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Am I bi? I'm sure I'm attracted to men. But, I recently started dating a woman and while I'm emotionally infatuated, I don't have a strong sexual desire towards her [I'm OK with having sex with her]

4 Answers
Last Updated: 07/08/2019 at 4:36pm
Am I bi? I'm sure I'm attracted to men. But, I recently started dating a woman and while I'm emotionally infatuated, I don't have a strong sexual desire towards her [I'm OK with having sex with her]
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Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
May 21st, 2019 3:35pm
When I was younger labels were something to hang on to for dear life. It defined as sort of a template for what was acceptable and what was not. I had little contact with boys and men as I grew up and longed for a best friend that was a guy. I love the hardness, the manliness of a man. I had always loved the company of women and girls and felt more comfortable with them. I love women with natural beauty and intelligence. Why can't we have individual feelings for the people that we are attracted to? Love and sexual desire are nuanced. It is sort of like a sound system in that you can adjust the volume and tone or you can have an audio equalizer to accommodate all the subtleties of music to come through. Relationships are dynamic and evolve, more so when we allow them to without an agenda.
Waceykinz
May 25th, 2019 12:37am
I personally believe it doesn't matter what's in their pants, it's what's in their heart. I think you can fall in love or like someone of the same sex without even meaning to. I'm bisexual myself. I've only dated a few girls but I still am attracted to men too. I've been with a man for 5 years. Bisexuality is a thing. No reason to label yourself. Just go with the flow of what your heart desires, it's ok to fall in love with people for who they are as a person rather than being so worried about stereotypes, genders and what you should label yourself.
GentleFlameofCaring
May 25th, 2019 9:20pm
That sounds like a very confusing place to be. I can definitely understand wanting an answer, but It is something only you can find an answer for. How would claiming that label make you feel. Do you like the idea of being Bi? Have you looked at other orientations, be it sexuality or romantic orientations? It is possible to have a mix of them. Ultimately it is what you feel accurately describes you and what you feel comfortable with. Some people also prefer to not identify with labels and just be themselves. Its really about how you feel. I understand that you probably want a clearer answer because it is uncomfortable to live in the unknown often and to not know where you are going. maybe this can also be seen though as a time of exploration, trying different things out, if you want to frame it as that. Sometimes when we reframe things we may see things a bit differently and dreadful things can turn a bit better or we might find the answer a little bit sooner. What do you think? I wish you all the best and that you figure out how you want to identify soon, as it does sound like you want to find your place
Aayla
- Expert in LGBTQ+
July 8th, 2019 4:36pm
Sometimes sexual and romantic attraction do not coincide, and it sounds like it's your case. You might be biromantic and homo/heterosexual (based on what your gender is). Or you could just be bi on both levels, but experience a far lower attraction for women in the sexual sphere (it's possible for bi people to have a preference, even a strong one). The boundary is not a clear one, and it's up to you to decide what sounds like you the most. Or you could simply live your life and be happy, and label yourself later when things will seem more clear, or not label yourself at all!