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How do I know for certain about my sexuality?

17 Answers
Last Updated: 06/28/2021 at 9:47pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Andrea Tuck, LCPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

I tackle and discuss a multitude of social and emotional health issues. I have a belief that through empowerment and non-judgmental support clients' can thrive.

Top Rated Answers
September 30th, 2015 6:32pm
Experimenting, and not feeling guilty about it. Even if you are not gay or lesbian, there is nothing wrong with giving it a try. It's your life, no one should judge you. But makes sure you're clear about your feelings. You shouldn't lead anyone on.
April 1st, 2015 12:49am
Labels are not necessary, and you don't have to be certain. But, it all comes down to what feels right. If you fit a definition of a sexuality, that's probably it. The deciding factor is what you think.
May 1st, 2015 5:25pm
you don't have to be certain your sexuality is what it is you can be certain or just make sure that you are happy with it
May 7th, 2015 10:36pm
I struggled with grasping my sexuality when I was younger. I just naturally felt certain about my sexuality. Remember, you are the person that defines your own sexuality. There doesn't have to be a label for it.
May 8th, 2015 3:09pm
Find out if you like the other gender? Do you have feelings for the other gender or are you attracted to the other gender?
June 4th, 2015 12:15am
When you've fully decided you'll just know. Are you attracted to the same gender? Are you attracted to Both genders? Could you see yourself having a long relationship with either? These are all valid questions to ask yourself, and there's no time limit to answer them.
August 10th, 2015 9:55pm
The easiest way to find out whether you like green peas or a mango smoothie is to try them, isn't it ? :) In all seriousness, try to become more aware of your thoughts, feelings and preferences about people of both genders : try noticing your attention shifting when you are surrounded by males and females (do you tend to view one of the sexes in a more intimate / desiring way ?), notice your level of bodily arousal when/after interacting with an attractive stranger of each sex (perhaps you notice yourself smiling more involuntary or feeling slightly "shivery" or sweaty after interacting with some of them ?); ultimately (only when you are absolutely sure you are ready and comfortable with it !) you may want to try and engage in a romantic physical contact (e.g. kissing) with a consenting person of either sex and explore how you feel about it. Feeling certain about your sexuality can be a powerful, empowering, even self-defining thing. However, you do not have to define yourself if you do not feel the need or wish to do so. It is completely normal to wonder about the alternative possibilities, it is okay to give yourself as much time and space as you need to explore yourself and your sexuality.
December 1st, 2015 11:04pm
That depends from person to person. Some people know automatically some people it takes years to know who they love but the heart wants what the heart wants. Follow it and never fear rejection.
December 22nd, 2015 6:02pm
Sexuality is not something that you can be sure of from one day to the other. It´s a process of finding out, even if that process is mostly about being comfortable with having the sexuality that you´re mostly already sure to have. The easiest way to know is to expermient. Which people do you find attraktive? Who, even, might you be able to picture yourself with? You´ll find out soon. Even sooner if you don´t overthink it ;)
December 28th, 2015 10:50pm
In my experience, you never really know for certain. Your sexuality can change over time, and that's okay. It can be frustrating and invalidating to always change the way you label yourself, or not even have a label that you can identify with, so sometimes calling yourself queer or questioning can be a safer option.
February 15th, 2016 6:53pm
There is no rush to label sexuality - as a society, we tend to be overly reliant on labels and putting ourselves in boxes when in reality we all experience attraction differently. Just put your happiness first, and that's all that matters!
August 15th, 2016 3:20am
Well I am bisexual ...and I have been with a girl ...and I have had major crushes on boys yeah I know :)
October 18th, 2016 10:06pm
You don't. Only you can know if you are bisexual or queer or transgender. Nobody else can decide that for you.
November 20th, 2017 1:13am
It's difficult to know for sure, because sexuality can be fluid and ever-changing. I'd say time is the best way of telling - it's okay if you decide on one label now and change your mind now, or even decide not to settle with a label! Just go with what makes you feel comfortable!
April 16th, 2018 9:02pm
It varies from person to person. Some people know they are straight, others know they are gay. But some people can't know for sure. It's okay not to have a label for what you are, and its okay to not know.
- Expert in LGBTQ+ Issues
July 30th, 2019 10:12pm
Your orientation is nothing more than what you feel you are. You can try to imagine yourself with different people and be honest with yourself, listen to your physical, mental, emotional response to these fantasies, listen to your own desires and needs. Take your time, and if you feel like it, get in contact with LGBT people who went through the same and listen to their experiences. Everyone's path is unque and you're the only one who can determine who you are, but support is always good!
June 28th, 2021 9:47pm
I think that sexuality isn't always concrete, and that it can evolve over time. I think it's important to be aware of what you are comfortable with and to set certain boundaries with yourself and others so that you can try and avoid putting yourself in uncomfortable or unsafe situations. I think it is important to be confident with yourself individually, before you decide what your sexuality might be and what that means for you. In general, I think sexuality, just like personality, can be fluid, circumstantial, and have a lot of variables that affect how we feel or come to understand ourselves.