I think that I am transphobic even though I am trans myself and I don't know how to get over this. Any help?
Last Updated: 06/01/2021 at 3:55am
Temi Coker, MSC, MA, Dip.Cons
Licensed Professional Counselor
With over ten years experience, I offer a safe and confidential environment for you to collect your thoughts, worries & life problems with no judgement or assumptions.
Top Rated Answers
Internalized transphobia is common for trans people who have grown up in a particularly close-minded environment, you're not alone in this, many have gone through this and overcame it, and you can do it too! It could help to try to "rationalize" your feelings. Since there is no rational reason why you should have transphobic feelings, and deep down you know, it may help you to answer the more irrational feeling with logical reasoning. Whenever you feel bad about being transgender, you can try to ask yourself why you feel like this, what is the logical reason for this thought, what proof supports it. Internalized transphobia relies on irrational emotions, so taking a deep breath and trying to look at your feelings through the lens of logic can be of help, with time. It could also help you to get in touch with the trans community, it could let you realize and accept that trans people can live a perfectly happy and normal life!
First, please know that this isn't your fault, and that your identity is still valid!! The thing is that transphobia is ingrained into all of us from a very young age--I didn't even know what it meant to be transgender until late middle school or early high school. It does take some time to normalize pronouns, and to try not to judge people on first sight, but just knowing that it's there is a great first step
Maybe you need to start loving yourself more, if you don't. And if you do, then just try to think that people are people, we may be cis or trans but that does not makes us bad or good. I suppose you already that many persons think that if a straight male hates gays he may be gay and wants to suppress that feeling. And now I say the same thing as I said first, accept yourself, but do it for real because is not really making sense to hate a community where you belong. We are different, of course, we're individuals with different thoughts, but when it comes to this, I think the problem isn't in the whole community but in us and how we perceive ourselves. Good luck!
What ways do you feel you are transphobic? Internalised oppression is often pushed into us through a process called socialisation. Through life socialisation is intense, it can get over on our better judgement. It happens in 3 stages, primary - what we learn in the close family, secondary - outside of the home, in school and religion etc and finally adult socialisation (tertiary) which happens when we need to adapt to a new sitauon. It's not the first thought that defines you, it is the one that goes 'no thats not quite right'. We are conditioned in such a way that it is nearly impossible to be free thinking. Gender is a concept that is taught from a very young age, even if you are transgender it can still be hard to break away from that even though you know who you are inside. Being transphobic, for you, could be a reflection of self hatred. If you feel bad, you shouldn't blame yourself for what society has made you. I see people and think 'ew gross', it makes me question my authenticity as someone who believes love.is love, my second though is 'no, thats stupid.' We are basically programmed to question anything that seems abnormal to us, which is ridiculous really. (Sorry if this is a little long, I'm a sociology student and just realised that i remember stuff wow, sorry, im shocked with my remembering skills.) Hope that helps, I don't know what to say than I guess we are all transphobic and homophobic in a way, Just don't get too down thinking about it, it's not your fault just try not to embrace the transphobia part!
I think this is somehow natural. People who are different in some way are shaped by the rest of the 'normal' population into thinking something is very wrong with them. Maybe you aren't even aware that you're projecting other people's ideas onto yourself. I suggest you start by embracing your uniqueness and realizing there is nothing you can do about it, and no reason to despise it or fear it. It may be a thorny road but it's much easier if we stay supportive.
I was feeling jealous of other trans people, myself at the start, I felt like I could do it better, or they didn't try to dress up as well as they should. The truth is, it's a very complex topic and brings up a lot of emotions. Keep trying to break it down into smaller emotions and figure out why, then understand that if you don't want to feel that way, you're already doing something good and should be proud that you're trying.
Sometime we hate what we love it's all because we get judge from society and time by times we become the one who is hate our own self. I can't give you solve because you know the best way to solve it with your own way. Like stop hearing negativity things and start to lobe your own self looking inside your heart that being who you are is okay. You don't have to listening to what peoples think about you in negative way because YOLO and you live in your own life. Be brave and be accepted for who you are keep telling your self if you are lucky and it's okay to be you
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