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I am scared of coming out because I've assured people I am straight for years. How do I come out without disappointing people?

8 Answers
Last Updated: 06/17/2019 at 7:48pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
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Johanna Liasides, MSc


I work with youth and young adults to help them improve depressive symptoms and self-esteem as well as effectively address family, relationship and peer conflicts.

Top Rated Answers
November 9th, 2017 8:43pm
We live in a culture where you are assumed to be cis gendered and heterosexual until you come out as anything else. I don't think the fact that you have told people you're straight will make much of a difference in people's reactions. The people who might be "disappointed" would probably be so whether you had announced you were gay coming out of the womb or do so tomorrow. Most people have a pretty singular view of homosexuality and, while that view may change over time, I don't think it will make a difference if you've already told them you were straight. The most important thing is finding a situation where you are as comfortable as you can be when you come out.
December 5th, 2017 1:53pm
How come you think you are gonna disappoint people, like you do not owe to be straight to anybody and that is completely your responsibility and your feelings, your orientation. How can somebody be disappointed in the way you like people? I mean, i know they say so, that they are disappointed and all but that is ridiculous. It is not anybody else's business
- Expert in LGBTQ+ Issues
June 17th, 2019 7:48pm
Opening your heart about something so important is difficult, but the best way to be understood and your best chance to be accepted is to make sure you are as open as you can about it. You can tell people what you feel, what it truly means to be like you, and why you tried so hard to hide yourself and pretend to be someone you're not. People who truly care for you will see that nothing changes in the person you are, and they'll understand why you've been hiding all this time. It's normal to be scared about some things, and those who truly love you won't be angry at you for not telling them earlier, they will simply welcome you as you are. Just make sure to tell them all you can about how you feel, so they'll have a chance to understand clearly who you are and why you were afraid before. The rest will be up to them.
November 11th, 2017 5:28am
Coming out is a pretty scary experience, I can understand why you might be feeling afraid! Ultimately, what's important is staying true to yourself - if that disappoints people, it's not your fault. Your sexuality is valid no matter what, and you have a whole community backing you up. There will always be people here and in your life who support you, and despite those who don't - life goes on! As for how to come out to them, it's up to you. You can consider what works for you and how well they will take it depending on how you do it. Some ways that you could consider are texting, writing a note, or saying it to them in person. Good luck!
December 4th, 2017 4:52am
CO is hard, but no matter what happen you will be free with yourself and people can be disappointing. The important thing is that you are yourself and accept you and people will follow
June 25th, 2018 11:57pm
I did the same thing, it can be really scary to come out to people when you have tried to assure them you are straight in the past. If you feel ready to come out, you could explain why you assured them you were straight, explain how you really feel. Some people might have a harder time accepting you than others but your true friends and supporters should stick by your side. Remember only come out if you feel 100% comfortable doing so.
July 2nd, 2018 10:28am
Actually you coming out as not straight won't disappoint people, people will have to accept the fact that they must accept someone like you in life cause you're just the same as them
September 4th, 2018 6:44am
only come out to your family if it's safe! you are not a disappointment; if anyone is upset by who you are, that's their problem. you shouldn't feel bad for following your heart. if you're sure it's safe to come out, then do so however you feel comfortable! if you don't want to bluntly say it, you could maybe write it down on paper and let someone read it, you could come out in pun form, as long as it feels like "you" and will make you feel better about it after. you could also tell a friend who's supportive first, or even talk to a listener here -- talking about it makes it a little easier to come out eventually. good luck!