The Myth of the "Perfect Maternal Instinct"
There's a deeply rooted myth in our society: that all women are born with a natural, flawless maternal instinct, that motherhood comes effortlessly, instinctively, and lovingly to every woman. But this idea is not only false, it's harmful.
The truth is, maternal instinct is not some kind of magical force that instantly makes mothers good and nurturing parents the exact moment they give birth to their children. Parenting is not instinct alone, it's a set of skills that must be learned, developed, and supported. And like all humans, mothers can make mistakes. Some face serious challenges, some may be unable to provide safe care, and sadly, some can be abusive.
Idealizing motherhood to the point of denying these realities does not protect children or mothers. Instead, it shames struggling mothers, hides abuse behind a fantasy of "natural" care, and erases the hard work and effort many mothers put into parenting. It also reinforces deeply misogynistic beliefs that caregiving is "women’s work" by default.
In reality, men are just as capable of learning how to care for children, and they should be. Children need loving, responsible adults to take care of them. The burden of care should not fall solely on women. It’s time we stop using the myth of the perfect maternal instinct to excuse absent fathers and to shame or blame women for struggling under impossible conditions.
Let’s support all mothers, hold all parents accountable, and recognize that parenting is a learned, shared, and human responsibility, not something women are simply born knowing how to do.
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@Mya000 Thank for you discussing this topic. I'm not a mother but I've the maternal instinct kick in only when I'm around my sibling. I feel I've to protect them and provide them with the best of the world. But when I see women struggle with pregnancy and postpartum complications, I wonder if I'll ever choose to be a mother myself. So being a mom is definitely not a cakewalk.
@trueconfidant123 Thank you for sharing, caring instincts can show up in different ways. And yes, motherhood is far from easy, especially with all the challenges women face.
@Aayla I couldn’t agree more. Rebuilding community care and truly sharing the load is essential, no one should have to do it all alone.
@Mya000 shout out to mothers and fathers willing to learn and grow 💐 🌸
@GoldenRuleJG Absolutely!
@Mya000
This is a very interesting take, and i do appreciate the inner/outer look into maternal instincts. This was a very deeply thought, and yes we should be creating awareness for the downfall of fellow moms.
@InsightfulPhoenix Thank you for your kind words! I’m really glad the perspective resonated with you.
However, I am also going to tag you to a forum post I am making for bringing out this perspective and I wanted to collaberate with it going a bit deeper and providing statistics!
@Mya000
While I think this is true, I also think that generally a woman has maternal instinct, its something natural and its seen in almost every living creature. Its important to not confuse maternal instinct with parenting. These are separate things fully.
@WendyBird14 I agree that maternal instinct and parenting aren’t the same! Many animals naturally show nurturing behaviors, but quite a few don’t have strong maternal instincts at all. In some species, care is minimal, absent, or shared with others. Parenting varies widely across the animal species, so maternal instinct isn’t something universal. Thanks for sharing your perspective!
@Mya000
But now you confuse parenting with instinct in the animal kingdom. Maternal instinct is just about survival, the basic things basically. Parenting is everything else around it