Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav

I feel sexual attraction towards women, but I always picture sex with men. I don't know if it is because that's what I was trained to think, or if I am actually attracted to men. Can someone help?

3 Answers
Last Updated: 12/07/2020 at 7:49pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Amelia Winsby, PsyD

Psychologist

I often work with clients who experience a wide range of emotions and difficulties. I am non-judgmental and enjoy working with individuals from all walks of life.

Top Rated Answers
Aayla
- Expert in LGBTQ+ Issues
August 27th, 2018 7:49pm
Try to ask yourself what you feel when you picture sex with men, or when you see men that you find beautiful. Maybe you've trained to think that you should have sex with them, but do you actually want that? How would that make you feel? Also, if you feel attracted to women, you should start trying to picture them as well, to "train" yourself to follow your own desires instead of what you've been told. As a bisexual girl, time ago it felt unnatural for me to picture myself with women, I was taught that I shouldn't and I internalized this to the point that it took a while for me to start picturing myself with them and not feeling wrong. Once you'll have "trained" to let yourself free to fantasize about whoever you find attractive, answers will come more easily. You'll be able to tell if picturing men and picturing women feels the same or if it's different and if you prefer one of them. In most cases, when it comes to sexuality, answers come when you let your mind, heart and body free!
Eddy93
November 23rd, 2020 5:52pm
I think only you can know answer for this question =) I think it is absolutely ok to have sexual affections to both genders! Bisexuality is absolutely fine, you can be bisexual if you want to be. Maybe you are just exploring yourself, and it is absolutely fine to explore yourself and your sexuality. And it is common misconception that your sexuality and sexual preferences can`t change in adulthood or middle age! Everything in the world is dynamic, and humans have right to live emotionally fulfilled and happy life! Whatever it would be with the man or with the woman, or even both one! Enjoy your life with the people and things that make you happy!
catlover58
December 7th, 2020 7:49pm
we live in a heteronormative world, so we kind of grow up with mostly heterosexual couples around, heterosexual couples in movies, songs about heterosexual relationships, heterosexual porn, and so forth. This, of course, has an impact on how we perceive others and ourselves - so much so that we often might not even realize it at first when we are attracted to the same sex. It's helpful to be aware of this and to deconstruct it in our heads. Picturing yourself having sex with men although you feel sexual attraction towards women does not necessarily mean that you actually only want to have sex with men. Maybe this is just a fantasy you have. There are a lot of same-sex couples or homosexual people that exclusively watch heterosexual porn - just like there are heterosexual people that like gay or lesbian porn. That's totally fine. This type of preference or fantasy does not have to mean anything in terms of your sexuality. if this is something that bothers you though, maybe consuming more LGBTQ+ media and spending more time around bi/pan/lesbian women will help change your perspective and open it up a bit. Give yourself some time. I am sure eventually you will figure out what and who you are into.