Why do others feel the need to invalidate my sexual/gender/romantic identity?
Last Updated: 04/28/2020 at 11:57pm
Lianne Kirby, MA in Counselling Psychology
I believe everyone should have the opportunity for their voice to be heard. I use a trauma informed, person centred approach in counselling.
Top Rated Answers
People often don't realize that sexuality, gender, and romanticism are always fluid and ever-changing. When people are unfamiliar with a term (something like pansexual or aromantic, relatively new terms) they often take it upon themselves to decide what's easiest for them to handle. Denial is the easiest way to repress something. However, if they do truly care about you, you need to inform them about how their invalidation makes you feel and ask them to change how they treat you/which pronouns to use/et cetera.
Because people are off-set by differences, and don't feel comfortable around something that is different from their views. Just because you're different, doesn't mean your wrong. And embracing that makes you brave. Just because they think you wrong, doesn't make you wrong.
I think that some people were just raised with a certain mindset. some people were raised to think that, for example, that being homosexual is "wrong". They just haven't been shown\educated on these subjects and were told that something is absolute when in reality nothing is absolute. Instead of thinking on subjects as black and white, think on them as blended colours.
because everyone else is nosey, you do what you want to do, dont let anyone invade your sexual identity its yours for a reason
When people don't understand something, they feel the need to fight against it, or even disregard it
Because they have a particular mindset about sexuality and when yours don't match with theirs..they condemn it..they do not understand your situation so it seems wrong or weird to them...its their wrong mindset
People feel the need to invalidate you because they are not able to fully grasp the human sexuality spectrum for what it is, a fluid river of love and harmony.
Because they're uncertain about their own identity, is my guess! Maybe you have something that they want, but are too afraid to go after themselves (even if it is your bravery to live your life as you think is best for you). Others may feel threatened due to 1000 reasons (none of which are acceptable). You can try and re-assure them that you are not a threat, but if you have to do this so much, you may wish to consider if this relationship is worth keeping. Finally, people like parents may be worried about the life you're going to have (if any of these things is atypical), and they may feel like you won't be happy (although I am sure you know otherwise). If they invalidate your identity, they could just be trying to protect you (in a very weird way). However, with time, many people like this see that you're actually happy, and realize there was no need to expect you to be someone else. :) Good luck, my friend. We're here for you.
Those that don't understand often feel the need to invalidate information that doesn't match up with their perception of someone else. It's not you personally, it's their world-view and the lens in which they view things. It's not you, what you think, or what you feel that's invalid as emotions are valid, normal things. It's the other person that needs to work on the way they perceive life and people around them.
Because people often feel strongly about their beliefs and try to force their beliefs upon others because it makes them uncomfortable having someone going against their religion/beliefs. Some may not know who they are and it could feel easier for them to put others down or say they are wrong or don't know what they are talking about
I get a lot of questions about people outside of the LGBT community treat us so bad or try to tell us things that we know aren't true. But, I don't know. I ask myself this everyday. Some people just don't understand, some people don't want to. The only thing we can do is know that no matter what they say, who we are is completely valid.
Maybe their just busy bodies who want to see peoples life because their life is boring. Don't take it too hard just take it as they find your life more interesting.
Often times it is their own insecurities about themselves. They tend to be jealous, because you are able to identify yourself and they are not. Unhappy people also feel the need to bring others down since they themselves are miserable. Remember who you are and do not let other people worry about your identity for you.
People may feel the need to share their opinion when not needed, if you act a certain way or do things that convey to a certain sexual identity they will point it out in jokingly matter or not, if you feel offended by that then you should confront them on that topic or simply state that you wouldn't like to be labeled as such and correct them
Usually, it is because they are insecure. For instance, if someone says that a person's identity is invalid, it is possibly because they are coming to terms with their own identity. It is also likely that they have been raised a certain way, and as people don't like change, they do not want to adapt to just anyone. In my experience, patience almost always wins out. Express what you are, and if they don't like it, wait awhile and above all, don't change who YOU are to appease someone else.
Simply because people don't understand. People fear and discredit what they cannot comprehend. Because they can't wrap their head around the whole concept they just discredit it not stopping to consider that it might just be something they are incapable of understanding.
Some people have been raised to believe that only some realities are valid. Some are simply too close-minded, others might understand if given the chance to learn more about other realities. Dialogue can be very important, some people are not intentionally mean but simply ignorant about the LGBT reality. While some will not change their mind, other could if given the chance to learn more, spreading awareness is very important, although I perfectly understand that it can be frustrating sometimes when people won't listen. But if there's a chance to braoden someone's horizon it's worth trying.
People are born with frames of thoughts. thoughts that don't fit in their frame, they invalidate it so as to not cause incongruency in their own cognitive thinking. Also, society is often reluctant to accept differences that don't fit in the norm. People are afraid to refute the majority common sense so once they feel threaten and don't understand something. They become afraid of it. When they're afraid of something they don't understand, they lash out at it and all to protect their own sanity. There are multiple reasons why people refute certain things so it's best not to ask why people invalidate you but ask why does it bother you that people invalidated you.
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