter what I over come there is another obstacle waiting on the other side. Ive beaten domestic abuse, eating disorders, anxiety, obesity, bullying, you name it Ive done it. Now Im stuck on substance abuse. I believe i was destined to die young. I believe that I wasnt meant to have a happy ending. I know if I overcome my current addiction there will only be another chronic problem waiting.

When I was little, I had all these theories to try and explain away my sense of disbelonging. I was an alien, I was adopted, I was an experiment, I was a ghost, I was omniscient. At 13, I realised it was probably just my brain, and now I'm spending the next 13 years trying to explain away everything, even though I'm old enough to admit that's all my fault, I still need to blame something. Because there has to be something.

When I was little, I believed in magic. I believed that the world was an amazing place where everyone was nice and got along.

Boy was I wrong.

Now I know that the world is not an amazing place. The world is full of mean and terrible people who shoot up schools and cause wars. No one is really nice anymore and no one gets along.

But I do know that the world can be a better place, as long as people like you and me are here to fix it.

When I was little, I believed in the tooth fairy. Other mythological beings were frowned upon and discouraged. Some were ever demonized in a way, like Santa. I was told once that Santa Claus was after my parents money. I can laugh at it now, but back at such a young and tender age, I scarred me.

When I was little I believed that anytime I saw a tall "Hillside" or a Mountain top, that CHINA was just right over it sitting behind it! Because my family used to say that once the "Sun went down, that it would get dark for us here in the U.S. and that China would be waking up because they would start getting daylight since we were getting night-time,, and that all the little kids would be getting ready to wake up once I was going to bed" lol....So I would see the Sun go down over the hillside, and think CHINA Was there! lolol...

I used to tell all my friends "Hey, do you know that China is right over that Hill"!..... lololol (**says this as I grew up in Pennsylvania) lolol

In Santa Claus.

... that magic lasts forever. I need a reason to believe again ... ❤️

I believed that I would always have my happy family

That life would be easy. BOY was I a fool😄😄😄😄😟😟😟😟

When I was little, I believed that the world consisted of good and bad. I could find the good in places that seem strange to me now: the prickliness of my dad's facial hair, the taste of sour candies, and a wasted afternoon.

Now when my facial hair feels grows, it's a reminder that I've forgotten to maintain my appearance. A sour candy is a count of calories and grams of sugar that i shouldn't put in my body. An afternoon wasted is a late night of regret.

Now, I don't know if the world is good or bad. It's probably somewhere in between. You enjoy the taste of a sour candy, but you only have just one. Maybe it's shaving every other day for the satisfaction of how much smoother your face feels when you get arohna to it. It's probably taking an afternoon to breathe in preparation for the days when you can't.

When I was little, I believed that there was good and bad in the world. I only ever found the bad in people who couldn't see the good for what it was.